FTM, pregnant and lost
I'm a FTM, I've struggled with depression and anxiety for years. Before I found out I was pregnant I was on a cocktail of meds. I found out I was pregnant when I went in for a UTI, talk about shocked! I was cut off cold turkey from my meds (incl BC) and WOW what a miserable couple of weeks! I was even hospitalized durning this time for observation b/c I was so sick!!!
So here I am knocking on the door of week 16 (10 weeks after the big news) and while I feel like I have managed do to ok, I'm beginning to feel less than okay. When I begin to cry my husband tries to resassure me with 'You're okay, get it under control'...this response isn't helping! It's making me feel worse. I don't feel like he's ever understood my depression and while he was supportive of me seeing a therapist we moved 2 months before the news. We relocated closer to family to have a support system but I feel totally alone. Lost. Helpless.
What can I do to help him understand I can't just 'snap out of it'? How do you cope on the hard days? How do you avoid disappointment on the day you find out your are having a girl and all you've ever wanted is a boy? I'm less than 4 weeks away from my appointment and I find myself not sleeping at night worring about the appointment. These seem like such 'little' things that shouldn't worry me but as I've found just because I can tell myself this isn't a big deal don't worry, I still worry.
Re: FTM, pregnant and lost
First, I am so sorry you are going through this. Second, I think you need to talk to your doctor for sure. I am very surprised that they just cut you off from all your meds cold turkey (mine specifically told me not to do that). If you are having this hard of a time, your doctor needs to know. Now that you are in the second trimester, perhaps they would be more likely to help you out.
As for your husband, yeah, he is certainly not helping. Would he be willing to go to counseling with you? It might help him if someone who is trained in these situations could explain it to him. Like, hearing it from a professional in a different way may help him to understand, plus it would give you a chance to explain what you need from him. Either way, I think you would be doing yourself a big favor by resuming counseling yourself, even if just for someone to get these feelings out to.
As for the boy/girl thing, I will be completely honest: I went through it too. I was so desperate for a girl, it was all I had ever wanted. I had myself convinced it was a boy before the u/s, just so I wouldn't be as devastated. I know we all say we want healthy babies, and of course we DO, more than anything, but you can't turn off your feelings. I was lucky; things went my way and I got my wish. But, had it turned out the other way, I guarantee you that two things would have happened: One, I would have still loved that baby with all my heart and soul, and Two, there would have been a bit of a healing process for sure. This is why a counselor would help, because he or she would be able to listen without judgement and guide you through it, whereas people in real life may not validate your feelings.
Lastly, if your OB is unwilling to help you with your depression and anxiety, perhaps you can be referred to a MFM doctor (high-risk OB) who can guide you through the pregnancy. I wish you the best of luck and will be sending good thoughts your way
I'm surprised about the meds too. I wasn't taking meds before DS, but the dr said he would put me on some if I got pregnant again to prevent some of these feelings. I'm no expert, but there has to be something you can take.
I think wanting a boy or girl is normal. I was sure that DS was a boy the whole time. Secretly I was glad. I wanted a little boy. Don't get me wrong, I would love a little girl too. You will worry. You're a mom. That's what moms do.
IMO you should talk to a conselor either alone or with your husband. I think it would help him find ways to help you both. I also think you could share your opinions without fear of judgement.
Good luck momma. You can do this.
We were planning on TTC so we talked to our dr. 1st about me staying on the meds I was currently taking. The doc looked up each med to see the risks to the baby. We found that the one that I only took if needed was NOT a good med for the baby so I refused to take that one. If I felt I needed it I tried to use other coping strategies. And while there were some risks with the med I took everyday (just like with any med taken during pregnancy) my doc and I decided that the risk of me being on the med while pregnant was not as great as the risks (high stress, anxety, depression, panic attacks) if I were to stop taking the med. I decided to continue taking the med and I have a happy, healthy baby. They just did a few extra u/s during the pregnancy to make sure he was developing normaly. And that wasn't bad because I got to see my LO more than just once!
So I would talk to you doc and see if there is something you can take that would be safer for your LO. As for your H, it is hard for someone to truely understand depression if they have not gone through it themselves. MH's mom suffered depression and he still sometimes has a hard time trying to comfort me when I am having issues. I wish you the best of luck though.
Not only do we share the same name, but we share the same exact story. I was on Prozac, Adderall and Ativan when I found out I was pregnant and stopped immediately. I was okay for awhile but over the last few weeks, I've been in a really dark, rough place. I spoke to my Dr. who spoke to my Psychiatrist and they agreed low dose Prozac is my best option. I did a TON of research and focused more on the stories of women than the actual studies themselves (the studies change every minute). I began taking it yesterday and have high hopes for it working.
Like you, my DF is completley clueless when it comes to depression. He thinks I'll just snap out of it. I recently spoke to him and said, "I know you only mean well, but I would rather you just accept you can't understand my depression, then pretend you do and know how to solve it." It went really well and so far so good. Now he just holds me when I'm upset.
As for the boy/girl thing, I always wanted a little boy. But when I found out I was pregnant, I thought for sure I was having a little girl. The entire first 17 weeks, I thought about how amazing it would be to have a daughter. I was in awe of every little girl I saw. I was so sure it was a girl. When I got the U/S, I could see the penis before the technician told me the news. I was in shock for about 5 seconds and than instantly re-fell in love with my baby boy. I think as a FTM, it may be easier for you to get over gender disappointment.
Either way, feel free to email me at iheartnjdevils@gmail.com if you want to chat, talk, rant, advice, whatever!