I need help

iheartnjdevils

I always told myself I would quit smoking the day I found out I was pregnant. I spoke to my Dr. when I first found out and he advised me to cut down and then try to quit. I've done neither. Everytime I'm smoking and John Jr. kicks, I pretty much cry. My DF also smokes which doesn't make this any easier. I've quit before (once for 15 months!) but I don't know why I am having so much trouble. I'm starting to finally show now and am getting more self conscience about even buying cigarettes but that shouldn't even be the reason to quit. I should quit for myself and for my son but other than the guilt, I have no desire to and am just terrified of trying.

I'm expecting some flames, that's okay. Hopefully, I can get some advice for other woman who smoked before pregnancy or quit during pregnancy too. Or maybe someone else is in the same boat.

I'm almost in my 3rd tri and I really wanted to be done by then (actually, first it was my second tri but the addict in me reset my goal).

 Please help

dani2480

I seem to recall that you posted this on here at least once before, a few weeks ago I believe. You got a lot of helpful responses then. I would suggest you go back and re-read those.

Unfortunately, I don't think posting on a message board is going to help you at all, if doing it before didn't help. Only YOU can make the decision to help yourself and your baby. Either take responsibility for your actions and quit, or don't and deal with whatever consequences occur as a result.

 

merri25

I smoked before I got pregnant and the second I found out I have not had one or even wanted one. 

You just have to be a strong mom that you are going to be when the baby is growing up and do the right thing.  Also- your fiancee should be supportive and stop smoking around you or in your house (not sure if you do).  At this point the baby's lungs are developing more and he/she is putting on fat.  I think you should google some pictures of a baby from a smoking mom to a non smoking mom.  Don't you want a cute little chubby baby? Or, a underweight one? Once you get pregnant, it is not really about you anymore, but about the baby.

 The advice I would give you is to JUST STOP SMOKING.  You can do it.

jessicap70486

I'm trying to figure out a way to send you a personal message on here but can't figure it out....

RTaylor12

If you get a few flames, just know that they're most likely from people who have no understanding of how difficult quitting is. Nicotine addiction is an effing nightmare, and I know how you feel. I was a pack-a-day smoker. I quit about a week after I got the BFP. This baby came up on us a lot quicker than we expected and I thought I had all the time in the world. I was wrong.

The thing you've got to understand about nicotine addiction is this: You don't enjoy smoking. You are under the illusion that you enjoy it because of the relief it gives you to feed the little nicotine monster in your brain. You wouldn't need that relief or see it as pleasurable if you weren't addicted to the nicotine. Every cig you smoke creates the need for the next one. This is what I told myself several times an hour in the weeks following my quit date. It helped me get through.

I understand the guilt you feel. I had every intention of walking out into our garage after I saw the BFP, lighting up for the last time to say goodbye, and that would be that. It didn't end up that way. I took about a week of cutting down by half before I was able to put out the true last one. That entire week I hated myself. I can't imagine going through that for months on end. Here's the thing, you can quit and move on. Trust me, I LOVED smoking. Or at least I thought I did. If I can do it, so can you. I promise.

Please, please please read this book:

https://www.amazon.com/Easy-Women-Stop-Smoking-Revolutionary/dp/1402765509/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1333468478&sr=8-1

This is not a plug, it changed my life. Seriously. If you don't want to buy it, I swear to god I will send you my copy. Hugs to you in the meantime. Know that despite how much you love your baby (and I know you do), nicotine addiction is a biitch. It grabs hold and it doesn't let go just because you get pregnant.

 

mandalinn25

I am sorry I just can't feel any sympathy. I hope you will quit for your child, they don't need to be exposed to that in the womb or out. 

mandalinn25

Oh and I fully understand addiction. But that is something that should've been taken care of before you got pregnant. I admit to being very biased because I still suffer the effects of my moms smoking habits and always will. Not to mention it taking me five years and tens of thousands of dollars to get pregnant. I just couldn't do anything purposely to harm my unborn child. 

masurwedding

I can relate in the way that I did smoke before I got pregnant-planned to quit a year before getting pregnant but got pregnant earlier than expected.

