Parenting after 35

S/o the grammar post... (I feel safe venting here but not on a busy board)

Hey, All,

I felt safe venting about this here because of the grammar post. In addition to my professorship and my fifty other jobs (editor, book reviewer, etc.), I teach for a for-profit online writing school (that was founded by a friend from grad school, so it's not like it's a scam). It's one of those "Take classes from a real, published writer!" sorts of places, but generally, I feel like I really help people, and most people who take my classes are putting together a poetry portfolio for graduate school in creative writing or something like that.

But---right now, I have this student who is SO nice, but she's probably at a 12-year-old level mentally, and she's semi-literate. Her work really has improved, but she sends me these letters (via email with her creative writing packets) about how she's sure after working with me, her book will be published.

This poor woman. I really think she's mentally slow. Her last packet was all love poems like a 12-year-old would write, and she's in her fifties. *SIGH*

Basically, since the school isn't accredited, and it's just for personal enrichment, anyone who is over 18 with a credit card can sign up, and she's signed up for *another* six-week session with me. I'm going to see if somehow during that next session, I can subtly suggest that she take time off to read more poets and take a break from taking my class.

Is that so wrong?

 

 

MacAndCheese
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Re: S/o the grammar post... (I feel safe venting here but not on a busy board)

  • I say if she's able to pay for the class and enjoys it, why not let her do what she enjoys, whether or not she'll ever publish isn't something to concentrate on but doing what you're good at and that's being a good teacher to her and helping hone her skills.

    I've tutored adults who didn't have 5th grade reading or math skills but were studying for their GED's. It took them years, but they stuck with it and some, not many have passed. So as hard as it may be, try not to focus on what she can or can't do, but what you can. You never know what you can help her bring out.

    GL!

  • I agree with Pearly.  Even if her goal to be published doesn't seem attainable to you, it seems like she is a dedicated student doing her best at something she enjoys.  I think she needs positive reinforcement and encouragement....let her have her dreams.  Even if she isn't on the same level as the other students, surely she has something to gain by taking another course.  As you said yourself, this isn't a creative writing course at Harvard, so it's not like she needs to be critiqued at a certain level.
     
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  • Agree with Strunella and Pearly. If she is only at a grade 5 reading level, this is only going to help. Maybe even give her mini assignments, suggest poets that she might like and understand. Encourage her to stretch herself. I think if she's happy, there is nothing bad about what she's doing. Even if her dream seems unattainable, I see nothing wrong with her having the dream (I always think about Pandora, all she had left was hope).

    If she tends to linger, I don't see anything wrong with setting time limits. Just be blunt and tell her, while you enjoy taking time with her, you can only spare x minutes after class.

    ETA: I come across people in my job who are functionally illiterate, and I often recommend they try out programs like a local one called Literacy for Life. The program is for anyone from babies (they do rhythm and rhyme time), to adult. They have non threatening programs to help adults in every avenue of literacy. Maybe there is one in your area that may also be of interest to her.

  • Agree with PP's but with warning. How many letters has she sent you so far? Does she come across like a stalker a little bit? Keep those things in mind.

    Just curious: how do you know she is in her 50s since this is an on-line class?

    Also, please don't kill me for my grammar since English is my 3d language.

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  • Yeah, everyone thinks they have talent but few people do. Likewise, nobody likes to think they're thick when more people than not are. ::shrugs::

    Still, I agree with everyone else that there's no harm in her going if she pays and enjoys it. Just help her as much as you can and leave it at that. 

  • Thanks so much, Everyone. I just needed to decompress when I opened another "packet" of her poetry.

    The way I knew about her age, is in the first packet, the student tells the instructor a bit about themselves. I've been working really hard to suggest poems for her from https://poetryfoundation.org that deal with her interests--gardening, nature, etc.

    It's just sometimes going over the work is a little tedious. I do feel like I'm helping her. I just needed to vent when I opened up a packet of seven poems. (The most she's supposed to send is three.)

    MacAndCheese
    Mac and cheese lover!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


  • imageshaindelr:

    Thanks so much, Everyone. I just needed to decompress when I opened another "packet" of her poetry.

    The way I knew about her age, is in the first packet, the student tells the instructor a bit about themselves. I've been working really hard to suggest poems for her from https://poetryfoundation.org that deal with her interests--gardening, nature, etc.

    It's just sometimes going over the work is a little tedious. I do feel like I'm helping her. I just needed to vent when I opened up a packet of seven poems. (The most she's supposed to send is three.)

    Totally fine! The other thing that came to mind that I forgot to mention was about how people think they're more talented than they are reminds me of Idol. You watch the first auditions, and they can sound like a cat in a blender, and are still convinced they're the next Carrie Underwood. They really have no idea, and to convince them otherwise gets messy.

    Eh, pull three poems and then let her know that you chose three, she can hold on to the other four until next time. I do get it, you've got yourself a lost puppy.

  • imageshaindelr:

    Thanks so much, Everyone. I just needed to decompress when I opened another "packet" of her poetry.

    The way I knew about her age, is in the first packet, the student tells the instructor a bit about themselves. I've been working really hard to suggest poems for her from https://poetryfoundation.org that deal with her interests--gardening, nature, etc.

    It's just sometimes going over the work is a little tedious. I do feel like I'm helping her. I just needed to vent when I opened up a packet of seven poems. (The most she's supposed to send is three.)

    Totally fine! The other thing that came to mind that I forgot to mention was about how people think they're more talented than they are reminds me of Idol. You watch the first auditions, and they can sound like a cat in a blender, and are still convinced they're the next Carrie Underwood. They really have no idea, and to convince them otherwise gets messy.

    Eh, pull three poems and then let her know that you chose three, she can hold on to the other four until next time. I do get it, you've got yourself a lost puppy.

  • I totally understand the urge to help this person.  But giving false hope is a danger too.  Perhaps you can urge her to join some local writers group where she lives so she can get more immediate feedback?  Local libraries often have these types of things.

    I have an acquaintance (won't even call him a friend) who believes he is the world's best writer and he has a memoir of some goofball encounter he believes he had with the CIA or some crazy nonsense.  Sent it to all kinds of publishers and it gets routinely rejected.  So he self published online and now keeps bugging people to buy it.  So far, I think maybe 10 people have.. and those were likely sympathy buys.

    Several years ago he wrote a suspence novel. He asked me to proofread it.  I honestly could not get through the first chapter.. it was so incredibly bad.   I told him that it needed some editing.  To him, editing meant ADD MORE!  I explained that in many cases, less is more.  And left it at that.

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