C/S affect family planning?

cottonlily84

DH wants another baby, not necessarily right now but wants one sooner than I'd expected.  I am still trying to manage work and baby #1 so while I might be ready to be pregnant again I'm definitely not ready for 2 kids right now.  But anytime the baby making thing is brought up I can't help but have this nagging c/s worry in the back of my mind and I wanna break out in a cold sweat.  DH thinks it's crazy that I wouldn't want more children just because of how they're born but I'm really really not comfortable with another c/s.  As much as I love DD if you had told me before she was in the picture I'd certainly have a c/s I know I wouldn't have gotten pregnant.  You think something like this would ease up or go away the farther out I am or is it normal to consider another c/s in your planning of siblings?  I know in the grand scheme of things it's just one thing and I shouldn't make such a big deal of it.  I just can't imagine going though that again and not being able to properly care for two children this time around.   

GypsyEsq

Are you a VBAC candidate? After my DD was born I consulted with a different OB and my surgical records to see if I was. That helped me decide whether to go forward with TTC #2. 

Daisy22

Just wondering, why are you so uncomfortable with your c/s or having another one? Did you have a bad recovery? Did you labor then have a c/s? For me personally, I have had easy recoveries from both my c/s and with dS2 it was extremely easy since it was planned. DS1 and DS2 are 15 months apart and I was on my own by 1 1/2wks after my c/s. I was pretty much doing everything normal by the time ds2 was 2wks old.

You could always talk to your OB about a vbac if you really really odn't want a c/s and see if you are a good candiate. My OB has "rules" so to speak about vbac through. The office will not induce you so you have to go into labor by 41wks nad they like there to be at least 12months between pregnancies.

RayRay007

Well, it did in the sense that I want them minimum 18 months apart because I want to VBAC. But I'm not going to not have another just because it may end up in a c/s. If there were other factors (like, I was on the fence about a second, for some reason c/s was really high risk for me...) then it may have swayed my decision.

UsuallyLurking

Daisy22:

Just wondering, why are you so uncomfortable with your c/s or having another one? Did you have a bad recovery? Did you labor then have a c/s?

I'm wondering this, too. 

nikki_rob_weddingplans

I'm the opposite, I have actually been looking forward to my RCS someday. I know I am weird!  

I loved the time in the hospital as the needs of everyday life haven't hit yet (housework, etc.), you get all your needs met by the nurses, and no one expects much from you since you just went through major surgery.  You can just focus on the baby.  Also, DH did everything around the house for me for the first few weeks so I have to admit I kind of enjoyed being pampered.  Of course, there was pain and it was hard not having a normal body for several weeks so I understand your concerns too.  I am a FTM so I know I can't even imagine what it will be like the 2nd time with a toddler to care for too, but I'm trying not to worry about the unknown (trying).

My point is...maybe think of one or two things you actually enjoyed about your first time and every time you worry, think of those things.  Maybe it will help you open up to the idea of another baby someday soon.  But, of course, don't let DH pressure you, it should be when you are both ready.  GL!

JG362009

I can completely relate for this -- I hated absolutely everything about my c-section and for a long time it made me really bitter and angry. But, I knew I wanted another baby and sooner was better than later, so I got pregnant again.  I really want a VBAC, but I'm in a different place right now so although I will be super, super disappointed if I have another c-section, I won't be angry again

kcisthebombdotcom

A c-section did not affect our family planning. We went for the exact plan we had before we had kids. Naturally I was fearful of going through surgery again/recovery with another child to care for, but it all worked out fine AND I had a lousy recovery with #2. If I had as easy a recovery as the first time it would have went even better.

cottonlily84

I didn't have any illness or anything like that but I wouldn't say my recovery was easy.  My incision opened back up a bit and looks worse now.  I hurt for weeks and needed help just getting out of bed.  DH still had to help me walk to the bathroom when they discharged me.  Picking DD up from the bassinet wasn't even possible. I had made all my preparations for a natural birth and just really really didn't want a c/s.  I vowed I wouldn't have one, and well look at me now.  And I try to tell myself I know it was the safest way because she was a preemie and footling breech but I still hate it and think if I could have done just one thing different things might have gone better. 

I'm just irritated now that DH is happy about planning #2 and I'm nothing but anxious about a c/s, again.  Just like with DD - everyone else was so happy when she was born and I was just lying in bed in pain on meds having to depend on everyone else to care for her.  I would love to VBAC but just as DD didn't turn and didn't make it to term I know that's just not my luck.  I'd wind up with a RCS.  There's nothing about that ordeal that I liked or would want to repeat. I wish I could just get over it like everyone else seems to.

jb2rn

I totally understand.

My pregnancy was awesome and pretty easy. My labor and delivery were awful. So I am scared to get pregnant for fear of repeating it all. I am a VBAC candidiate and would want a vaginal birth, but going through all of it again, oh dear.

I am almost 36 and am "sub fertile" I guess you could say, so we can't wait the 2-3 years to TTC again like I would prefer. Still, just thinking about TTC when ds turns one or so makes me feel sick. I am not sure we even want another one, but I know we don't have the luxury of time.

I wish I had some helpful advice, I don't, I just wanted to offer some support. It's great your dh clearly loves being a Dad and wants more children, but hopefully he will understand you need more time to process your birth experience and that you just aren't there yet.

cottonlily84

jb2rn:

I totally understand.

My pregnancy was awesome and pretty easy. My labor and delivery were awful. So I am scared to get pregnant for fear of repeating it all. I am a VBAC candidiate and would want a vaginal birth, but going through all of it again, oh dear.

I am almost 36 and am "sub fertile" I guess you could say, so we can't wait the 2-3 years to TTC again like I would prefer. Still, just thinking about TTC when ds turns one or so makes me feel sick. I am not sure we even want another one, but I know we don't have the luxury of time.

I wish I had some helpful advice, I don't, I just wanted to offer some support. It's great your dh clearly loves being a Dad and wants more children, but hopefully he will understand you need more time to process your birth experience and that you just aren't there yet.

Thanks so much.  Hearing similar feelings does help.  We also don't have time on our side because we tried for DD for over 8 years.  I totally understand that ill feeling when you think of being pregnant again. 

magdalina.h

The c/s didn't have an affect on family planning, losing my first did. I can only have rcs after having my first at 28w4d and the only planning that we had to do was wait until my OB said we could try again. I don't "get" the disappointment of having a c/s if the child is healthy. I don't judge it, but I don't get it. It's not something that I have to get though. :-)

GypsyEsq

It's a tough thing, when you're unhappy about your birth experience it really does color how you feel about future pregnancies.  I've been there.  It's something you can't wish away and maybe talking to someone about it would help.  Maybe your OB, if they are supportive, maybe your husband if you can get him to listen to why you're concerned, maybe a good friend, or maybe an ICAN meeting.  Ultimately you do have to weigh whether your fears about another c-section weigh more heavily on you than having an only child.  I can say that for me at least, eventually, I got to a place where even though I knew I was a VBAC candidate, and hope that I will have a successful VBAC this time, if I don't, it will be ok.  Having the knowledge that comes with having had one c-section, particularly one that I did not like and did not recover easily from, helps...as strange as that sounds. Best of luck!