- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Single Parents
FyreFlyeRush
member
It Had To Happen Eventually
FyreFlyeRush
member
Posted on May 2012 first.
I ran downstairs to get breakfast this morning, and guess who walked in? My ex. Alien's father. We don't work together, or even for the same company. But, we work on the same Army post. There are other places to eat on a base. They kind of had to go out of their way to get there. But, whatever.
I didn't say anything. I didn't do anything...well, I walked out and around the corner to collect myself. This man did accuse me of sleeping around and said the baby wasn't his. It hurts. It was a little too much for my pregnant self to handle at that moment. Stupid hormones. I knew it would happen eventually, but I was hoping I could avoid it until AFTER Alien came along. I'm an ice B*tch normally.
I wanted to walk up to him and say, "I don't come to your place of work. Please don't come to mine." I really wanted to dump my water on him. But, I walked outside instead. I gave myself a couple of minutes to collect myself. Then, I wiped my tears away really fast, put on my big girl panties and walked back inside. I glanced at his companion out of curiousity and saw it was a former friend. He (the friend)apologized profusely when he got back to their office. I held my head high. Smiled and joked with the Subway lady. I didn't try to act like there was a way to disguise my 33w3d pregnant belly. And, I ordered my salad and water and walked out.
What a great way to start the week!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: It Had To Happen Eventually
Yeah. Especially since stress is why I haven't talked to him since Feb. Thanks. It sucked, but it helps mutual friends have commented on what DB move it is to show up at your Pregnant exGFs place of employment.
It was nice to see an old friend, tho. I got to tease him about his really long hair while he was begging forgiveness. Its not his fault.
You did an amazing job of handling that very hard situation!!
I used to think pregnant women over played their emotions.... untill I become a pregnant women and now, I totally get that sh!t!! There are times I will burst out crying over literally nothing. To be able to just walk away and not blow up at him had to take some restraint.
I'm assuming he knows how far along you are? If so, then he knows your close to having that baby. I'm not sure why he accused you of having someones elses baby (for my STBXH it was money and that he didn't want to pay for anything) but for whatever reason it was, I can tell you he thinks about that baby everyday. There is no way he can't. It was probably his way of trying to get you to react somehow so he had an excuse to talk to you. Why else would he do that? Even if it was something a 13 year old junior high girl would do he had a reason. The best thing you could do is NOT break down and contact him. That 5 minutes of what might seem like a good idea will leave you crying and stressed. I too, had given up talking to my ex just to avoid the stress and even though sometimes I want to call him screaming I know it would be one ear and out the other with him and to avoid stressing me and my little one out I won't do it.
Remember no matter what, no matter how hard this feels at times your obviously a strong woman and you don't need someone like him.
For him, it's about money, too. Until I broke down and asked for a little help with bills, he completely said it was his baby. Once I asked, he started demanding a Pre-natal DNA test, which I refused. And then said I refused because it wasnt his baby. I said we could have one through the court system after the baby comes. But, I wouldn't risk the baby for a DNA test. I'd already had one amnio, I wasn't doing it again.
After that, he just went off the deep end. He demanded a DNA test, to name the baby (a moot point if he doesn't think the baby is his), and joint custody. And, if I refused to give him that, he was going to "take him away" from me. That's when I ceased contact.
Blocked him in FB and email because I KNEW if I got an email from him, I'd be pissed and I'd have to respond. I wouldn't be able to resist. And it wouldn't be pretty. I'll remove the block when the baby comes. I stood there and rubbed my belly...and told him (my alien) that I'd never use him as a bargaining chip and that I would love him enough for both of us. I'm a good mom. I'm not letting a vindictive and bitter man change that.
Your post just made me tear up. I'm very sorry your in this situation. As much as I hate that other women go through this stuff its comforting to know that I'm not alone.
