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Snow__White__Queen

I'm devastated today. My boyfriend and I broke up a few nights ago when he claimed he wasn't in love with me anymore. This month is our 3 year anniversary. I never saw it coming. I love him as much today as I did a week or month or year ago. I looked forward to having our little family (I'm 23 weeks). He says he wants both of us to be around for our daughter and actually wants full custody, which is very unlikely but I admire the fact that he does want to be involved. What do you do if your the one who is very happy with the relationship? 

 

I want to be optimistic and say it might work out or he might need time, but I don't want to be disappointed later on. And I don't want any bad feelings between us for her sake. I'm just so very hurt. 

PrettyInPearls23

From my personal experience (and from what I've seen other go through on here), chances are when a man says he doesn't love you anymore out of the blue, there's probably someone else.

I'm sorry you're going through this...you'll experience a rollercoaster of emotions during all of this, but please know that you can get through it all. Is your XBF saying he wants full custody in order to avoid child support? That's a common trend on here too...the dad wants custody or 50/50 to avoid child support (not that they ADMIT that's the actual reason why).

Just remember one thing...you need to protect yourself and your LO. Being nice gets you screwed. Memorize this mantra and repeat it to yourself over and over again.

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Snow__White__Queen

PrettyInPearls23:

From my personal experience (and from what I've seen other go through on here), chances are when a man says he doesn't love you anymore out of the blue, there's probably someone else.

I'm sorry you're going through this...you'll experience a rollercoaster of emotions during all of this, but please know that you can get through it all. Is your XBF saying he wants full custody in order to avoid child support? That's a common trend on here too...the dad wants custody or 50/50 to avoid child support (not that they ADMIT that's the actual reason why).

Just remember one thing...you need to protect yourself and your LO. Being nice gets you screwed. Memorize this mantra and repeat it to yourself over and over again.

 

Sorry it has taken me so long to respond. When he said he wanted custody, he said that to show that he wants to be in her life. He isn't running away because of the baby only to disappear and never be heard from again. It isn't like that at all. He loves her very much already, as do I, but he isn't in love with me. I asked him about anyone else and he said no. I asked what the problem was so that steps can be taken to fix it. He said there was not a sole problem he could pinpoint. It sounds like he really just needs time away, however I'm so very scared it won't work out. I want to fix it and come back home.  

Snow__White__Queen

beccaga16:

I agree with the above.

If he is sincere that he wants you both to be in your LOs life why is he asking for full custody? Wouldn't he start with 50/50? It just seems odd to me and that you will be up for a battle.

I think it IS best for both parents to be there 100% for their kids, don't get me wrong!! BUT I don't like the timing of his request. He hurt you deeply and knows you are still deeply in love with him... I feel like he may be trying to take advantage of you while you are in a down place and possibly trying to please him in order to "win him back", KWIM?

I think you both should take a break from talking so everything can sink in. Keep him updated on the baby only, like when you have appts and what the doctor says. Take a month to feel your emotions and grieve a little. Remind him that you are not cutting him out, but you need a little space for a short time and then you can talk about custody/CS and other things regarding baby.

Talk to a lawyer. Even if you are on the best of terms with X, a lawyer will help you both with the paperwork and help you navigate your  state laws.

 

He isn't being demanding. He said a 50/50 situation would be ideal. I know the best thing is to give him time, however instinct says to hold on tighter. That is the hardest part so far - to not call or text in an effort to get him to change his mind. It isn't set in stone that we are over so I don't want to get ahead of myself and make any legal plans.  

kmartinez80

When someone tells you they don't want to be with you anymore, listen to them.  PP have given you really good advice.  Stop trying to defend your EX-BF and figure out a plan for you to move on and take care of your LO.  You need to realize that you deserve better than this guy and you deserve to be with someone who cares about you, loves you, and wants to be with you - don't sell yourself short.

DaringMiss

People say a lot of things in the heat of the moment.  The proof will be in what he actually does when the baby arrives.

Don't give him props until he delivers the goods. 

Snow__White__Queen

Sorry ladies, I don't mean to put the needs of my child last or anything like that, I'm just so overwhelmingly devastated. Both of my parents live in another state/country and I have no siblings so I have nothing to do, but cry all day.

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Snow__White__Queen

Woke up from a nap and just lost it. I had called him to ask if he would still like to go to my appointment and he said since its not a sonogram, then no. He also said that he feels there is nothing we can do to fix it and that he will not change his mind. 

I can tell I still had a little bit of hope stored up because my heart is broken all over again. I have an interview tomorrow, but I don't know if I will be able to make it. I don't want to start crying on the poor interviewer. I have no money for therapy or anything so I am so lost.  

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