whining vent (work & ttcal related)

dandywarhol

sigh.  I didn't know who to talk to so I thought I'd put it all down here as it is semi-related to my loss and coping. 

1. I am stressed beyond stressed and it is just going to get worse in the next few weeks.  I am the asst. director of a city department and heading up a number of major projects, including one that involves getting yelled at by community and council members, while supervising a staff of 4.  Two weeks ago my boss told me that he is going to resign in the next few weeks and I'll be promoted to "acting director" until they find a replacement, which in all likelihood won't be for a year or two for political reasons.  So this change is looming over me and I don't feel prepared yet I am the best candidate for the job.  The pay increase will be nice but it also will involve a lot more over time/night meetings.  Good for the career, bad for the home life and right now the home life is much more important.

2. I hurt my knee running on Sunday.  Running has been one of the few positive things in my life since the loss of my daughter.  It has given me a physical outlet for the stress and grief and allowed me something positive to focus on.  With an injured knee it means no running for at least a week, probably 2.  I'm also scheduled to participate in a relay race in about 3 weeks.  Not running for two weeks will really affect my training for this race.  I should just bow out but I really want to do this race and don't want to let my friends down.  Plus not being able to run means no good physical outlet to reduce the stress from work.

I just feel so overwhelmed.  I don't know what to do.  I serve on the board of directors for the library, the board of directors for the local children's museum, on the board of directors for the local dog park, plus teach a weekly pilates class.  I can't give up the boards because they are pretty much all work related.  I don't want to give up teaching the pilates class because I spent ~$500 on the training and need a certain number of hours before I can get certified. 

There aren't enough hours in the day to do all this plus do what I want to do most, be at home with my husband and pets.  My one kitty is special needs and needs a certain amount of attention daily.  She is one of the most important things to me so I feel like I'm hurting her when I'm not home.  Arrrgh.

All this stress and pressure can not be helping the TTCAL journey and the fact that we haven't gotten our BFP isn't helping with the stress levels either.  

I know I need to give up somethings but it feels like the only things I can possibly give up are the things I need to do to reduce stress - exercise and spend time at home.  

I am thankful that I have a job and that they think I'm capable.  But I need to find some way to deal with the stress.

 /whine

Cookies for anyone who made it this far. 

littlepenguin2012

Super big hugs to you- it sounds very stressful.

 I hope your knee is feeling better soon!  I completely understand what you are saying about needing an outlet.

Maybe once you are promoted, you can ask someone else to take over some of the boards since your job responsibilities will increase? 

cherrycobbler

Wow, sorry to hear about all of that.  You are one busy lady.  I honestly don't have any advice for you.  You are a better woman than me for taking on all of that.  I can't even seem to find the motivation to paint our bathroom or clean off our dining table that we never use (and I know I could do both of those things in one afternoon).  I hope that your knee gets better super fast and you are able to run your relay (without more injury), and that you are able to find some happy balance in your work situation that will ease some of your stress.  Lots of ((hugs)) for you (and little kisses for your special kitty).

dandywarhol

Thanks, ladies, esp. for the kitty kisses.  

 

Cherry, adding to the stress is the lack of time to clean the house or energy to do any of the projects we need to or would like to do.  DH does a lot but has male blindness when it comes to certain areas of the house and has trouble completing a job.  He hung a new shower curtain rod and curtain but there has been a drill bit and screw sitting on our kitchen counter for over a week now.   >:|

Carolee

I'm sorry you're dealing with so much right now.  Sending (((HUGS))) your way.

weddedwife

I'm sorry you feel this way. I too feel very overextended most of the time. I work full time (nights) and stay home during the day w/ DD which means at most 6.5 hours of sleep per night. (Much less when I decide to bump after work!!) I also belong to a moms group & take DD to dance classes & playdates during the week. I try to exercise at least 5 days a week but sometimes I don't have time. Add that to all the usual duties (laundry, cooking, cleaning) and it seems we never get any projects done. We have a bedroom that is basically out of commission since Nov. due to a leak. Yeah, it just sits there cause there's no time.

I am honestly begging for the time when I am pg and forced to slow down, because then I feel it will be acceptable.