Sometimes I just can't believe how some "fathers" are. Our situations are very similar. I was (and legally still am) married to the father of my baby, and from the start we had talked about having a baby. Unfortunately we hit a rough patch the same time I got pregnant. The first few weeks he was happy, and was positive I was having a boy-talked about names and everything. He has a daughter from before me and wanted a son. Then once the costs started to become real he couldn't handle it, oh that and his girlfriend didn't like that his wife got pregnant. Throughout this whole ordeal I've been accused of being on drugs, being crazy, cheating on him and having someone else's baby, being unfit to be a mom, "tricking" STBXH to getting me pregnant- odd considering we were already married and I had been off my birth control since we got married because we decided to have a baby. At times I had questioned if I really was crazy!! I honestly wondered at first if they (he and his mom who is crazy too) could take my baby from me. I decided to quit talking to STBXH when I was around 15 weeks (I'm now 24) and in that time I've found out I'm having a boy and after it was all he could talk about I haven't even told him because of the situation. I have the best lawyer in the world, and once my DS is born there will be a court ordered paternity test so I know STBXH won't be getting out of his responsibilities. I know my prego hormones are crazy right now, and the other things in my life are making it worse so I have my breakdown moments and cry and want to scream at him but I couldn't love my baby more. I've decided that no matter what I won't ever let my child see his father and I fight, or hear me say an unkind word about his father. I think thats what my STBXH's mother did to him and I refuse to let my child grow up like his father. As mean as that sounds.
Yeah, our situations are very similar. Except we were never married. I consider that a blessing. Things would only be worse if I'd caved and gone ahead and married him to get on his insurance. Things went downhill from there, really. If I look back on it, the day I said, "No. Insurance is the WRONG reason to get married," is the day he suddenly decided he owned me. He had to be in every facet of my life. I couldn't even bury my head in the toilet to throw up without him wanting to be there. I left.
You can't come into a long-time single woman's life and tell her she has to have a man in it. You can't suddenly try to take over it and do stuff she's used to (and likes doing) for herself. It just doesn't work. No, actually, I don't have to marry you. I might like being in a relationship, but I'm more than happy to be single. I don't NEED a man. I want a partner. There is a difference, and a good relationship is built on it. And, for crying outloud DO NOT tell me I can't raise a baby on my own. Hello?! I have 15 year old. I already did. She's pretty awesome if I do say so myself! (Granted, 90% of that is her just being her, lol)
I'm with you on the crazy thing. I questioned myself. I wondered if my pregnancy was making me dellusional. Especially since everyone told me what a great guy he was. AND, having been a friend for years, this was a side of himself I'd never seen. He said stuff that didn't happen did and vice versa. I started only communicating with him via text and email. Then I could go back and read it and go, "Oh, phew! I'm not nuts."
Then came the accusations and threats. "You must have cheated on me." "I can prove how you are." "I can get a court to give me custody." "No court is going to talk to (my 1st ex) and (DD) and take them into consideration." (HUH?!) "You got pregnant on purpose" "You're just after my money" "You shut me out of my son's life." Wait...I'm still pregnant, and I've said from the day I left, "I want us to work together to raise him". How's that shutting you out of his life? And, yeah, I think his new GF has a lot to do with it. She probably feels threatened by it. I know I would, and I'm really confident.
I think you've a good head on your shoulders. You've got good goals for raising your son. There is NOTHING wrong with wanting him to be differently. And, everything RIGHT with saying you'll make sure your son never hears a bad word about his father. I've said a few things to DD of late like, "UGH!!! Your father is so STUBBORN!" or he'll tell her, "Your mother is driving me CRAZY!" but, she has also seen us together so much that she knows we are just being us. She thinks it's funny. "Mom and Dad are like an old married couple."
My ex is so much like that too! He came along in a time in my life when I was having a hard time with myself, and I think he saw that and ran with it. A lot of times though when someone starts feeling better about themselves or realizing they are not who they date, they are their own person the "jerk" of the relationship then starts trying to bring them back to the negative feelings to control them. I've read a lot of things about personality disorders and have pretty much diagnosed him hahahaha.
Somedays, I honestly feel sorry for my STBXH. Yes, he may get away with not supporting his children like he should (he doesn't his little girl from before me, which I didn't know he wasn't while we were together) but he will also never fully get the most out of having kids and to me I would rather struggle financially then miss out on that.
There should be a special island where all men like our ex's be sent to....Just the horrible ex's... all alone with each other for the rest of their lives.... hahaha
I must have some kind of sanity issue to have gone out with him in the first place. SMH. Live and learn, right? Lesson: Even 35 year olds make stupid choices. And, no matter what, my son is worth that nightmare.