Mind if i join here?(sorry so long)

tabithawoolf

I am technically not single, although i will be pretty soon.

I'll give you a brief summary so i don't bore you all with all the details.

Basically, my boyfriend and i have known each other for 7 years. We are basically highschool sweethearts who drifted apart once i was forced to move my junior year. Of course he met someone else, continued to fight with her and eventually broke up with her only to find out that she was pregnant after they split up.

 He tried to do the right thing and work it out with her for his son's sake and to make a long story short, it just never happened. We eventually got back on track and now have a 3 month old together. He sees his son about 4 times a month, if that. My only issue is that his son's mom has never liked me and bitches about her son being around me although she has no legit reason to feel uncomfortable about me being around him. His mother is a controlling psycho who wants it her way & has dissed me from the start only because she wants them back together so she can see her grandson ALL the time. Now that our daughter is born, she was occassionally getting to watch her, see her, etc. My issue is that he had a court appointed lawyer for child support and basically believes that what his son's mom says, goes. He believes that if he continues to bring him over to our place, that she will be able to take him away.

I cannot count the number of times that I or someone else has explained to him that this cannot happen & he refuses to listen. His son is over a year old and he has been going to his moms house to see him every weekend with the exception of once that he actually brought him to our place. I used to go over to his moms house with him to see his son on occassions but his mom is a rude heartless *** to sum it up & i just can't take it anymore with her.

He is a great father to our daughter during the week but on the weekends, it's like the only kid that ever matters is his son. I continue to explain to him how bad it hurts and that he shouldn't have to leave one child to be with another. I have even given him an ultimatum of choosing to step up to his mom and son's mom and bring his son over to our place or to split up and be put on child support. We have had numerous fights about this one issue and that is all we ever fight about.

 I mainly want his son to come over so we can all be a family and he can get to know his little sister. I also feel like his son should be coming to HIS house, not his moms. I just can't take it anymore. I am currently unemployed, dealing with PP depression & the crazy hormones of an iud on top of several other things. The last thing i need is for something this pointless and easy to fix to split up my relationship. I just can't think of any other solution besides us breaking up to solve the problem.

 Am i being dramatic? Should i just suck it up and deal with him going to his moms to see his son to save our relationship? I just personally feel like it's not right & i can;t understand why he can't see that.

cwtbam

I would think about posting this over on the Blended Family board, but since you are here....

  IMO by saying that you will leave him if he doesn't stand up to BM & MIL sounds selfish to me. If you are willing to leave him and create a true single parent household. you really aren't looking at the best interest of your daughter especially  if he is a great father.  You went into the relationship with him knowing he had a child, unfortunately, you intern got his son and BM with the deal.  If he only see's his son 4 times a month & has to go to his mothers house to do so, to keep the peace with you and his BM,  I would say let him go, especially if it is between getting to see his son and not. At least he is trying to be a responsible father and be a part of his life. You should set down and talk, don't blame, just tell him how you are feeling. Don't fight, be realistic with yourself & be the bigger person.It sounds like not everyone in this relationship is acting grown up, look at whats best for your daughter.  Personally I could never ask a man who willing is seeing his son & supporting him, not to see his son for the reasons you have listed.