I have not smoked at all since finding out I was pregnant.  Yes-it was really really hard, and yes I admit I was tempted, especially before my husband quit too.  I always thought about my baby breathing that in and that stopped me.

Every time you have a smoke you are putting your wants before your babies needs.  I couldn't bare to be that selfish.  Call it harsh but I think it's a lot less harsh than putting your unborn child threw what you're doing right now.

My friends mom smoked during pregnancy and she came out underweight and green-yes, green.  Doctors said it was 100% due to the fact that her mom smoked.

 What will you do when you have the baby?  Smoke in the house?  Leave the baby alone while you go smoke?  Hold and feed the baby after you smoke?

No one can help you--bottom line is that you have to decide what's more important---your WANT to smoke or your unborn son's RIGHT and NEED to be heathy now and when he's here.

 My final advise is to youtube or google the ultrasound when the mom is smoking and the child struggles for clean air.  If that doesn't make you quit then...well I'll leave it at that. 

RTaylor12

merri25:

I smoked before I got pregnant and the second I found out I have not had one or even wanted one. 

You just have to be a strong mom that you are going to be when the baby is growing up and do the right thing.  Also- your fiancee should be supportive and stop smoking around you or in your house (not sure if you do).  At this point the baby's lungs are developing more and he/she is putting on fat.  I think you should google some pictures of a baby from a smoking mom to a non smoking mom.  Don't you want a cute little chubby baby? Or, a underweight one? Once you get pregnant, it is not really about you anymore, but about the baby.

 The advice I would give you is to JUST STOP SMOKING.  You can do it.

Good for you for being able to quit the second you found out. For others it may not be so easy. Quitting smoking has nothing to do with willpower, otherwise it would be easy to quit. The OP has enormous willpower to quit, it's clear that she really WANTS to. If it were as easy as wanting to quit, no one would ever have a problem doing just that.

As far as the possibility of a low birth weight baby, I'm sure the OP already knows this. I'm sure she realizes as well that it's not "all about her" or she wouldn't feel as guilty as she does. Please understand that nicotine addiction is different for everyone. Some may never have the desire to smoke again once they find out they're pregnant. Others have a really rough time.

KrazyKat35

I am 23 weeks pregnant and i was doing so well at quieting until everyone started telling me well you need to stop smoking by this date, you have this long to stop smoking, ect... it made it even harder to quiet. I am to the point that i have just stopped trying. Hubby smokes as well so quieting is even harder but it is amazing how once someone startes telling you and giving you dates to stop you cant anymore and you smoke more. Now on that note alot of women will say that it will effect the baby and that maybe true. But i smoked with DS one and he is one of the most healthy and smart babies in my family right now. He was born at 7lb, 20inches long, and was a healthy baby when he was born. The only problems i had with him when he was a newborn after brith was his issue with gaining weight but that had nothing to do with my smoking, it had everything to do with my milk. (long story). My grandma also smoked when she was pregnant with both my mom and my son. Healthy babies!  But my sister who is 16 weeks pregnant stopped cold turkey the day she found out she was pregnant. PLEASE dont quiet cold turkey so far in your pregnancy. My OB said it was WORSE for baby then trying to quiet when you are pregnant.

If you are goin to quiet then you need to make the steps maybe ask DH if he will try to quiet with you. Quiet for pregnancy if that is what you choose just please dont cut cold turkey. But i think that this has to be somethin that comes from your heart. If you dont quiet then do everything in your power to make up for smoking, drinking more water, eat health food, walk as much as you can, ect.

I know it is long but maybe it helped a lil. Good Luck.

iheartnjdevils

dani2480:

I seem to recall that you posted this on here at least once before, a few weeks ago I believe. You got a lot of helpful responses then. I would suggest you go back and re-read those.

Unfortunately, I don't think posting on a message board is going to help you at all, if doing it before didn't help. Only YOU can make the decision to help yourself and your baby. Either take responsibility for your actions and quit, or don't and deal with whatever consequences occur as a result.

 

 

I only posted that on the flame free thread, when I had last checked, no one had said anything. So it may have been someone else.

