Introducing myself and the birth and loss of my triplets

PrettyAccountant

Hello everyone,

My name is Rachel and my world came crashing down last week. I woke up to strong stomach pains and gave birth to my first son on my couch. At almost 20 weeks pregnant, there was no hope for him to survive outside of me. We were rushed to the hospital where I learned my baby died on route. My prayers turned to the well being of my other two. Later that day I learned my white blood cell count was 28,000, my sugar level was 350, my temperature was 101 ? the drs wanted to deliver the other two because they said my life was in danger and I could die if the infection got worse. I couldn't do it. G-d saw my need and took that decision out of my hands by causing my water to break with my daughter and she was born. She was as beautiful as my son and perfect in every way ? just born too soon. After my daughters birth, all my levels started to come down and I prayed that my last little one could pull through this. That was not the case. Two days later my water broke and my other son was born and died soon after.

I feel like my life has ended. We had the funeral yesterday and I had to say Good-bye to my beautiful and perfect babies. I prayed to get pregnant for so long and was over the moon thrilled when we found out we were expecting triplets. I am so sad and empty inside - how do I go on with life?

Rachel 

Carolee

I'm so very sorry for your losses.  I posted on IF for some time and I saw your story over there.  My heart breaks for you.  I had the same question as you when my son died.  How do I go on with life?  I still don't know the answer to that.  I just do.  It's incredibly hard sometimes.  This board has been a tremendous support for me and I hope it will be the same for you.

ehlersm

I am so sorry you are going through this. There is not much we can say to make you feel better right now. Just know that we are here to support you in any way we can and we all know how you are feeling.

Your story sounds very similar to mine except I had twins instead of triplets. I take a lot of comfort in knowing that they have each other since we can not physically be with them. 

doodlescaboodles

I am so sorry for your increadible loss.  Your story brought tears to my eyes.          I gave birth to my twin girls at 19 weeks at home a little over 2 weeks ago. Not a day goes by I don't think of them. I hope as your days pass by you are able to find the strength you need and a smile returns to your face.

magdalina.h

I am so sorry for your losses

tubbsy32

I'm so sorry. And we all know how hard life is now and unfortunately it will never be exactly the same. This board has really helped me and I turn to my husband and mom for support. I also just started seeing a therapist. I'm am so sorry that you lost your babies.

SweetBaby2004

I am so very sorry for the loss of your babies.

Mandiemn

I'm sitting here crying with a broken heart reading your story. How do any of us continue living after losing our babies. I lost my Buffy @ 19w6d a little over a month ago and I break down every day. The happiness and my new normal are slowly making there was into my life, as well.

I hate that we have to be here. There is nothing fair or right about any of this. My love is with you and your family. 

The ladies here have been a tremendous help to me since it happened. You may find family and friends pulling away because sometimes they just don't know what to say, or how to act around you. But you can always come here if you need to vent, cry, be angry... anything. No one understands you quite like us women who have lost babies. 

There is nothing right or wrong you can do right now. I stayed in bed for days, didn't shower for days, cried so much and so hard that my whole body hurt. 

My thoughts are with you, and if you need anything feel free to message me or post here. It helps to get out your thoughts and feelings. 

JessicaRobb

I am so sorry for you and your family. I cannot imagine losing three babies. You are in my thoughts.

pb&fluff

I'm so, so sorry for your loss.  I can't imagine how traumatic that was for you to go through.  ((hugs))

jbranden12

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious babies. I am new here as well and struggling with the same questions.

karebear57

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious babies. (((Big, big hugs))) If you would like to share with us, what are their names? All of the ladies on here have been so wonderful. We are here for you.

eroplane

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet babies. I hope you are able to find some comfort and camaraderie on this board. 

Kris721

(((hugs))). I'm so sorry for your loss.  I hope you come here often as this board was often like a lifeline for me.

dandywarhol

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful babies.  I hope the women of this board can provide you with a safe place to share your feelings, anger, questions, tears. 

You will make it through each day because you have to.  Do what ever you need to do to get through the next minute, the next hour.  Scream if you have to.  Sob if you need to.  Just lie there if that helps.  I found that journaling helped me immensely. 

krysiahamaty

I am so sorry for your losses. I am in tears reading your story. I hate to welcome you here but I hope you find comfort and support from the amazing ladies here. Huge hugs.

barbie92

I am so very sorry for your losses. Big hugs to you!

SJHodgson

I am so sorry for your losses.

 

weddedwife

Hi Rachel,

I'm so very sorry for your losses. We all know the pain you are now feeling.I won't lie- this is a hard road to walk down. The women here have been a tremendous support to me in these last months. I hope you are able to find the same support here.

lizzythom9106

I am so, so sorry. I can't imagine losing 3 after such a long journey. My heart is broken for you. I hope you begin to heal.

StephK86

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful babies. How do you go on? One second, minute, hour, day at a time. I know it feels like you can not live without them. I am almost two years in to the loss of my son. In the beginning I thought for sure I would die of heartbreak. Just take it easy on yourself, grieve as hard and long as you want to and ignore the stupid comments you will inevitably hear from those who have never been through a loss. This will not be an easy journey your old life is now gone and you will have to figure out how to live as your new self.

If you find you really are getting out of control as far as the anger, not being able to sleep, or eat like I did you may need to seek outside help. The things that got me through the most were joining bereavement groups, message board, writing a blog and doing whatever I could to meet other loss mom. The best thing is to get your feelings out to someone who truly understands.

SockMonkeySam is on here (sorry if someone already posted this I didn't read the comments yet). She also lost triplets and recently went through the loss of her son. I think it could benefit you both tot connect with each other.

I am so sorry you have to be here and had to lose your precious babies. Everyone here is very nice and I hope you find the support you need here. BIG HUGS to you sweetie. Thee are no words I can really say but I am sorry and if you ever want to talk I would be more then willing to listen.

blessedhope

Oh Rachel, my heart is breaking for you. All I can say is I am so sorry.

laurendSept05

I am so sorry for your loss.  This board has helped me alot - although its awful any of us have to suffer this loss - it is nice to know you are not alone in your grief.  I saw your other post with your babies names - those are beautiful.  We also chose a name that had a lot of meaning for us, Caleb (whole hearted, devotion, fearlessness in the face of overwhelming odds), and it has helped us to say his name and remember what it means to us and our journey (infertility and IVF).   

MandynStephen

So sorry for the loss of your sweet babies!  (((hugs)))

ECUPirate04

I'm so sorry for your losses

nuttycoconut

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious babies. I saw a post about you on the IF board and I'm so glad you came to post here. Sending you lots of hugs and strength to get through the next few months.