Question about Adoption Etiquette — The Bump
Adoption

Question about Adoption Etiquette

My husband and I are just starting the adoption process. We have a son who is almost 3. Last month a new mom and daughter joined our Super Beasts class at the Little Gym class. It's their version of mommy and me. The mom is super nice and friendly, and her daughter is cute as a button!

The mother is a Caucasian woman who appears to be a bit older than the rest of us, and the little girl is Asain. I heard her mention something to another mom about when they "first brought her home", but I wasn't a part of the conversation so I didn't want to butt in. I suspect that her daughter was adopted, although I know that might not necessarily be the case.

However, if that is the case, I think it would be great to know someone else in our area who has been down this path (I'm sure that there are others here, but I really only know 2 other couples who have adopted, and their children are MUCH older). However, I really don't want to offend her.

I know first hand, from people asking stupid IF questions, that it can be very easy to offend people when asking personal questions about how they chose to create their families, and I would feel like a total jerk if (A) I am mistaken, and she says that her daughter is her bio child, or (B) if its too personal, and she just really isn't into talking about it at all.

I'm very curious in the sense that I want to meet other adoptive families, but I don't want to come off as "That Lady" (you know, the one who is asking TMI from almost total strangers).

Should I just steer clear of the subject unless she happens to bring it up, or give in to my temptation to network and make friends with others who are adopting or have adopted?

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Re: Question about Adoption Etiquette

  • amm78amm78
    100 Comments Third Anniversary
    member
    Maybe you could strike up conversation with her and you can talk about your son and then mention that you are pursuing adoption.  Then, if she wants to share about her adoption journey (if that's the case) it will give her an opportunity to share without you asking her outright.

  • Great idea! Thanks :-)
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  • We're a conspicuous family, and I never mind if someone straight up asks me...as long as it's not in front of my kid.  
    [url=http://lilypie.com][img]http://lbym.lilypie.com/wnbwm5.png[/img][/url] [url=http://lilypie.com][img]http://lb1m.lilypie.com/HiE2m5.png[/img][/url]

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  • Honestly, I would just ask her.  Clearly you can do it with tact. 
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  •  I was a nanny for a little Asian girl and I am Caucasion. One lady asked me what hospital I gave birth to her at and I thought that was a nice way of asking in a roundabout way.

     

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  • Thanks! :-)
    [url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt12a20b.aspx[/img][/url]

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  • In my experience, I don't mind questions as long as they are at appropriate times and not in front of my girls.  I have had my share of less than appropriate conversations in Target lines. Ugh. 
    Have tact... it sounds like you are fairly certain she is adopted.... most adoptive moms love to talk real adoption to people who are interested.  It's the strangers that make random comments that are annoying :)
    image Best friends and sisters... 24 months and 16 months
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