~~Worms~~

reb259

how did the reveal go?  Were you able to get the onesie(s) in time?

theworms

The reveal will be on Sunday.  My Parents went to Florida for week.

The onesies will arrive this week.  I'm putting them in a big plastic easter egg with pics from our NT Scan (this Friday) and maybe something else if I can think of something else.

My mom knows but my dad doesn't, DH will videotape them

I will post on PaIF afterwards.

How are you cutie?  Are you going with RBA?

winofairy

theworms:

The reveal will be on Sunday.  My Parents went to Florida for week.

The onesies will arrive this week.  I'm putting them in a big plastic easter egg with pics from our NT Scan (this Friday) and maybe something else if I can think of something else.

My mom knows but my dad doesn't, DH will videotape them

I will post on PaIF afterwards.

Such a cute idea! 

reb259

theworms:

The reveal will be on Sunday.  My Parents went to Florida for week.

The onesies will arrive this week.  I'm putting them in a big plastic easter egg with pics from our NT Scan (this Friday) and maybe something else if I can think of something else.

My mom knows but my dad doesn't, DH will videotape them

I will post on PaIF afterwards.

How are you cutie?  Are you going with RBA?

I am good, just trying to get back into the swing of work...I am still feeling like I am in vacation mode. 

Still not sure what we are doing...sadly we are 90% sure our journey is over and we will live child free.  Sounds so weird to say that out loud.  I just don't know if I can take the disappointment again of a failed cycle and since we are OOP, the idea of throwing all that money at it and not having it work makes even more gun shy.  I really feel lost...I hate being so fearful, this was one thing I never was before IF and now I am scared and second guess myself all the time.  I was really hoping H would step up and make the decision, but he says it is really my choice as I am the one (physically) that needs to go through it and since I am the one concerned with the $.  I know I am not ready to give up the fight becasue today when I started to call the therapist to cancel our DE evaulation, I started to cry and never called.  But that being said, thinking about the possibility of it not working...squashes my strength to continue to fight.  I am tired.  I honestly never thought that the DE cycle we did would fail.  I felt so good about it...I had made peace with the fact I would never have my own bio child mourned it and then was ready to move on and fully accept our situation.  I still can't believe it didnt work...

I really wish someone could make the decision for me or I would get some sign from God like they do in the movies.  lol

I bet you are sorry you asked how I was!!    But I am glad you did, it helps to put it out there.

theworms

reb259:

theworms:

The reveal will be on Sunday.  My Parents went to Florida for week.

The onesies will arrive this week.  I'm putting them in a big plastic easter egg with pics from our NT Scan (this Friday) and maybe something else if I can think of something else.

My mom knows but my dad doesn't, DH will videotape them

I will post on PaIF afterwards.

How are you cutie?  Are you going with RBA?

I am good, just trying to get back into the swing of work...I am still feeling like I am in vacation mode. 

Still not sure what we are doing...sadly we are 90% sure our journey is over and we will live child free.  Sounds so weird to say that out loud.  I just don't know if I can take the disappointment again of a failed cycle and since we are OOP, the idea of throwing all that money at it and not having it work makes even more gun shy.  I really feel lost...I hate being so fearful, this was one thing I never was before IF and now I am scared and second guess myself all the time.  I was really hoping H would step up and make the decision, but he says it is really my choice as I am the one (physically) that needs to go through it and since I am the one concerned with the $.  I know I am not ready to give up the fight becasue today when I started to call the therapist to cancel our DE evaulation, I started to cry and never called.  But that being said, thinking about the possibility of it not working...squashes my strength to continue to fight.  I am tired.  I honestly never thought that the DE cycle we did would fail.  I felt so good about it...I had made peace with the fact I would never have my own bio child mourned it and then was ready to move on and fully accept our situation.  I still can't believe it didnt work...

I really wish someone could make the decision for me or I would get some sign from God like they do in the movies.  lol

I bet you are sorry you asked how I was!!    But I am glad you did, it helps to put it out there.

