My Family is being unreasonable!

mhaas28

I am sorry to vent to everyone, again! I swear I do more then just complain

Since last summer my BF's parents have had a trip planned to go to Myrtle Beach in May. I have been telling my mom about this since Liam was about a month old. So it is not new news. Now, the dates have been changing since November, but the official ones were decided in January. We will be in Myrtle from May 6th to the 13th. I told my mom this several times.

Well my grandmother turns 90 in May and my mom called me yesterday to ask when I would be in Myrtle. I gave her the dates for the millionth time. She then tells me that everyone is coming down for a surprise visit and birthday dinner for my grandma on the 12th. Well, I already have plans. Now my mom is pissed I can't go to the dinner. She is sitting there guilt tripping me. I am pissed that she is doing this and think it is completely unfair. My father's sisters made sure it as a good time for their families to get together, but never bothered to ask if it was a good time for anyone else. 

I just found out about this yesterday when my aunt posted on my wall asking if we were coming to the birthday dinner (my internet was not working at the time so I found out from BF). This prompted my BF's mother to call him freaking out asking if I was still going to Myrtle Beach. My mom thinks it is stupid that I can't leave a day early. I don't want to leave early and piss off my BF's family (this has been planned for a while now). I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I am just really pissed about the situation I have been put in and no one is being understanding. They all expect me to drop everything and do what they want me to do. Maybe I will just go on my own vacation that week.

Any advice? WHat would you ladies do in this situation? 

kje120

I agree with everything Scout said.  Make the decision with your BF, inform all parties of the decision and say it's the end of discussion.  

mhaas28

Thanks for the advice ladies. We are going to talk about it tonight. I was a little to pissed off last night to talk about it. My decision would have ended up being something along the lines of Liam and I taking our own vacation. Another decision last night would have been daddy gets Liam and can go on vacation while mommy goes to a spa for a week to unwind. I am liking this last option a lot now that I think about it

BJKL

Go on your vacation and tell your mom that it was already planned and you are sorry to miss the party.

We went on a family vacation when my older DS was just over a year old and to this day, I cherish every minute of that vacation.  They grow up so fast and you never get that time back.

campbaby76

Ahhh I would take the vacation and tell Mom that it has been planned for to long to change now.  BUT I would make sure to go and visit Grandma with your LO.  It might even be more special becuase it won't be so chaotic.

 

nettie27

Scout2005:

I'd stay on my vacation personally. The dates were well known, and it's on them for not being mindful of them.

At the same time, I think people on both sides need to calm down. Your BF's mother had no reason to freak, she could have just called you to see what's up and maybe tried to flex plans a bit to make this work (there is certainly plenty of time to do so.) And your family needs to take a breath as well. 

Personally? I'd decide w/ your BF what you want to do, inform all parties, and not entertain the conversation beyond that. If people offer guilt, reply with "well, this is why I let you know the dates so long ago. I'm sorry you weren't mindful of them." And then walk away from the conversation. You can only fight - and be guilted - in conversations you choose to stay in. 

I agree to absolutely everything!  

Kmhsswim

Scout2005:

I'd stay on my vacation personally. The dates were well known, and it's on them for not being mindful of them.

At the same time, I think people on both sides need to calm down. Your BF's mother had no reason to freak, she could have just called you to see what's up and maybe tried to flex plans a bit to make this work (there is certainly plenty of time to do so.) And your family needs to take a breath as well. 

Personally? I'd decide w/ your BF what you want to do, inform all parties, and not entertain the conversation beyond that. If people offer guilt, reply with "well, this is why I let you know the dates so long ago. I'm sorry you weren't mindful of them." And then walk away from the conversation. You can only fight - and be guilted - in conversations you choose to stay in. 

This 

Twirple

I agree with PP.  I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago.  My BIL was getting married and I was in the wedding party.  A month before the wedding, my Grandfather scheduled my Grandmother's memorial service for the same day (she had passed away several months earlier.)  I was forced to decide between wedding and funeral.  I had already committed to the wedding, so I missed the memorial service and the family reunion that went along with it, since they were in different states.  I was disappointed, but, it is what it is.

As for the guilt...try not to let it get to you.  You planned your vacation in advance, it's not your fault if your family couldn't schedule around it.