Preschool- weird sharing behavior

anna7602

DD has become friends with a little girl whom I find odd for so many reasons, and none of them are endearing. She does the whole "I'm not your friend" thing Fred mentions below and pitches crying fits over nothing (at age 5) and is just not generally a kid I like very much. But, we're new here and she's one of DD's few friends, so what can you do.

The one behavior I find particularly odd, however, is on her fixation with a specific kind of sharing. She came to a playdate at our house and at the end, demanded something to take home with her. DD, naturally, refused to part with anything permanently, and it was this really big deal (girl crying, DD getting anxious), until the mom suggested the girl explain she only meant to borrow something overnight and that she would give it back to DD at school the next day.

Still weird. The negotiations went on forever, with the girl suggesting stuff she wanted to take, DD refusing, DD offering something else, the girl refusing, etc. And the whole time the mom is looking at me like my kid has to learn how to share.

Today, DD wore a set of bracelets to school. The junky beaded kind you get at a place like Children's Place that come 3 or 4 in a pack. Nothing fancy, but DD is attached to them. I pick her up and she tells me the girl said she had to give her one, not lend her one, but give her one, and not "may I have one," but "you HAVE to give me one." So DD refused and the girl got upset and wouldn't play with her anymore and said all the crappppy "you're not my friend" stuff.

I'm all for sharing toys and being nice, and maybe if it was anyone else, I might have pointed out to DD that she had 3 identical bracelets, so what's the harm in giving one to keep to a friend. But this girl basically tries to intimidate and manipulate my child to get what she wants.

3003girl

fredalina:

Honestly this seems like a precursor to bullying. How quickly will "if you want to be my friend you'll give me your bracelet" become "give me your bracelet or I'll hit you". Or maybe just the girl version of bullying at this age since girls tend to be less physical.

This. Although I don't know the best way to deal with it. Fred's suggestion sounds good, and I would certainly let your LO know that it's ok to not "share" with her. And perhaps steer her towards other kids who don't have a sharing requirement to be friends.

 

anna7602

solidio:

And perhaps steer her towards other kids who don't have a sharing requirement to be friends.

 

Le grand sigh! This was so much easier at home where I knew most of the parents and kids DD's age in our neighborhood. Here I am at the mercy of the kids she meets at school and at ballet class.

tlew12778

I have a friend who lives in Greece and this is a huge complaint of hers! Only there "borrowing" seems synonymous with "stealing" bc the toys NEVER make I back to their real homes.

We live in Italy but DD hasn't had play dates yet. But it's definitely not the norm for park play dates. 

 I'd only be ok with it (maybe) if the kid brought something and left it there to exchange in the borrowing negotiation. My house isn't a toy store and lots of our toys are imported.

ACAsomeday

solidio:

fredalina:

Honestly this seems like a precursor to bullying. How quickly will "if you want to be my friend you'll give me your bracelet" become "give me your bracelet or I'll hit you". Or maybe just the girl version of bullying at this age since girls tend to be less physical.

This. Although I don't know the best way to deal with it. Fred's suggestion sounds good, and I would certainly let your LO know that it's ok to not "share" with her. And perhaps steer her towards other kids who don't have a sharing requirement to be friends.

 

I agree, precursor to bullying.  I don't have any older kids and I'm a FTM so I really have no idea how to avoid this.  As a FTM, In my head it seems like it'd be easy to keep your kid away from her, but since you're posting this, I'm assuming its not!