((HUGS))

it is very scary!!  

i can give you my story and opinion, feel free to ignore.

as we approached the end of our journey we both knew we needed to try everything possible before giving up and living childfree wasn't an option for us.

i did so much research and ultimately it led to this pregnancy and seeing an RI and working w/ my RE.

ultimately, i ask will you look back with regret if you didn't try again?  i know how it feels to move on to a donor and think every thing is going to be great and i'll get KU right away.  it certainly wasn't the case for us.  after 4 IUI's 3 IVF's, 2 FET's and 4 m/c's i'm here.

i don't think you are done cutie.  it's the fear holding you back.  in the end you will get over the fear and try because this is what you want more than anything.  you can always make more money

 

reb259

theworms:

reb259:

theworms:

The reveal will be on Sunday.  My Parents went to Florida for week.

The onesies will arrive this week.  I'm putting them in a big plastic easter egg with pics from our NT Scan (this Friday) and maybe something else if I can think of something else.

My mom knows but my dad doesn't, DH will videotape them

I will post on PaIF afterwards.

How are you cutie?  Are you going with RBA?

I am good, just trying to get back into the swing of work...I am still feeling like I am in vacation mode. 

Still not sure what we are doing...sadly we are 90% sure our journey is over and we will live child free.  Sounds so weird to say that out loud.  I just don't know if I can take the disappointment again of a failed cycle and since we are OOP, the idea of throwing all that money at it and not having it work makes even more gun shy.  I really feel lost...I hate being so fearful, this was one thing I never was before IF and now I am scared and second guess myself all the time.  I was really hoping H would step up and make the decision, but he says it is really my choice as I am the one (physically) that needs to go through it and since I am the one concerned with the $.  I know I am not ready to give up the fight becasue today when I started to call the therapist to cancel our DE evaulation, I started to cry and never called.  But that being said, thinking about the possibility of it not working...squashes my strength to continue to fight.  I am tired.  I honestly never thought that the DE cycle we did would fail.  I felt so good about it...I had made peace with the fact I would never have my own bio child mourned it and then was ready to move on and fully accept our situation.  I still can't believe it didnt work...

I really wish someone could make the decision for me or I would get some sign from God like they do in the movies.  lol

I bet you are sorry you asked how I was!!    But I am glad you did, it helps to put it out there.

((HUGS))

it is very scary!!  

i can give you my story and opinion, feel free to ignore.

as we approached the end of our journey we both knew we needed to try everything possible before giving up and living childfree wasn't an option for us.

i did so much research and ultimately it led to this pregnancy and seeing an RI and working w/ my RE.

ultimately, i ask will you look back with regret if you didn't try again?  i know how it feels to move on to a donor and think every thing is going to be great and i'll get KU right away.  it certainly wasn't the case for us.  after 4 IUI's 3 IVF's, 2 FET's and 4 m/c's i'm here.

i don't think you are done cutie.  it's the fear holding you back.  in the end you will get over the fear and try because this is what you want more than anything.  you can always make more money

 

Thanks friend...I know you are right.  I just can't seem to get over that hump. 

I was thinking the other day about my first IVF and how optimistic I was about it and thinking this is it, this what we need to do.  I remember how excited I was about our first fert report and the transfer and actually thinking, this is a really easy way to get KU, I didnt even have to break a sweat.  Now 4 cycles later I think how the fluck did I get here. 

H says if it works it will be the best $ we have ever spent...you know what I think and this is how effed up I am, it will probably end in a M/C anyway.  Awful, I know.  You have been thru so much how/where did you get the strength to keep going?  How did you find your hope and optimism again?  How did/do you continue to stay positive?  Any words of wisdom would be great!

theworms

reb259:

theworms:

reb259:

theworms:

The reveal will be on Sunday.  My Parents went to Florida for week.

The onesies will arrive this week.  I'm putting them in a big plastic easter egg with pics from our NT Scan (this Friday) and maybe something else if I can think of something else.

My mom knows but my dad doesn't, DH will videotape them

I will post on PaIF afterwards.

