interfaith couple having trouble deciding on a name

devilfrog

He is Jewish and doesnt want to name the child any name of anyone living. He has an enormous family which rules out like a million names.

I love the name Noelle, Holly (I dont care that they are xmas names think they just go well with out last name and sound pretty). He is opposed b/c they are too linked to Christianity. 

Your thoughts?

jenwet

Given your situation, I think you have to keep looking. (I can't use Noelle for the exact same reason.) GL!

devilfrog

I am really pissed. The baby will be 1/2 from me/my background.

Nineoceans

I say he gets to have one rule either no names of living people or no "Christmassy names" personally, I told dh he could have the middle name and he is working on loving the first name I picked. I went through a ton of puking and know her best right now so I think it's fair

MarxieVonTrapp

To be fair to him, Noelle and Holly ARE extremely Christmas-y.  Yes, the baby is half of you but it's also half of him.  Jewish tradition is to name a child using the first initial of a deceased relative.  Perhaps you can find a compromise?

Some other suggestions:

Laurel, Rose, Monica, Charlotte,  Elise, Justine, Natalie (Christmas-y, but also Jewish-friendly), Jocelyn, Alicia, Heidi

kellyrn9956

devilfrog:

I am really pissed. The baby will be 1/2 from me/my background.

And 1/2 from him.

You're whiny.

EastCoastBride

kellyrn9956:

devilfrog:

I am really pissed. The baby will be 1/2 from me/my background.

And 1/2 from him.

You're whiny.

Seriously.  Go get a baby names book from the library and go through it.  There are a TON of names out there- more than either his family or Noelle.  I'm sure there have to be more names that the 2 of you will like.

mamahawk12

devilfrog:

I am really pissed. The baby will be 1/2 from me/my background.

I think I would irritated too - and I think saying "they are too linked to christianity" is silly. That said, I think you need to go back to the drawing board. What about an Old Testament name? Any of those would swing both ways (that is, if you can find one that's not already in his family.)  

JulesDiane

devilfrog:

I am really pissed. The baby will be 1/2 from me/my background.

Pissed? Really? How do you have a healthy relationship if you can't respect his background and where he came from? It's not like you can't work to find a middle ground. There are PLENTY of baby names out there! 

AllieBelle1

I don't think of Holly as Christmasy at all, just as a winter plant.

smbd

pissed? really? b/c someone else has an opinion?

I think it's obvious that you just need to cut & run now.  Have the baby & name her in secret & hit her father with the news of her name at the court hearing for child support.

oh, and don't let her learn to speak. Once kids can verbalize their thoughts, they say all sorts of things you may not agree with, and you wouldn't want that.

HannahO28

There are hundreds of thousands of names out there. I guarantee that you can make a list of names that aren't family members. And I think there's plenty of Christian names out there that are neutral enough that he can compromise, but Noelle Holly definitely isn't one of them. That sounds like you're purposefully trying to mess with him.

Think of this as excellent practice for how you're going to raise your children in an inter-faith home. I assure you this isn't the only issue that's going to come up and you're going to have to learn to compromise.

srs5624

devilfrog:

I am really pissed. The baby will be 1/2 from me/my background.

There is a custom that some Jewish people will not name a child after a living relative. Because children are more typically named for the deceased, it is essentially wishing the still-living relative dead.

Holly and Noelle, IMO, are very Christmassy. Noelle in particular. So I can see his point.

Find a new name.

 

I suggest the two of you take a class on interfaith families. The theological differences between Christianity and Judiasm are well documented and well known. You both need to learn how to compromise and you in particular need to learn to fight fair. IMO, it seems like you're doing this on purpose.

Say the next baby is a boy. Some Jewish customs say that it is not ok to have a Bris and a Baptism... which one will you do? Christmas tree or Menorah... or both? Do you get where I'm going here? A baby name is nothing in the grand scheme of things.

anna7602

You can name an interfaith child whatever you want, but the fact remains that if both parents aren't on board with a name, you have to go back to the drawing board just like in any other situation. It's pointless to argue whether Holly and Noelle sound "too Christian" or not to the average person. What matters is that they sound so to your SO and he is uncomfortable with the idea of using them. Have some respect and stop being pissed.

plutoisaplanet

Yikes...I agree that this is going to be the first of many compromises you have to make.  His requests are reasonable, and I think that you should keep looking.  There are plenty of other names out there.  

jenwet

HannahO28:

There are hundreds of thousands of names out there. I guarantee that you can make a list of names that aren't family members. And I think there's plenty of Christian names out there that are neutral enough that he can compromise, but Noelle Holly definitely isn't one of them. That sounds like you're purposefully trying to mess with him.

