Update: going to see my friends baby

lrichmond86

I posted earlier that I was going to meet my friend's baby today.  She's 10 days old and she and my son were supposed to grow up together (our husbands have been best friends for 20 years).  I was really worried that when I held her it would bring back all of the memories of the last time I held baby Gary, that I would be aching for my son.  But it wasn't at all.  When I walked in her mom was holding her and it just looked so perfect that I was truly happy for them without any negative feelings about it.  I held the baby for almost two hours oohing and aahing at every hiccup and coo.  I didn't cry at all.  On the contrary it felt good to hold a baby in my arms again, even knowing that it wasn't mine.  It made me realize that not every newborn needs to trigger a negative response from me because they are totally different babies from mine.  (I know this sounds weird, so let me explain.)  I know, logically, that they are all different babies.  But for a long time every baby I saw was just another baby that wasn't mine.  They were all the same, all elicited the same response in me.  And none of them could compare to the baby that I lost.  But today I was able to recognize that I can care about my friend and her baby and be truly happy for them without comparing them to myself and my baby.  It feels really good to have taken this step and to have pulled through it without a major setback.  Don't get me wrong... there were moments where I felt sad, when I thought about how unfair it was that I didn't have my baby.  But I didn't dwell on them.  It was very nerve wracking before I went today, but I'm so glad that I did!

littlepenguin2012

I am so glad this went well for you!

 I do understand what you mean about seeing all babies as individuals vs. the earlier feeling of sadness about all babies.  I had a similar transition.  I used to see any baby and immediately feel sad, but now I think each baby is different and I can enjoy being around them a little more.  It is still hard sometimes, but it feels like it is getting better.

 I am so happy that your visit with your friend went well! ((hugs)) 

MandynStephen

Sounds like you handled it beautifully and in a way that honored baby Gary! 

karebear57

I'm very glad it went so well for you! ((hugs))

howell.196

I can totally relate to what you are talking about!! I post something similiar to this a couple weeks ago. My baby was to grow-up close to our friend's baby boy. I had this overwhelming fear of going over to see him. However when I got over there I had this overwhelming happiness for them. I am also glad your friends have been so supportive with everything. I also wanted to tell you that is awsome of you to attempt going over there. I know how much struggle I had getting myself to go!!

hummingbird80

This gives me hope that I will eventually feel this way too, thank you for sharing.

DragonflyBelle

*TICKER WARNING*

 

 

The first one is always the roughest, especially when it's someone that you were expecting alongside. I remember holding my new baby cousin and thinking how different she felt in my aching arms than my Cailin did.....and then I realized it was because she wasn't still and was breathing...her heart was beating. That was hard, but it felt so good to have a baby in my arms again. So glad the experience was good for you!