For those that understand nicotine addiction, I thank you for your replies. I think seeing it CAN be done gives me more hope that I can do it too. I come from a family with major addiction issues (mother is an ex-crack adict, current alcoholic and my father is an alcoholic, both smoke, Dad has COPD). I'm not using them as an excuse because I know it's the addict in me saying, "you could be worse off".

For those that don't understand it, I still appreciate your advice, whether it was harsh or not.

iheartnjdevils

SunshineLady6:

I would suggest having an honest heart to heart with yourself and your doctor. I'll save my flames - because it's clear you know what you're doing is wrong and awful for your baby. I found these links for you:

https://www.babycenter.com/0_quitting-smoking-during-pregnancy-how-to-handle-cigarette-cr_1405546.bc

https://www.babycenter.com/0_quitting-smoking-during-pregnancy-five-keys-to-success_1405724.bc

https://www.babycenter.com/0_quitting-smoking-during-pregnancy-helpful-web-sites_1405534.bc

https://www.babycenter.com/0_quitting-smoking-during-pregnancy-compare-your-options_1406034.bc

 

 

 

This is the hardest part... my Dr. said research shows if you smoke less than 10 cigarettes a day, the risks are almost none. He doesn't seem to be concerned at all about my smoking. Unfortunately, I am a full time smoker or I'm not.

iheartnjdevils

RTaylor12:

merri25:

I smoked before I got pregnant and the second I found out I have not had one or even wanted one. 

You just have to be a strong mom that you are going to be when the baby is growing up and do the right thing.  Also- your fiancee should be supportive and stop smoking around you or in your house (not sure if you do).  At this point the baby's lungs are developing more and he/she is putting on fat.  I think you should google some pictures of a baby from a smoking mom to a non smoking mom.  Don't you want a cute little chubby baby? Or, a underweight one? Once you get pregnant, it is not really about you anymore, but about the baby.

 The advice I would give you is to JUST STOP SMOKING.  You can do it.

Good for you for being able to quit the second you found out. For others it may not be so easy. Quitting smoking has nothing to do with willpower, otherwise it would be easy to quit. The OP has enormous willpower to quit, it's clear that she really WANTS to. If it were as easy as wanting to quit, no one would ever have a problem doing just that.

As far as the possibility of a low birth weight baby, I'm sure the OP already knows this. I'm sure she realizes as well that it's not "all about her" or she wouldn't feel as guilty as she does. Please understand that nicotine addiction is different for everyone. Some may never have the desire to smoke again once they find out they're pregnant. Others have a really rough time.

 

I really appreciate you saying this.

bluemommy

1. If you smoke in the car, find an alternative route to your destination. This will 'trick' your mind.

2. If you like the feeling of a cig in your hand then replace it with something else-constantly! Ex. a paper clip, a stress ball, lollipop, pen etc.

3. AVOID places where smokers go or where they'll be smoking(this includes fiance)

4. Get some support(family, online, friends, other smokers who have successfully quit)

5. Stay HYDRATED-this will help with any neg side effects and cravings!

6. Start a new morning ritual. If you normally get and smoke, then get up and take a walk instead!

7. Expect to feel crappy the first day but have a plan!!!

8. Lastly, GET STARTED TODAY!!!

Wishing you luck!

 

merri25

iheartnjdevils:

RTaylor12:

merri25:

I smoked before I got pregnant and the second I found out I have not had one or even wanted one. 

You just have to be a strong mom that you are going to be when the baby is growing up and do the right thing.  Also- your fiancee should be supportive and stop smoking around you or in your house (not sure if you do).  At this point the baby's lungs are developing more and he/she is putting on fat.  I think you should google some pictures of a baby from a smoking mom to a non smoking mom.  Don't you want a cute little chubby baby? Or, a underweight one? Once you get pregnant, it is not really about you anymore, but about the baby.

 The advice I would give you is to JUST STOP SMOKING.  You can do it.