Think of this as excellent practice for how you're going to raise your children in an inter-faith home. I assure you this isn't the only issue that's going to come up and you're going to have to learn to compromise.

This.

ames71

anna7602:

You can name an interfaith child whatever you want, but the fact remains that if both parents aren't on board with a name, you have to go back to the drawing board just like in any other situation. It's pointless to argue whether Holly and Noelle sound "too Christian" or not to the average person. What matters is that they sound so to your SO and he is uncomfortable with the idea of using them. Have some respect and stop being pissed.

I agree with Anna. Agreeing on a name is difficult (even without the restrictions you both have), but it's do-able. My husband and I have very different styles, but a little compromise goes a long way. I've had to let go of some names that I love and so has he.

You both have the right to veto a name whether it be for religious reasons or simply that you don't like the name. Have some patience and understanding. It'll come together.

saham07

MarxieVonTrapp:

To be fair to him, Noelle and Holly ARE extremely Christmas-y.  Yes, the baby is half of you but it's also half of him.  Jewish tradition is to name a child using the first initial of a deceased relative.  Perhaps you can find a compromise?

Some other suggestions:

Laurel, Rose, Monica, Charlotte,  Elise, Justine, Natalie (Christmas-y, but also Jewish-friendly), Jocelyn, Alicia, Heidi

I have to agree........it seems a little odd putting those 2 names together no matter what your faith and beliefs might be.

P.S. Which one of you is practicing your faith at this time? I am a Christian, but have a HUGE amount of respect for the Jewish faith because they are so strong in their customs and traditions. I would work at it with him to find a name that works with both faiths.

saham07

devilfrog:

I am really pissed. The baby will be 1/2 from me/my background.

This Exactly!  Signed. YOUR HUSBAND!!!

zaramarie81

I agree with pp's to keep on looking. There are a lot of great names out there that can honor both your backgrounds. I know many don't care about Noelle's association with Christmas, but as said in another thread, the association is not subtle (and it's not like one of those meanings that changes depending on which site you go.ogle either, kwim?).

Perhaps if you list some names you like, folks here can make additional suggestions. Good luck!

LollipopsAndCrisps

Wow, that's pretty immature. I'll echo PPs and suggest that you get a name book and each make lists of the names you like, then work through them together until you have something you BOTH love.

And, for the record, I don't think this is an inter-faith issue. I think it's a maturity issue on your part. 

brookelynpaisley

Eeek. My thoughts: Holly and Noelle are both Christmas-y, but maybe one could make a good middle name. That would be a decent compromised. If you're getting pissed and stamping your feet over a baby name because your kid is half from your heritage, you've got some serious bumps in the road ahead. You could each make a list of names you like and go through them together - you could give each other 5 vetoes on the most disliked names, and the rest can be open to compromise. Couples have to negotiate and compromise all the time, even without traditional or religious restrictions.

And to the girl who implied that she's been puking and knows the baby better so her husband should have to stand down on a name because of it, that's no better. It's selfish. It puts you above your husband and you should be partners together, not holding little things like morning sickness over the other's head to get your way on a name.

You should both grow up a little.

 

chibride4

I'm Jewish and there's no way in heck I'd ever use either of those names. Next!

galore5

I am in the same situation! My husband doesn't have a huge family, so it's not a major issue. On my side it's tradition to use middle names to honor family members. On his side it's the same, but they can't be living.

I don't know what we will do. It is also tradition on my side to give a boy 2 middle names, so, I think we will use one for my side (living) and one for his side (not living) and leave it at that.

I plan to avoid names that are strongly associated with religion including both Christian names and Jewish names (no Mary's or Ari's). A Jewish name would seem sort of foreign to my family and a Christian name would seem foreign to his family....

Good luck! It's tough

curlylocks3

anna7602:

You can name an interfaith child whatever you want, but the fact remains that if both parents aren't on board with a name, you have to go back to the drawing board just like in any other situation. It's pointless to argue whether Holly and Noelle sound "too Christian" or not to the average person. What matters is that they sound so to your SO and he is uncomfortable with the idea of using them. Have some respect and stop being pissed.

This is so well said. Personally I associate Holly with winter, not Christmas, but thats beside the point. This baby is equal parts of both of you and you both need to be comfortable with the decisions being made- the least of which is the name.