Insensitive question and worry.

Mandiemn

Just called to get a return to work note from my Dr. and the nurse said, "Did you have a baby, or surgery, or what?" I didn't even know how to answer. It took me a few seconds to get out that I lost my baby. This sucks.

I go back to work Monday and I'm so anxious about being outside my house and talking to people. 

This is strange line to teeter on. Part of me wants to talk about Buffy and have people know about her and have her live on through me, but another part of me thinks the questions and the conversations are too painful.

johnnys june

Mandiemn:

Just called to get a return to work note from my Dr. and the nurse said, "Did you have a baby, or surgery, or what?" I didn't even know how to answer. It took me a few seconds to get out that I lost my baby. This sucks.

I go back to work Monday and I'm so anxious about being outside my house and talking to people. 

This is strange line to teeter on. Part of me wants to talk about Buffy and have people know about her and have her live on through me, but another part of me thinks the questions and the conversations are too painful.

I felt this same way...and somedays, I still do.  My best advice...go with your gut.  Don't be afraid of the "pain" or even the side eye glances because undoubetdly, others will feel "awkward."  Always remember that that is NOT your problem.  They feel awkward because it's such a taboo subject.  There are sometimes when I try to avoid the questions or move past them quickly, and then there are days when just saying Logan's name brings me so much joy that I don't care how the other person feels.  I really think that we (as the mother and the one experiencing the pain and loss) have the right and the ability to "set the tone" of the conversation so to speak.

*HUGS*  I'll be thinking about you, Lovey!

Carolee

(((HUGS))).  I'm sorry for the insensitive nurse.  I remember being at the point where you are.  I wanted to talk about Eliott, and I wanted people to ask me about him, but at the same time, I was so afraid they would and that I would break down.  It's so hard.

barrona

I'm so sorry the nurse asked that. I wish doctor's offices would communicate better with one another so they can be informed when talking to patients.

As for going back to work, I'll be thinking about you on Monday. For me, I was so anxious and although it was hard to go back, the anticipation was worse than the actual day. I've been back just over a month and it gets slightly better everyday. And I am the exact same way when it comes to talking about our daughter. Just like any other parent, I want to talk about her non-stop, but I'm so afraid that I'll break down in front of someone. I don't know if this will help at all, but I sent an email to my boss the day before going back stating that I was ok with people asking questions, but wanted her to inform people that I may start crying and have to excuse myself. She was very understanding and passed along the word to everyone in the office. I actually haven't had anyone ask me any questions (other than my boss), which has made me sad sometimes, but sending that email at least put my mind at ease a bit that people wouldn't think I was crazy if I suddenly needed time to myself.

Good luck on Monday and feel free to excuse yourself to the bathroom or wherever when things get to be too much. People will understand (and if they don't then it's their problem). Big ((hugs))!

lrichmond86

The return to work is definitely challenging.  For me, it was just another reminder that the rest of the world keeps turning while, often, I felt stuck in the day that my son was born and died. 

 As far as answering painful questions goes, I agree with PP that you need to just do what feels right.  It took me a while to realize it, but now I am able to embrace the painful times, but also embrace the happy times.  I find that it's a healthier way for me to heal than trying to push it back or hold it in until I'm alone to let it out.  The people around me know now that if they ask how I'm doing they're going to get an honest answer, and if they don't want to know, then they had better not ask!  Best of luck to you on your return!  Please let us know how you make out!

weddedwife

Good luck! The return to work kind of sucks. It just forces you to be around people all the time which was hard for me.

Only a very few of my coworkers said anything at all. It's hard, because on the one hand I didn't want to cry in front of them but now I'm just sad that no one had the guts to say anything.

Once you get back into your work rhythm, it might actually be good for you. I find at times it keeps my mind busy at least.