Vent (long sorry)

JRogerson

Ok so we just moved into a new apartment last Wednesday. A week before the move my MIL came up to take us out for lunch for my DH b-day. While we were out she asked us what we were doing for Easter. Me and DH never really did anything for Easter before because one of us usually had to work and we didn't have any little kids to make baskets for. So when we told her that DH had to work at that I was probably going to be unpacking or relaxing from the move she invites herself and the family to come over to our place. Not wanting to fight about it in front of her I told her we would have to talk it over and flashed DH a no way in hell look.

After she left I tried to talk to DH about it but he kept putting it off. With everything going on I wasn't in the mood to keep pushing the subject so we dropped it for a while. Then last Monday my family called to invite us over if we didn't have any other plans. I told them the same thing I told my MIL and of course they understood. Well I had the bright idea to bring it up to DH. I made it clear that I let them know we weren't going I just wanted to let him know what was going on. Well then because the subject was brought up he started talking about his mom, saying how she has been talking about coming over for a while now and he thought that was the plan, etc.

Now this isn't the first time she has invited herself over. There was a while where she was coming over every week or two and she lives and hour away so while she was over she decides she going to spend the night/weekend.  When we moved into our last place you had to go through the bedroom to get to the bathroom and because of her medication she goes 20 times a night. So I mentioned to her that now that I was pregnant that we weren't having over night guest because I woke up easily and I needed my sleep. So after that she kept going on and on about how I have and attitude problem and how I think the whole world revolves around me now that I am pregnant. She even went back on giving us DH's grandfather's car even through the rest of the family agreed that we should have it because of the baby. She wanted to give us her car instead and keep his grandfather's, which wouldn't be bad except even she calls her car a death trap. That's way she doesn't want it. So why would I trust having my child in it.

Anyways, back to the Easter thing (sorry for getting side tracked). I said that she just brought the subject up a couple of days ago, and how much work it would be to get the place ready on time and cook a meal for everyone. DH then informs that him and her having been talking about it for a while. It just so happens that he forgot to mention it to me until then. So after a long fight I some how got talked into inviting both families up for Easter and he said that he would help get the place ready in time. We'll see what he does but so far I have been on my on as far as the unpacking has gone, though he has been working up until now but so have I. He is off today so hopefully he starts helping, but he has plans to go out Wednesday night and he starts work again on Friday. I'm just wondering how I got myself into this.

PregNerd

I don't really have any advice, just a *hug* for you. Sounds like this is a tricky situation that is going to be stressful and a lot of work.

I hope that you and YH  are able to talk things through and deal with issues like this together in the future. Good luck!

Jessca77

Sorry she's been so pushy!  If I were you I would put my foot down anyway and say no way, even if they have already planned it out.  Especially if your husband isn't even going to be there!  He shouldn't be making plans for you and his family without even considering your opinion!  Not to mention all the stress they are putting you through with this. 

Josie22

I would be livid. If she wants the family together so bad, she should have them at her home. So sorry she's like that.

JessieCupcake

Wow your MIL sounds really pushy. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I would definitely come to an agreement with your H about making plans like this. It has to be discussed between the two of you first. Also I would make sure he helps get the apartment ready. Don't let him off the hook.

laurennkeith

No way Jose! I am so sorry this is what you are dealing with. My husband almost ALWAYS knows better than to make any plans with his family without running it by me, nevermind inviting them to come to OUR hours and let alone when he won't even be there! Oh man, one big hug coming your way.

Since she was so pushy, and you just moved, why not say "everyone needs to bring something as I am pregnant, my husband isn't here to help, and we just moved and haven't gotten the kitchen all unpacked ect" - then assign everyone a course to bring - that's a little less stress for you...

jen812

I like Lauren's idea. I was going to suggest meeting at a restaurant, but this could work too.

theseaword

I would let DH do all of the preparations since he made the unilateral decision to host. I would sit back and not do anything. I would also be having a come to jesus talk about why he didn't respect your right to be comfortable in your own home. As usual, this is a DH problem, not a MIL problem. If he had stood up to her and told her no the first time, you wouldn't be dealing with it now.

theseaword

Also, on the car piece- who did your (husband's, I presume) grandfather leave it to? If he left it to you, then it's yours and MIL has no claim to it. If he left it to MIL, then it's her car and she can keep it or give it away as she likes.  If she offers you her car and you don't want it, you are free decline and buy your own- she doesn't owe you a car.

tuki06

Not cool not cool at all. I mean really how creepy is it to have your MIL trapsing through your bedroom a million times a night to go to the bathroom and newsflash it's your house so you set the rules and if you don't want guests that's your right, it doesn't make you selfish, it makes you normal. I'd be pissed and would not be having anybody over. I think that is really stinky of your DH to do that to you especially so soon after the move and you being all pregnant and what not. I hope you get through it ok and with out too much drama and anxiety. HUGS!

JRogerson

Thank you all. I just talked to my mom and she was floored as well at the news. She offered to bring a few things to help out and suggested my MIL does the same. The only thing though is my MIL has cockroaches so I don't know if I would want to eat anything she brings.  The thing about DH standing up to his mom has been a problem for quite some time. Can't remember how many fights we had about it and of course if I say anything to her directly I'm the b*tch.

 

TwilightMV:

Also, on the car piece- who did your (husband's, I presume) grandfather leave it to? If he left it to you, then it's yours and MIL has no claim to it. If he left it to MIL, then it's her car and she can keep it or give it away as she likes.  If she offers you her car and you don't want it, you are free decline and buy your own- she doesn't owe you a car.

About the car. I never felt like she owed me anything let alone the car. He's grandfather didn't leave it to anyone in particular. DH's uncle is the executor of his estate and he brought it up to my MIL about us having it. She agreed until I said she can no longer spend the night. Honestly it was a nice thought and all, but it's not worth the drama and I told DH this. I said I rather no car than fight about taking a car I don't want and he said we're not really in a position to be choosy. I don't see why not though. Our car works just fine and both our jobs are less than 5 mins away from the house so if there was an emergency it would be easy enough to get back quickly.

JRogerson

tuki06:

Not cool not cool at all. I mean really how creepy is it to have your MIL trapsing through your bedroom a million times a night to go to the bathroom and newsflash it's your house so you set the rules and if you don't want guests that's your right, it doesn't make you selfish, it makes you normal. I'd be pissed and would not be having anybody over. I think that is really stinky of your DH to do that to you especially so soon after the move and you being all pregnant and what not. I hope you get through it ok and with out too much drama and anxiety. HUGS!

THANK YOU. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought this was creepy. And she didn't even knock when she entered so she once walked in on me and DH getting dressed and couldn't understand why I was upset. Who walks into someone else bedroom without knocking.

mikeandcristina

Who cares how you got yourself into it - you need to get yourself out of it! I'd pull the pregnancy card, and tell your hubby there is no way in hell that any of them are coming. I'd be really annoyed that plans were made without being discussed with me, especially when you've got the stress of moving already on your plate. I'm sure your family would understand if you told them you just weren't up to it, and who cares if your MIL throws a fit, it's your house!