Good for you for being able to quit the second you found out. For others it may not be so easy. Quitting smoking has nothing to do with willpower, otherwise it would be easy to quit. The OP has enormous willpower to quit, it's clear that she really WANTS to. If it were as easy as wanting to quit, no one would ever have a problem doing just that.

As far as the possibility of a low birth weight baby, I'm sure the OP already knows this. I'm sure she realizes as well that it's not "all about her" or she wouldn't feel as guilty as she does. Please understand that nicotine addiction is different for everyone. Some may never have the desire to smoke again once they find out they're pregnant. Others have a really rough time.

 

I really appreciate you saying this.

 

I'm not saying you are a bad person or anything like that, but I smoked for over 10 years, and yes, I really believe it was willpower that gave me the strength to stop.  If you don't think that you have enough willpower, there are many different support systems that you can use.  But, bottom line is, you can't use addiction in your family as an excuse.  If that was the case, we would all be lost causes!

I was just saying that was how I was able to stop smoking and I think that you or anyone can do it too.

RTaylor12

I hope I didn't offend anyone with my second post. I realize that saying smoking isn't about willpower sounds ridiculous. It's part of a bigger theory that is detailed in the book I linked (or tried to link) earlier. It's a lot to go into, so I'll spare you the details especially since it looks like many here have already found their own ways to quit. I hope though, that you look into it, iheartnjdevils.

I greatly admire those who were able to quit immediately after the BFP. I wasn't trying to be sarcastic. Just wanted to point out that for others, it's not as easy as "knowing what's right" and being done with smoking right off the bat. We all have different personalities, different hangups that can make these types of things easy or difficult.

dani2480

iheartnjdevils:

dani2480:

I seem to recall that you posted this on here at least once before, a few weeks ago I believe. You got a lot of helpful responses then. I would suggest you go back and re-read those.

Unfortunately, I don't think posting on a message board is going to help you at all, if doing it before didn't help. Only YOU can make the decision to help yourself and your baby. Either take responsibility for your actions and quit, or don't and deal with whatever consequences occur as a result.

 

 

I only posted that on the flame free thread, when I had last checked, no one had said anything. So it may have been someone else.

For those that understand nicotine addiction, I thank you for your replies. I think seeing it CAN be done gives me more hope that I can do it too. I come from a family with major addiction issues (mother is an ex-crack adict, current alcoholic and my father is an alcoholic, both smoke, Dad has COPD). I'm not using them as an excuse because I know it's the addict in me saying, "you could be worse off".

For those that don't understand it, I still appreciate your advice, whether it was harsh or not.

Okay, I'm sorry. I may be confusing you with someone else then. I know the story seemed really familiar, and I recall dedicated posts about this topic in recent weeks (perhaps from someone else?) where there were a lot of helpful answers given. 

I certainly don't mean to come across as cold. While I've never personally dealt with addiction issues, I've had a lot of addiction in my family -- some that people have managed to overcome, some that had devastating long term affects (including both my biological father, and my step-dad since I was 2). I know how much their addictions personally hurt and affected me, on very deep, traumatic levels, so it tends to bring up those feelings when I see others impacting their children with their addiction issues (even if it's just cigarettes -- my step-dad had a smoking problem, and both of my brothers ended up with severe asthma -- perhaps it wasn't caused by my step-dad's smoking, but I know his smoking caused them to have some very serious asthma attacks that resulted in hospitalization and years of monitoring and medicating). My step-dad ultimately ended up with even more serious addiction issues (to a particular drug, which started when I was an adult), and I watched it destroy my family, my parent's marriage, my relationship with my step-dad, and eventually led to my step-dad doing some horrendous things, culminating in his suicide. I remember him asking me for help at one point, earlier on in his addiction, and I tried with everything I could to help him. I wound up nearly having a mental breakdown from the weight and stress of it all, and fortunately sought help for myself and realized that I was co-dependent, and hurting myself as a result, and that nothing that I or anyone else could do would "fix" my step-dad until HE decided to make the change and actually did it. No amount of support, guidance, hand holding, doing some of the work for him, admonishing, guilt tripping, ultimatums, interventions, etc. would make any difference unless he allowed it to. Despite all of his cries about wanting to quit, he never actually made the effort required -- no matter how much others tried to help. I don't pretend to think that battling an addiction is easy by any stretch of the imagination. But I think that many addicts let the fact that it's "hard" be an excuse to continue the behavior and not even truly try. And I can't ever respect that, especially when there are children being hurt because of it.

