Giving yourself permission

jbranden12

How did you give yourself permission to begin feeling stable again? It's been almost week, and it makes me a little worried/upset that I didn't sob as much last night and this morning. Like I'm afraid I didn't love her enough or something. I'll be working on Patricia's memory book later so I know I'll cry, and I'll probably feel relieved.

fluttergirlmoonchild79

You'll reach a point where you simply feel you have no tears left to cry.  They'll come back.  Not crying doesn't mean you love your Patricia any less.  You know you love her and she knows you do too.  As much as it feels like you could at first, you simply can't cry 24 hours a day for the rest of your life.  For me, I didn't give myself permission, my Corbin did.  One day he told me he wanted me to smile because I "look so bootiful when you smile."  They don't want us to hurt or to be sad.  It doesn't mean we won't be but it's nice to know they want us to be happy and to smile.

Chels1222

I felt so guilty the first time I laughed.  I felt like maybe I was betraying Taylor or something.  I had a friend who had gone through a similar loss who I called up and she gave me the best advice that you just have to be yourself and be true to your feelings.  Sometimes you will cry and sometime you will laugh.  Right now it hurts because it is so recent but one day you will look back and only remember the positive things that your baby brought you.  That because of your child you are a stronger person, your child made you who you are now.  Patricia will always be with you, always in your memory, and always loved by you.  On your good days she will be smiling down on you and on your bad days she will be holding your heart together.  Just be honest with your feelings and someday you will start having more good days then bad.

Petunia844

This is a hard step.   I gave myself permission because I knew that my son didn't mean to ruin my life, he didn't ruin my life.  I know I wouldn't want my birth to have taken the sparkle from my mother's eye and I couldn't put that burden on my son.  So I make it my goal to live, to really live, for both of us.  Some days its more attainable than others.  You just have to be gentle with yourself, there is no "normal" way to grieve.

ally2011

Sweetie you are very early on....and there is no right way.  I remember thinking at Grace's funeral that something was wrong with me because I didn't cry like I thought I should.  And then there were days when I thought I would never recover.  You will feel a range of emotions and it is all just part of the process.  I encourage you to read a book on grief - Good Grief by Westburg is excellent - that will help you see how your feelings are part of the journey that is grief.

Don't overanalyze how you feel too much....just feel it...there is no right or wrong answer.  Be kind to yourself, don't feel pressure to do things you don't want to do right now, rest and let others care for you.

Hugs,

Jenn 

lrichmond86

It's so soon after your loss, there's no right or wrong to how you feel right now.  Personally I've gotten to the point where I realize that the healthiest thing for me to do for myself is to embrace the sadness when it's here, but also to embrace the happiness when it comes, which luckily is more and more often.  It's okay to laugh when you think something is funny, or to enjoy spending time with your SO, or even just do something for yourself.  The way I see it, we've been through what is possibly the worst kind of pain there is.  We deserve to feel good every now and then.  Don't beat yourself up over it.  Just do what feels right.