Fight with SS and now SD. FCK!!

+j+k+

DH got into a fight with SS last night. It got verbally ugly.  Pretty sure SS is not coming back. He still leaves Thursday.  DH is all stressed out and really upset. He told me last night, "It's like I don't have kids any more."   I listened to him as much as I could and advised him that he's doing the right thing and that he needs to stand his ground. 

Then, this morning, SD texts me - "J I know that you are upset with me. But I have to ask if you have the means to take care of my son for a little while.  I know i'm not welcome but I need someone for him till I can stand.  I made my situation worse by betraying you and i'm sorry. But can you please talk to dad about my son. Just need someone on his side."

So, tell me I'm going to do the right thing and tell her "I'm sorry, no - here is the number to a women's shelter." 

Right now, DH and I can not only afford daycare for two kids - but we are in the midst of a potential divorce/seperation and drama with his son.  I can't do it.  I can not do it.  And I don't want to get sucked in again into the middle of her crap.  DH says he can't take one more thing.  He's lost it too.

If DH and I were in a better place - I would take that boy in a heartbeat, but it's just not something we can do, and I really don't think our situation is any better than theirs. Well, I do konw it's better, but the child would be better off in foster care until she got her crap together.

Thoughts on what to tell her? If anything?  The answer has to heart breakingly be no.

DarthNBJenni

Unless she were to sign over all rights to her child, then I would say no. 

Holly_1007

I'm happy that SS won't be back you guys have done enough for him.  Time for you and DH to focus on you and DH (and DD)

Hopefully counseling goes well this week

as for SD, sucks she is putting you in that position.  I cannot beleive she has no one else to help her care for her child? perhaps I missed something but didn't she just get engaged to bf? I can't beleive she has no friends or anyone that will take her or the child in. 

I think you are completely right to say no and give her the number to the womans shelter.  So unfortunate for that child. 

socloudy99

SS leaving is a good thing. It was only a matter of time before your H and SS got into it.

As a UO I would do all I could to keep GS and GS only. If she tried to make it a two for one deal NO WAY. I just feel bad for GS because he has no parenting and you two would be a great influence on his life. I am not judging your choice because I know it is easier said then done. She would most likely pull the same stunt with GS she did with herself. Let everyone make arrangements then back out at the last minute.

I understand completely your stance and feelings about SD and SS because they earned them. GS didn't. He is just stuck in the middle. My H was raised by his grandma because his bio mom and dad were too selfish to raise a child. He lives a much more productive life then his siblings raised by his bio mom. I guess I just have a soft spot for children that don't seem to have a place.

GL with all the chaos! Agian this isn't me judging you. I just want to give you another take on the terrible situation.

NativeNyer

Don't do it. 

Littlejen22

J, honestly I think that you have good intentions but at this point I think you are missing the most important thing in this equation.  The issues are not b/c of his son, it is because of your DH.  You see your DH as a great father and husband but he is not choosing to be either of these things.

As for SD, no I do not think you are wrong at all, but I do not think you should be handling this AT ALL, this is 100% your DH's issue and he should deal with it without you needing to step up once again, a good father can step up without needing his wife to do all his thinking and talking and without being the fall guy.  If he wants to help his grandson even though his current marriage is falling apart and he has a young child to worry about then that tells you that you will never come before these adults.

 ETA:  to the person that said she should take in GS if it is just him, that would be 100% what I thought if she is not likely headed towards a divorce in the next few months, taking in another child that they cannot afford and having to deal with SD more often will guarantee this marriage will fail.  Unfortunately J's only obligation is to her child and herself and maybe her marriage.

sprky79

WHEN is your marriage counseling appointment?

As they say over on TN, you don't have a Stepkid problem, you have a DH problem. Until he figures out that you are not kidding, and that he cannot keep on like this, you guys will just keep spinning your wheels.

Nineoceans

She needs to place that child for adoption if she cannot take care of them. I would absolutely tell her no and wouldn't feel badly about it at all

wwnbw

I'm sure the right thing for you and you're daughter is to say no but my heart sure does break for that little boy. I don't understand how PP said she wouldn't feel bad about it. I mean it's not your place to HAVE to feel bad but I don't unerstand how someone with a heart can not feel bad about having to say no. Not because of SD but because of that poor little boy.

I have no advice but I would let your H deal with her.

Karma1969

Littlejen22:

J, honestly I think that you have good intentions but at this point I think you are missing the most important thing in this equation.  The issues are not b/c of his son, it is because of your DH.  You see your DH as a great father and husband but he is not choosing to be either of these things.

This is the only thing that should be said at this point.  Any other advice is useless.  This has been going on since pretty much day 1 of the BF board.