MTB Dilemma
My friend offered to throw me a baby shower and I said okay, but I have never had a party of any kind that I didn't have to throw myself. I am concerned that things will not go the way I want them to and like to be involved. But it seems my friend is mad at my because of this (and the fact that I have been researching on my own - no actual plans, just getting an idea of what is done at one of these things).
I want a co-ed party because my husband wants to be there, and regular baby showers are boring (to most men and to myself). I'm not a girly person and want to have fun with all of my friends and family. Like have a bbq. How do I make sure things go well without taking over the entire thing? Is it wrong of me to as to be involved in making the big decisions like food, location, and guests? Also, my friend is a girly girl, how do can I be sure that the party is all inclusive (for the guys and girls)? Is it wrong for me to ask her if she would plan my party with a team of my friends so I know there are several opinions and some closer to mine and my husbands thought pattern? I feel like such an awful person. Some one please give me advice. This is my first baby as well as the first one born in my immediate family and I have no idea how this stuff works.
Re: MTB Dilemma
it really is up to the host... they are throwing the party for you and paying, so they call the shots. in my personal experience the host asks the mtb what she would like and usually throws in a few nice suprises. as for the number of guests, that is up to her because she is paying and may only be able to host for a small group. if your friend wants to make it a suprise then you cant do anything about it, just be happy that she is throwing you one.
for what its worth I love to be in charge of everything lol , but just sit back and let your friends spoil you!
A shower is a gift to you, so no, actually... you don't get to basically plan it all yourself. If she asks, you can give her some thoughts. But really... you need to sit back and enjoy. This is HER party, not yours. It's for you, but it's still her party.
As for it being co-ed, the biggest thing here that you have to realize is that co-ed could basically double the guest list. You need to ask her how many people she feels she can afford to host, or fit (perhaps she plans on having it at her house, for example). Even if you can convince her to do co-ed, if she says "30 people" - you can invite either 30 women or 15 couples.
In the end- if you don't want a SHOWER, then tell her "thanks, but no thanks". Throw yourself a BBQ. Don't call it a shower, just have a party to have a party.
But really- you can't suck it up for ONE 3 hour event? She wants to do something nice for you. Let her.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Are you for real? If your friend who was kind enough to offer you a shower is already mad at you for trying to take over, then you have clearly overstepped your bounds and it's time to butt out. At this point, you can't make sure things "go well,", you can't be involved in the "big decisions," you can't make sure it's all-inclusive, etc. If you are so convinced your friend's party is going to suck, then just decline the shower. Maybe your other team of friends will step up to be your little worker bees.
OMG...this 100% You kind of sound like you think you are "entitled".
I would rethink a co-ed shower also...the only one I ever attended was miserable. All the men got drunk on booze they snuck in because they were pissed their wives/gfs made them attend a baby shower...they didn't want to play games and ooh and ahh over onesies. While this may not be the case for you, I have never met a guy who wanted to attend one. Hell most women don't want to...
It doesn't sound like you have ever thrown a shower for someone...if you had you would know it isn't easy..sometimes it's expensive and trying and dramatic. It sounds like you're making this even harder for your friend with all your requests. Be thankful, she is giving you the gift of her time and energy.
You should.
You're a spoiled little twit that can't let someone do something nice for you because it doesn't live up to your grandiose expectations. No one is stopping you from having a BBQ...go for it. But DO NOT put registry info on the invites. DO NOT make it a gift giving event. If your husband really wants to be at the shower your friend is throwing for you, then he should go. My husband did, and he was the only dude there...and he had a ball. He can't have it both ways "Oh I want to go, but I don't want it to be boring for me so you need to make sure your gracious friend who has offered her time and money to do something nice for you makes accomodations for me so that I'm sure to have a good time." And you think it's going to be boring??? Son of a b!tch...then don't let her shell out time and money for you. Seriously, is there something really wrong with you?
Blech. You need to find a new board. You're probably a troll or an AE, but I had to respond just in case some other idiot reads this and relates to it.
This. Back off and butt out.
alll of this :-)
Life doesn't always go the way you want. Suck it up, say thank you and back off of her and let her plan the party.
ETA: This does not qualify as a dilemma.
wow, I didn't expect so many terrible things from people, do none of you remember what it's like to be involved in something completely foreign to you? I wanted some serious advice and information. I have never thrown a shower nor have I had one bc this is my first child. I grew up the youngest of 4 and am the only girl, so I don't know how any of these things go. I don't have nieces and nephews. Other than the kids I babysat for, I didn't know any mothers or expecting mothers until these past 2 years. I understand that I've asked a lot, but my friend says she wants to know exactly what I would like. I'm not spoiled like some have said, I am the opposite. I don't have people planning things for me, I don't get surprises, If I want something I have always had to do it myself. So it's hard to not do something myself now-a-days. I don't know the protocol or the etiquette expected of me when it comes to a baby shower.
Since I made this post I have given up full control of the planning, I still worry, but not for the reason that most of you are thinking. I worry because I know this is a lot for my friend to take on especially since she just had her own little bundle recently. She feels bad when she can't get things done on a schedule she plans and I want to step in so bad to help her out because I don't want her feeling bad. I know she is trying really hard and appreciate that. I appreciate all of my friends. The group of friends that I wanted her to work with had offered previously to throw a shower so I let her know. As far as I know at this point she has decided to do it all herself so I haven't said anything about it since. This is a learning process for me, so real advice is appreciated, but hormonal sniping at my serious moment of confusion is not.