Facebook

jbranden12

So we finally put something on Facebook last night. Though we had already emailed close family and friends last week when we first found out, we decided to post something that would minimize the chances of more pain later on if people asked. After we posted, I didn't get online until just before bed. For some reason reading all of the posts made me feel worse. People said nice things of course, even people I haven't seen or spoken to since high school. I don't know what was so hard about it, whether it made it feel more real and final, or whether it was because the same people who commented on my post would then post a status update about something awesome that happened or, in one case, an ultrasound! I felt a little better reading them this morning, though, and I believe it was the right thing to do.I know that no one is as affected as me or my husband, and I understand that life must and will go on. But it still hurts. Reading all of your posts has helped me and made me feel relieved, because I know I won't and don't have to process this right away, even if others do.

fluttergirlmoonchild79

Big hugs to you.  My DH and I also posted something after everything happened with us.  Sometimes it's hard to read and sometimes it helps.  I still have many days even 4 months out where something won't bother me one day and then the next day it will or vice versa. I've chalked it up to it's just one of those "things" we now have to deal with.  We all have a long and difficult road ahead of us but we all have each other to keep us going.  Thinking of you today and always.

foxxy1

That was very brave of you and DH. We posted something re Ethan immediately after it happened and we were flooded with comments. Because we lost him during the holiday season, we also didn't post that much on Facebook (I still haven't really).

Take your time and grieve. There are times even now, almost 4 months out, where I still have to sit down and process what happened because it's just surreal to me. It might feel like at times everyone doesn't care how much pain you're in because they're going on with their lives. And despite how much support you get, you still might feel alone, angry, and resentful. Those are all natural feelings and don't feel guilty for feeling that way. Maybe take a break from Facebook for a short while until you feel ready to get back on it.

You're going through postpartum depression on top of grieving your sweet baby so you're hit with a double whammy. But don't force yourself to do anything that's outside of your comfort level. The first few weeks are the hardest but once you get past that, it does become more manageable. There'll still be triggers and you might be uncomfortable being around and/or seeing pregnant women and babies for a while. If you get out of bed, that's considered a good day.

Don't feel guilty for smiling or laughing. If something is funny, it's okay to laugh at it. If something makes you smile, go ahead! It's okay to enjoy a TV show or movie or even muster the strength to go out to eat. Smiling and laughing doesn't make you any less of a grieving parent.

I'll keep you and DH in my thoughts and prayers.

*****HUGS****

dandywarhol

We posted about Sylvie soon after our loss.  I was touched by the outpouring of support but like you I was shocked how someone would post a note of sympathy and then proceed to b!tch about something trivial in the next breath.  I wanted to post back, "really? the fact that Glee isn't on is really the worst thing in your life right now?  My baby just DIED!" But I realized that people are just so wrapped up in their own lives that they don't think these things through.  It didn't lessen the sting but just made me realize that people view our losses differently.

 {{hugs}}

weddedwife

dandywarhol:

We posted about Sylvie soon after our loss.  I was touched by the outpouring of support but like you I was shocked how someone would post a note of sympathy and then proceed to b!tch about something trivial in the next breath.  I wanted to post back, "really? the fact that Glee isn't on is really the worst thing in your life right now?  My baby just DIED!" But I realized that people are just so wrapped up in their own lives that they don't think these things through.  It didn't lessen the sting but just made me realize that people view our losses differently.

 {{hugs}}

This, totally. I felt like we had to post something because we had announced on fb. I'm really not active on there at all anymore. It still seems "wrong" for me to post about trivial things- it's almost like I don't want others making the assumption that I'm by any means "okay".