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Bittersweet Holidays

johnnys junejohnnys june member
in Late Term and Child Loss

That's the title of my blog post today....

I don't have the heart nor the energy to retype my feelings, but I'm really struggling today (here's the link if you want to read it https://themistylife.blogspot.com/2012/04/bittersweet-holidays.html).

I haven't cried in...well...I don't remember the last time I cried.  But today, I couldn't contain the tears.  I had a very ugly shower cry ( I cry in the shower to muffle it from DH).  It both hurt and felt good at the same time.  I just miss Logan extra today...the ache to the core kind of miss.  I just needed to tell someone who understands....

*hugs* to you all today!   

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Re: Bittersweet Holidays

  • PrettyAccountantPrettyAccountant member

    Sweetie - I am so sorry. I just read your blog entry and while I see hope and happiness for your little girl on her way, I understand the sadness of missing your little boy. As you stated, holidays will always be bittersweet - every happy occasion will always be a reminder of the babies we lost who are not with us.

    Hugs 

    TTC 1/2010 DH Dx - Azoospermia 2/2011
    Hysteroscopy 3/2011 2 Polyps removed 4/2011
    DH on Clomid / Arimidex to address hormonal issues - Sperm found July 2011!
    IVF #1 September 2011 - ER 9/8/2011- 8R, 5M - icsi - 1 made it to transfer - BFFN :-(
    IVF #2 Lucky November 2011 - ER 11/25/2011 - 15 eggs!, 13 mature, 10 fertilized with isci - 7 made it to transfer! Transferred 1 - 8 cell and 2 - 7 cell. BFP!!!!
    1st U/S - Twins! 2nd U/S - 3 heartbeats!!! - HOLY COW!!!
    Prayers for our take home babies!
    2 babies born on 3/27/12 and lost. Last baby born on 3/29/12 and lost at 20 weeks.
    My angels grew wings shortly after birth.
    Ahava Raisel, Matisyahu Nissim & Zev Chaim - Mommy and Daddy will always love you.
    IVF #3 July 2012 - ER 7/17/2012 - 10 R. 5 F. 4 made it to ET
    Transferred 2 on 7/20/2012 no snow babies :-(
    Beta on 7/31/2012 = BFMFN
    A miracle gift expected to come to us through adoption around 9/2012
    Baby girl adopted - Birth Mother changed her mind and took the baby back
    IVF #4 October 2012 - New RE. Doing PGD Testing. 8 R, 7F, 2 made it to 5 day blast for PDG testing. Both Normal (Thank you G-d!!!) 1 boy and 1 girl
    transferred one beautiful 5day blast (girl)
    Please G-d the almighty one - let this be our take home baby!
    Beta #1 158, Beta #2 318, 1 Absolutely magnificent HB at 175! Thank you G-d!!!
    Baby Girl born August 5th. Thank you G-d for our precious miracle.
    AMA. PAIF & SAIF always welcome - I need all the prayers I can get!

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • JessicaRobbJessicaRobb member
    I just wanted to say that I see in your ticker that youre past a difficult milestone with your new little one <3 I am thrilled to see that.
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  • krysiahamatykrysiahamaty

    So sorry. Holidays SUCK! The 6 month mark and now Easter have knocked me down hard. But I'm trying to stay strong for my little girl.

    So sorry you're feeling so down. Big hugs to you and Logan. I hope all our LO's had a nice Easter where they are together. 

    TTC since November 2009. DH diagnosed with sperm antibodies. IUI #1 = BFN IUI #2 = BFN On the road to IVF.... Egg Retrieval Jan 21, 2011 16 eggs retrieved Egg transfer Jan 26, 2011 Only 2 viable eggs transferred. 1 IVF, 1 ICSI IVF #1 = BFP :-) 10/3/11 No heart beat at 38 weeks: Our baby Jack became an angel 12/14/11 = natural BFP Rainbow baby Samantha Jacklyn born8/8/12. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • fluttergirlmoonchild79fluttergirlmoonchild79 member
    Simply beautiful post.  I never thought Easter would hit me as hard as it did yesterday.  Went to my in-laws and couldn't bear to watch my niece and nephews hunt for eggs.  Even though Corbin wouldn't be old enough to hunt for eggs this year, I was overwhelmed with the "he should be here right now."  I'm so sorry you had a rough day too and glad to hear your baby girl let you know she's ok.  {{HUGS}}

     

    In memory of Corbin Scott 10/28/11-12/3/11. Heaven got another angel the night you left this world behind Heaven got a little better the day it took you away from me Missing you tonight, see you again sometime For now I'll close my eyes and dream of heaven tonight I'll love you forever I'll like you for always Now and Forever My baby you'll be

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

     

     

    corbinsmommy.blogspot.com


     

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  • weddedwifeweddedwife member

    Your post was beautiful. I am in tears. I know what you mean about "bittersweet". Nearly every day is like this for me, but especially the holidays. I'm not pg w/ my rainbow yet, but I do have my DD. Watching her grow is so amazing; she brings me so much joy every single day. But she should have a baby brother right now. She should be growing up with him.

    Easter was actually a pretty good day- we were camping. We did the egg hunt for DD. We picnicked at the lake & then drove home. It was a good day... but not the day I imagined. It's not at all what it should've been. We should've spent the day at home w/ DD & her 4 or 5 week old brother. I should've been nursing him, playing w/ her, taking cute pics of the 2 of them together.

    It is weird creating new, good memories that should've been other, different ones. Bittersweet to say the least.

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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