I still stand by what I said though... at the end of the day, nobody else can help you but yourself. Make this choice because you want it, and then follow through. That's the only way you're going to get through this successfully.

Good luck.

luvlss1

I wasn't able to stop immediately, just cut down dramatically. It didn't get easier though until DH quit (he took Chantix). I was down to 2-3 a day & still hating myself but unable to completely stop. I think what finally did it to me was reading that babies exposed to cig smoke before & after birth have a higher incidence of SIDS. I haven't smoked since....not going to lie, the first couple days sucked & I still crave one now & then but can't imagine losing her to SIDS possibly because of my smoking. Good luck and don't try to quit cold turkey, your baby can actually have withdrawls. Changing the habits where you reach for them is the hardest part of all. Hope you're able to find something that works for you!

greencrow

KrazyKat35:

I am 23 weeks pregnant and i was doing so well at quieting until everyone started telling me well you need to stop smoking by this date, you have this long to stop smoking, ect... it made it even harder to quiet. I am to the point that i have just stopped trying. Hubby smokes as well so quieting is even harder but it is amazing how once someone startes telling you and giving you dates to stop you cant anymore and you smoke more. Now on that note alot of women will say that it will effect the baby and that maybe true. But i smoked with DS one and he is one of the most healthy and smart babies in my family right now. He was born at 7lb, 20inches long, and was a healthy baby when he was born. The only problems i had with him when he was a newborn after brith was his issue with gaining weight but that had nothing to do with my smoking, it had everything to do with my milk. (long story). My grandma also smoked when she was pregnant with both my mom and my son. Healthy babies!  But my sister who is 16 weeks pregnant stopped cold turkey the day she found out she was pregnant. PLEASE dont quiet cold turkey so far in your pregnancy. My OB said it was WORSE for baby then trying to quiet when you are pregnant.

If you are goin to quiet then you need to make the steps maybe ask DH if he will try to quiet with you. Quiet for pregnancy if that is what you choose just please dont cut cold turkey. But i think that this has to be somethin that comes from your heart. If you dont quiet then do everything in your power to make up for smoking, drinking more water, eat health food, walk as much as you can, ect.

I know it is long but maybe it helped a lil. Good Luck.

Bangs head against desk.

vintagefix

I've never personally smoked myself but my parents did and still do. My brother and I suffered a lot growing up because of their choices/habits/addictions. The fact that my parents knew they were doing something harmful to me and didn't protect me from it caused me pain and heartache that cannot be put into words. I was a child and knew I wasn't enough for them to protect me. It caused a part of me to die inside and my parents could never again regain that respect that I lost for them. My father is also an alcoholic so I am very familiar with diseases and addictions. It is possible to overcome an addicion. It still comes down to the fact that you get to wake up every morning and make your own choices for yourself and now you must make choices for an innocent life.

The only advice I can give is that you may want to try counseling. And I'm not necessarily talking about hypnosis or anything like that. I went through a period in my life where the more important something was, if it was difficult on any level, the more likely I was to put it off or shut down and detach myself from it. It prevented me from taking any action to resolve the problem itself. I only bring this up because you know what you are doing is wrong but you haven't even cut back. It's concerning especially because you know you have the abilitly to quit if even for a short time because you have done it before. It's just a thought anyway. You also might want to see a different OB. It might help you to have a professional really lay it on thick.

I will not flame you because you are asking for help. But you need to take action. Even if you are taking small steps. Actions speak louder than words. Good luck. I really hope you can do this for your little baby. He deserves it.

Friesz Baby

Once you are pregnant, it's no longer about you.

I am trying to be polite but finding it difficult.

