Suggestions for making DD less nervous about new baby?

liltatgirl0280

DD from my first marriage is 8 yrs old. I remarried last year and we're expecting a boy in a little under 2 months. Last night I was putting DD to bed and she asked me if I thought people would like the new baby more than her. I assured her that even though people might show some extra attention to a new baby that it was just because he would be a new baby and they wanted to see and hold him just as much as she does.  Then I told her she will be just as loved and just as important to all of us and that she will always be my baby.

It makes me worry a little that we're surrounded by DH's family and my family lives 14 hours away. I suspect DH's family will have more of a connection with DS. DH is hoping this will mean he has a son to hand the farm down to when he retires, if the son wants to be a farmer. (DD has no interest in barn chores or cows but I'm afraid this will make her feel less special.) Then there's the little challenges we've had with DD lately not wanting to do chores, not cleaning up her messes, and expecting things to be handed to her. Most of that is my fault because she's always been an only child and the baby on my side of the family so everyone spoiled her until we moved away. Now she's learning if she wants something that she has to earn it and it's a struggle.

My question is... how do I make DD feel just as loved when people I don't have control over might show a preferance? And how do I do this without confusing the message we've been trying to teach her that if she wants something it isn't going to magically appear while she sits in front of a tv making a mess of the entire house? Any advice?

Sigir

My dc8 is very excited about the new baby, but also expressed similar concerns, early on.  I told my dc that as the older sibling they are going to be one of the most important people in the new baby's life, and that the new baby is going to think they are the coolest kid ever and want to do everything just like them.  I've also said that this new baby is all of ours (dh's, dc's and mine) and we will all be taking care of them.  I think that really helped allay some of dc's fears. 

I am lucky in that my in-laws have embraced dc as one of their own, so I don't have to deal with that piece of it.  Have you spoken to your dh about your concerns?  what is his take?  

FutureMrsWittig

She's going to be nervous.  You can't take that away.  But your reaction once the baby comes is going to be key.

Sit down with DH and make a plan.  Plan some daddy-daughter dates for the two of them after the baby comes (nothing big, just something fun), and you plan some times to do things with her too.  That will let her know she's still important to you both.

And be prepared to be her advocate.  When people offer to come help with the baby, it's okay to tell them that you have him under control, but could they come take DD to the park because she hasn't been out of the house all day... etc...  People who really love you guys will be happy to help that way.  And people who say never mind, maybe another time, are probably not people you want around your kids anyway.