Ironic: today I got an IUD

epphd

A mirena.  For the record, placement was pretty trivial - a couple of sharp crampy pains but all in all quick and easy.  I even went for a run about an hour later.

Basically, we know the writing is on the wall for having another kid.  It's too scary to consider given that it's not even been a year since my cancer diagnosis, and while I'm in good health now I think I would be too nervous about my health taking a dive due to pregnancy-induced immune suppression to consider trying again.  And by the time I will feel safer - 3-5 years from now - I'll be 40+ with a history of egg quality based IF AND intensive chemo under my belt.  So really, I shouldn't even need BC, but then again... I did get pregnant once w/o assistance and really the docs don't know what my specific chemo does to eggs because most people who have it are postmenopausal!

So, rather than taking chances, dreading/wishing for a "surprise" and basically being indecisive, we decided to just shut it down, be happy for our healthy, funny, incredibly wonderful child and my current good health.

Now I just need to start saving for Sam's therapy since he will presumably be the only ONLY child he knows.  I swear to god that there is a second-child epidemic among our friends and daycare class. I even heard Sam in his crib the other day saying "Where's Dorian?" (his daycare buddy who has been out due to new baby in the family) "Dorian has a baby brother." heart/broken.

armywife76

((hugs)) mama. I'm sure that was a tough decision, but sounds like you thought it through. You could always have it pulled if you change your mind down the road. Congrats on being cancer-free!!!

qtpa2t

Sam can join Gabrielle in therapy.  They won't be alone.  And props to you for making such a hard decision on top of so many other hard decisions.  I admire you so much.

smilee

Hugs.  Big ones.  I am really sorry that things have been so difficult for you. Honestly, difficult does not even seem like a strong enough word. You are one strong lady- I'm just sorry that you've had to be. 

oh, and BTW- with you as a mom- I don't think Sam is ever going to feel like he is missing out on anything.  

BeccaLandes

yes, you have a lot to be thankful for!  but it isn't all that you dreamed of, and it's ok to feel sad.

i am sure you are an amazing mom, and that sam will have a wonderful life. i know many of the only children i am friends with have "adopted" best friends as siblings, or are incredibly close to cousins.  sam won't be alone!

i am just glad you are in good health and can enjoy the future with your son. 

marcuej

I know that had to be a difficult decision to make.  But you can rest assured Sam will be absolutely fine as an only child.  Speaking as an only child myself...life can still we wonderful!  And having great parents will make it all that much better.

But I do understand how you feel.  While we were pretty dang sure we were done having kids, it sucks to know now we have to be done.  Any future child of ours has a 25% chance of also having cystinosis and that is just a risk we aren't willing to take.

kittylove

((HUGS)) I know it was a hard and maybe even heart breaking choice but Sam will be fine. Riley is an only child by (mostly) choice, so I don't understand why you or others think a therapy fund is needed, although I do think you are mostly joking. It just hurts because I hate the way ONLY children are portraied and think most of it is untrue.

JillRock96

smilee:

Hugs.  Big ones.  I am really sorry that things have been so difficult for you. Honestly, difficult does not even seem like a strong enough word. You are one strong lady- I'm just sorry that you've had to be. 

oh, and BTW- with you as a mom- I don't think Sam is ever going to feel like he is missing out on anything.  

I don't think I could say it better.  ((((HUGS))))

JGirl2005

Hugs, I know that must be hard.  Congrats on being cancer free.  I'll admit I don't lurk/post on here much and didn't know your status.  Glad to hear you are cancer free!

epphd

kittylove:

((HUGS)) I know it was a hard and maybe even heart breaking choice but Sam will be fine. Riley is an only child by (mostly) choice, so I don't understand why you or others think a therapy fund is needed, although I do think you are mostly joking. It just hurts because I hate the way ONLY children are portraied and think most of it is untrue.

Oh it's totally a joke   Actually most of the only kids I know are enormously well adjusted totally awesome people!  And in fact, long before we were even married I was advocating with DH to just have one child - funnel all our resources and attention etc to one kid.  I know that we'll be OK with this, but I suspect that for a few years it will be hard to answer the questions of "will I get a baby brother/sister" and "how come I can't have one?" I will miss getting to have a newborn again and all that stuff, but then again every day that Sam gets older he gets more fun, and every day he gets easier and we get closer to having more of a "life"   And there's something to be said for that!! 

Thanks everyone