Sounds like your good at excuses. Unfortunatly the actions you take today, you will not fully understand the outcome until it is too late. Get it together. Its 9 months not the rest of your life. Jesus at this point its only 3 months.   

sarahandeddiejune212008

This isn't meant to be a flame - but think about the fact that everytime you smoke you are depriving your child of oxygen.  You can be causing long term brain damage that will hinder his ability to learn.  You are also causing long term lung damage for both of you.  You and your s/o both need to quit.  Your baby doesn't need to breathe it in or out of the womb!

K8says

Quitting is brutal, but possible.

 

I have over two years cold turkey under my belt.

 

www.quitnet.com 

jlthompson19

Have you looked into the water vapor cigarettes? They sell them at all the gas stations. DH is a heavy smoker and smoked a friends "fake" cigarette pretty much all night Saturday while we were on a patio drinking (where he could smoke, and normally would have smoked a lot). We bought him one the next day. He thinks it'll help the physical/psychological part and they even sell some with nicotine to help wean you.

As for an adecdote, my friend smoked her entire pregnancy.  Her baby is 4 months old and 10lbs 8oz.  For reference, DD was nearly 12 lbs at her 5 WEEK appt. Now DD was in the 100th percentile, but still my friend's baby was born tiny and has failure to thrive still-probably mostly do to her smoking.  I feel sorry for that tiny little thing.

brennarobbie

You requested flame free, so I can't really respond. I luckily was able to quit cold turkey the day I got my BFP. Nothing I do is about me right now. It's all about my little man growing inside me. I am sending lots of prayers up that you can find the strength and have that mindset too. I know it's hard, but you just have to do it.

JAck5209

KrazyKat35:

I am 23 weeks pregnant and i was doing so well at quieting until everyone started telling me well you need to stop smoking by this date, you have this long to stop smoking, ect... it made it even harder to quiet. I am to the point that i have just stopped trying. Hubby smokes as well so quieting is even harder but it is amazing how once someone startes telling you and giving you dates to stop you cant anymore and you smoke more. Now on that note alot of women will say that it will effect the baby and that maybe true. But i smoked with DS one and he is one of the most healthy and smart babies in my family right now. He was born at 7lb, 20inches long, and was a healthy baby when he was born. The only problems i had with him when he was a newborn after brith was his issue with gaining weight but that had nothing to do with my smoking, it had everything to do with my milk. (long story). My grandma also smoked when she was pregnant with both my mom and my son. Healthy babies!  But my sister who is 16 weeks pregnant stopped cold turkey the day she found out she was pregnant. PLEASE dont quiet cold turkey so far in your pregnancy. My OB said it was WORSE for baby then trying to quiet when you are pregnant.

If you are goin to quiet then you need to make the steps maybe ask DH if he will try to quiet with you. Quiet for pregnancy if that is what you choose just please dont cut cold turkey. But i think that this has to be somethin that comes from your heart. If you dont quiet then do everything in your power to make up for smoking, drinking more water, eat health food, walk as much as you can, ect.

I know it is long but maybe it helped a lil. Good Luck.

This post makes me very angry for many reasons.  First, you should be thanking your lucky stars for having a healthy child rather than using it as an excuse to continue smoking through a second pregnancy.  I'm not generally a flamey person but as a FTM who spent over a year TTC this makes me feel red hot inside.  Second, QUIT not quiet.  

OP, make the decision to be healthy for your baby.  You will regret every cigarette if, god forbid, your child suffers because of your choice.  

Medic99

I was a pack a day smoker. I quit over 8 years ago cold turkey. If I can do it, you can too. I would suck on suckers, play with tooth picks, and I would spend a lot of time at the gym. Once my cardio got better and easier, it was like a new drug to me. I was addicted to working out and getting stronger. I know that intense cardio will not work for you during pregnancy, but you can find just about anything good to replace your addiction. My MIL smoked during her pregnancy with DH. He has severe asthma. I am going to be brutally honest here, I hate her for that. To see my husband have to go through this is so hard. The last time he had a severe asthma attack, they almost had to intubate him and hospitalize him. It makes it worse knowing she could have prevented it. So please do the right thing for your child. Give him/her a good fighting chance in this world. It is hard enough growing up without health issues. Be strong!