How are you cutie?  Are you going with RBA?

I am good, just trying to get back into the swing of work...I am still feeling like I am in vacation mode. 

Still not sure what we are doing...sadly we are 90% sure our journey is over and we will live child free.  Sounds so weird to say that out loud.  I just don't know if I can take the disappointment again of a failed cycle and since we are OOP, the idea of throwing all that money at it and not having it work makes even more gun shy.  I really feel lost...I hate being so fearful, this was one thing I never was before IF and now I am scared and second guess myself all the time.  I was really hoping H would step up and make the decision, but he says it is really my choice as I am the one (physically) that needs to go through it and since I am the one concerned with the $.  I know I am not ready to give up the fight becasue today when I started to call the therapist to cancel our DE evaulation, I started to cry and never called.  But that being said, thinking about the possibility of it not working...squashes my strength to continue to fight.  I am tired.  I honestly never thought that the DE cycle we did would fail.  I felt so good about it...I had made peace with the fact I would never have my own bio child mourned it and then was ready to move on and fully accept our situation.  I still can't believe it didnt work...

I really wish someone could make the decision for me or I would get some sign from God like they do in the movies.  lol

I bet you are sorry you asked how I was!!    But I am glad you did, it helps to put it out there.

((HUGS))

it is very scary!!  

i can give you my story and opinion, feel free to ignore.

as we approached the end of our journey we both knew we needed to try everything possible before giving up and living childfree wasn't an option for us.

i did so much research and ultimately it led to this pregnancy and seeing an RI and working w/ my RE.

ultimately, i ask will you look back with regret if you didn't try again?  i know how it feels to move on to a donor and think every thing is going to be great and i'll get KU right away.  it certainly wasn't the case for us.  after 4 IUI's 3 IVF's, 2 FET's and 4 m/c's i'm here.

i don't think you are done cutie.  it's the fear holding you back.  in the end you will get over the fear and try because this is what you want more than anything.  you can always make more money

 

Thanks friend...I know you are right.  I just can't seem to get over that hump. 

I was thinking the other day about my first IVF and how optimistic I was about it and thinking this is it, this what we need to do.  I remember how excited I was about our first fert report and the transfer and actually thinking, this is a really easy way to get KU, I didnt even have to break a sweat.  Now 4 cycles later I think how the fluck did I get here. 

H says if it works it will be the best $ we have ever spent...you know what I think and this is how effed up I am, it will probably end in a M/C anyway.  Awful, I know.  You have been thru so much how/where did you get the strength to keep going?  How did you find your hope and optimism again?  How did/do you continue to stay positive?  Any words of wisdom would be great!

it will be the best money you ever spent!

honestly, some days were hell.  it so was frustrating and unfair to have success take away so many times after seeing HB's, it didn't make sense and hurt so much.

i guess i dealt with it by allowing myself to grieve and always having a plan for moving forward.  i've always been a pretty positive person but this has definitely taken it's toll on me.

we wanted to be parents more than anything so i did research and tried everything.  i have to say i felt like a science experiment most of the time and had to come to terms that i would not be a lucky one that would get KU and have a take-home baby on IUI#1 or IVF#1 or FET#1.  it sucks that some roads are longer and harder than others.  i accepted that my journey would involve  more trial and error than others.

in the end, i had to keep trying and i had to try everything i could w/in reason and w/o leaving us completely broke.  

everytime i got a BFP, i was scared to death of another loss, and then it would come and you find a way to keep moving forward.   

i'm still so scared but i tell myself everyday is a victory and i pray a lot.  

you will find the strength to try again and believe or not you will feel a little hope somewhere deep down.  for me the alternative was scarier than trying.  i could not imagine a future w/o children to parent.

((HUGS))

reb259

you will find the strength to try again and believe or not you will feel a little hope somewhere deep down.  for me the alternative was scarier than trying.  i could not imagine a future w/o children to parent.

This is so true and I have to remember that!  Thanks for being my afternoon therapist!!

xoxox

 

theworms

no prob cutie.

i got your back.

(HUGS)