Need advice about the whining

kkramer99

I have taken a hiatus from TB for a while (largely because I got super busy w/ work and have not had time), but we've recently been dealing w/ a common behavior issue and I was hoping to get some advice. DD will be 4 in a month. She had been an angel, behavior-wise, until about 2-3 months ago, and it's been escalating. She has adopted some behavior she has observed among her buddies at PS - whining to get what she wants and suddenly crying hysterically about seemingly minor things. Our approach is not to engage - I let her go to a quiet spot so she can calm down and generally ignore the crying until it stops. I also pretend not to hear the whining and get her to talk in a more pleasant tone. But, it seems like the behavior continues. It may stop at that particular time, in response to one of the above, but it recurs similarly after that. We stopped needing to do "time-outs" for a long time, and for something like whining, a time-out doesn't seem appropriate - perhaps giving a warning, then taking away a favorite toy or privilege? Or, does this "phase" just go away eventually?

RnMom2Be

DS will be three on Saturday and has been acting out like your daughter for the past two months or so.  Taking away a favorite toy or privilage has worked the best for us.  He has to be on good behavior in order to earn the toy or privilage back.

ikaie

DD whined A LOT and I couldn't get mad cuz we all knew who she got it from. lol. Didn't realize how annoying it could be but we managed to get her out of that phase. We ignored her whining. We'd tell her that we couldn't hear her well or understand when she whines, or that it hurts our ears so she has to use her normal voice to speak to us. Worked for us. GL!

livinitup

At about 3 1/2 DD did that and a few other behaviors that sent me up the wall. I know that it seems hard to correct such vague behaviors. What worked was calling these things "spoiled behaviors" and treating them the same way as any other un-allowed behaviors (hitting, yelling, etc) with a TO. We hardly ever had to actually do a TO for it but it REALLY helped saying that whining (or whatever) was "spoiled behavior" and not allowed. That wouldn't work well for crying fits - I think you just have to designate a quiet space to let her cry it out and wait that out. But DD would wave away dinner and whine "I don't like that. Make something else." and I had to shut that down.

KathrynMD

For the unnecessary hysterics, I've been trying to teach DD how to calm herself down - so I tell her to put her head down, take a deep breath and count to three (sometimes she does this while hugging me too).  If she continues to flip out/won't calm down, I leave and let her come find me when she's ready.

For the whining, I just call her out on it - and say stop whining - and then she argues w/ me about whether she's whining or not - and then we move on.  I'll tell her to try asking/saying whatever again in a nice way, in a full sentence. 

CubbyMama

ikaie:

We'd tell her that we couldn't hear her well or understand when she whines, or that it hurts our ears so she has to use her normal voice to speak to us. Worked for us. GL!

We did this, too, and DD1 totally went through a whiny phase when she was 3-4 (and still gets that way sometimes...she is a kid, after all!).  We had to say it a million times at first, but it eventually sinks in if you're consistent.  I do notice that when she's around kids her age who whine a lot, she starts doing it more, too, so we just have to reinforce that while it may be OK with so-and-so's parents, in our house we use a big-girl voice.

ikaie

CubbyMama:

ikaie:

We'd tell her that we couldn't hear her well or understand when she whines, or that it hurts our ears so she has to use her normal voice to speak to us. Worked for us. GL!

We did this, too, and DD1 totally went through a whiny phase when she was 3-4 (and still gets that way sometimes...she is a kid, after all!).  We had to say it a million times at first, but it eventually sinks in if you're consistent.  I do notice that when she's around kids her age who whine a lot, she starts doing it more, too, so we just have to reinforce that while it may be OK with so-and-so's parents, in our house we use a big-girl voice.

doesn't help when they're around other whiny kids unless you reinforce.. yes, it does sink in! I think on our part, her watching Caillou was a major influence. That little boy whines and the parents allow the whining! DH and I stopped letting her watch it and that alone helped for her to stop. lol