i have to vent..sry

robbins25

ok  this is maybe the 3rd or 4th post about my going to be 14yr old step daughter.. when my DH and i got together he wasnt seeing his kids much i have insisted that he does..i cant stand a dad not being in the picture of their kids but its not by his choice their moms played a major part..anyway about the 14yr old...so she tried to play the dumb card i saw right thru that right off the bat..once she started comeing into my home(i have 2 younger girls7&9) she started this bulying i had some words w Dh and i was told i was picking on his her i went off saying im being a parent no matter what or who anyone thinks they are. it took him a minute to relise what was going on..my step daughter isnt the best role model  admiting she wants to have a baby for the attion factor in the last year. her attitude gets her into trouble alot and DH keeps that in line..she has lost her cell phone and her computer..to my knowledge me and DH keep open comunication on everything concerning her but he seems to want to take it easy on her...his mom has concerns that i agree with and he seems to think that he needs to be easy on her to not push her away.. this girl has some mental issues that have been started from her mom..basicly saying once you know how to have sex you can do it was letting her run around and now that she is under DH custody she has no fredom and aprently im the blame.....i see it as i expressed my concers because she is putting her image on my 2 younger girls and her other younger sister who is also 9..i seen on her fb page she posted that her dad is being a jerk bc his head is up my ass.....i say were being parents something she hasnt had in her life thanks to her mom..after i have this baby things might get worse and im praying they dont

Nineoceans

I mean or you could tell her you give her rules and structure because you love her not because you dont want her to mess up YOUR kids. 

I think you've posted something similar to this before but get that girl on a fail proof birth control method (the shot or an IUD) before you're raising her daughter as well. If you don't address birth control with her I give her about 6 more months before he comes home with the news she's pregnant. Take it seriously. 

MarSamWhitney

Nineoceans:

I mean or you could tell her you give her rules and structure because you love her not because you dont want her to mess up YOUR kids. 

I think you've posted something similar to this before but get that girl on a fail proof birth control method (the shot or an IUD) before you're raising her daughter as well. If you don't address birth control with her I give her about 6 more months before he comes home with the news she's pregnant. Take it seriously. 

and I would shut down that FB page, pronto.

MarSamWhitney

Also, what about getting this girl some therapy or counseling?

Holly_1007

im so confused. is BM not in the picture anymore? if you and DH have custody of her you are both her parents, your DH needs to see that. its not bullying, its called not wanting your daughter and grandaughter to be the same age.  I agree with PP, shot or IUD BC ASAP, and probably some therapy.  alot of it is probably teenage angst.

you need to worry about the well being of ALL the children in your house, not just how the actions of the older (who isn't yours biologically) is going to affect the youngers. 

and please, grammar and spellcheck are your friends. 

xmaryrickx

She is a 14 yo girl who has had her freedom taken away from her, has been force to change where she lives and is going through God only knows what at school. Of course she hates you guys and thinks you are A-holes. She isn't going to understand that you are doing this for her own good until she is much older, and maybe never. These issues do not sound like mental issues, and honestly sound more caused by her father than her mother.

Saran

robbins25:

ok  this is maybe the 3rd or 4th post about my going to be 14yr old step daughter.. when my DH and i got together he wasnt seeing his kids much i have insisted that he does..i cant stand a dad not being in the picture of their kids but its not by his choice their moms played a major part..anyway about the 14yr old...so she tried to play the dumb card i saw right thru that right off the bat..once she started comeing into my home(i have 2 younger girls7&9) she started this bulying i had some words w Dh and i was told i was picking on his her i went off saying im being a parent no matter what or who anyone thinks they are. it took him a minute to relise what was going on..my step daughter isnt the best role model  admiting she wants to have a baby for the attion factor in the last year. her attitude gets her into trouble alot and DH keeps that in line..she has lost her cell phone and her computer..to my knowledge me and DH keep open comunication on everything concerning her but he seems to want to take it easy on her...his mom has concerns that i agree with and he seems to think that he needs to be easy on her to not push her away.. this girl has some mental issues that have been started from her mom..basicly saying once you know how to have sex you can do it was letting her run around and now that she is under DH custody she has no fredom and aprently im the blame.....i see it as i expressed my concers because she is putting her image on my 2 younger girls and her other younger sister who is also 9..i seen on her fb page she posted that her dad is being a jerk bc his head is up my ass.....i say were being parents something she hasnt had in her life thanks to her mom..after i have this baby things might get worse and im praying they dont

I think her mother and your DH have played a part in this. It sounds as though she is crying out for attention seeing she has blocks of time in her life where one of her parents is absent. Children need BOTH parents with an active role in their life 100% of the time. When that doesn't happen, you can't scratch your head wondering why a 14 yr old wanst to have a baby.

Rhenna

xmaryrickx:

She is a 14 yo girl who has had her freedom taken away from her, has been force to change where she lives and is going through God only knows what at school. Of course she hates you guys and thinks you are A-holes. She isn't going to understand that you are doing this for her own good until she is much older, and maybe never. These issues do not sound like mental issues, and honestly sound more caused by her father than her mother.

100,000,000% this!!!!!!!!!!  Every time you post you talk about how bad this girl is and how she has mental problems.  Yet from the first post I read from you about this girl was screaming that she has issues with her dad not being in her life up until now coupled with the fact that she is 14!  I really wish you would stop labeling her as having mental problems when she just needs parenting.  You have this label on her and I'm sure you treat her with that association and it will only make things worse.  She needs to start being treated as a 14 year old daughter that is a part of your family and not as some horrible kid with mental problems.

kmartinez80

Wait, didn't you guys have your 14 yr old SD living with her grandparents or am I thinking of someone else?  Did you guys decide to have her move in with you now?  If I recall your other posts correctly you always seem to be blaming this girl or worried this girl is going to screw up the younger kids instead of worrying about what is best for this 14 year old.  Honestly, I don't think you're the right person to be helping this girl or providing guidance because it doesn't seem like you're willing to do what's best for her.  From the few details you've provided I think you need to get this girl into counseling and then you should all probably get into some family counseling so that your DH (and you) can have some guidance on how to help your SD.

Wahoo

One major reason teenage girls are promiscuous is because they are seeking male attention - attention that obviously daddy didn't provide while she was growing up. 

Time to sit down with your H and tell him he a major source of the problem, and that if he loves his daughter, he will have higher standards for her than the ones he is allowing her to set on her own.