*Ticker warning* What should I do? (loss of boss's child)

westcoastchick42

I work at a small retail business. My boss was high-risk during her pregnancy and after a horrible weekend of medical complications, ended up delivering her stillborn daughter yesterday morning at 23 weeks and 5 days gestation. I can't even begin to imagine what she is currently going through and want to be there for her as much as possible, but I'm currently 10 weeks pregnant myself. I'm worried about the work environment once she comes back to work. Are there any suggestions on how to handle this difficult transition?

JessicaRobb

My coworker is currently pregnant and although I am happy for her it is hard to listen to her pregnancy symptoms and hear about her dr appointments. Even though you may want to, I would avoid talking about your own pregnancy.

Also, send her a letter or card with your condolences. Keep it simple and heartfelt. It's okay to tell her that this situation is terrible and don't feel like you have to balance it out by saying things like "it's all in the plan" "everything happens for a reason" or "you can have another." those things hurt me more than they helped. 

lrichmond86

I agree entirely with PP.  While I'm happy for all of my pregnant friends, it's hard to hear about all of the wonderful (or in some cases not so wonderful) things about their pregnancies.  It's especially hard to hear people complaining about morning sickness or aches and pains, etc. because I would give anything to have that all back.  Just be conscious of what you're saying. 

Also, I don't think there's anything wrong with asking her how she would like you to interact with her once she returns to work.  I had a coworker do this for me and I really appreciated it.  She basically just asked if I needed time away from her and if I wanted to put our social relationship on hold.  This way I was able to accurately tell her what it was that I needed from her.  

 I'm so sorry for your boss' loss.  It's a terrible thing to have to go through.  Keeping her in my T&P.

Carolee

I put a ticker warning in your post title.  I'm so sorry for your boss's loss.  I would definitely send a card.  It might be awkward because of your pregnancy - it was VERY difficult for me to be around pregnant women and babies right after my loss.  Don't take it personally if it seems like she needs some space.  Just letting her know that you're there for her is huge.

weddedwife

Definitely send a card and acknowledge her loss. I also have pg friends who I have had to distance myself from, I feel bad but I just can't handle it right now. Talk to her about this when she returns to work and let her tell you what works best for her in terms of your relationship & interaction at work. If she's unsure what's best, at the very least DON'T talk about (or worse complain about) your pregnancy to her, or even within earshot.

MandynStephen

Definitely reach out to her.  Don't avoid her and do talk with her about it and let her know you understand how difficult it will be to be around you while you are pregnant.  And whatever you do, Don't Whine about your pregnancy around her.   

pandabearlover

Everything everyone else said. Definitely contact her and ask her what she wants.I was so hurt when people didn't want to tell me they were pregnant or avoided me because they were pregnant.  She's already missed out on so much-don't avoid her and let her miss out on a relationship with you and your baby.  It may be hard for her for a long time and she may not want to hold your baby, but I know she doesn't want to be isolated and not told things.  

You are a great person.