How much time does your DH spend with baby?

heidilyn22

Lately I've been noticing my DH doesn't seem to spend much time with our baby. For example, today he got home from work late, and didn't even go to see the baby. He ate dinner and started playing effing angry birds. When I asked him if he wanted to hold her after I fed her, he said he wanted to eat ice cream first. After eating, he took her for about 20 minutes and then went to bed.

 This bothers me for two reasons. One, I'm the one who does virtually all the baby care. DH helps by doing laundry and dishes, but maybe feeds her one bottle a day and changes one diaper. Two, I'm worried that he's not bonding with her. I don't know if he's nervous or what. He says he's not.

 When DD was first born, I was excited by what a good daddy DH was. He did EVERYTHING because I was recovering from a rough birth. Since week 2 though, it's been less and less. I know he loves our daughter, but I thought he'd take more of an active interest in her. If I were gone at work all day, I wouldn't let anyone else hold her until I got to.

 Just wondering if anyone out there is having the same issue? I'm concerned, but don't want to bully DH into taking more of an interest in the baby. Any advice?

Texas77again

there are days that my DH does this too and oddly enough today was one of them.  it could bother me if i would let it, but honestly i'm going to pick my battles.  if this pattern continues we'll have to have a come to Jesus talk.  for right now i'm ok with it and wouldn't want to trade jobs for the world. 

snowflakemom

I'm just throwing this out there - but my DH is seriously not a "baby person." He was even more excited than me about the idea of having another child, but I think he just feels awkward/helpless/uncoordinated with infants. As the girls have gotten older, he is much more interactive with them and has said as much to me over the past few years.

That said, he still does diaper duty, feeding, etc. when I need him to and enjoys hearing about DS' day even if he isn't jumping to hold him as soon as he walks in the door. And FWIW, the other day literally the first thing he did when he got home from work was come take DS from me so he could get some time in with him. But today, the first thing he did was kick his shoes off and grab his iPad. So it might just depend on the day.

Your DH might not feel the same way about being separated from DC during the day as you would but that probably doesn't mean he loves LO any less. I don't think that means he can or should be excused from his share of the "work" or caring for DC, but maybe babies just aren't his thing.

Redsoxchick

My DH spends a lot of time with LO when he's home and we split feeding/diaper duty, however I know he's not loving the baby stage, though he gets excited about the new things he does and always gushes about how cute he is I know he's going to be really excited when he can talk and play with more things etc, he's definately more looking forward to the toddler stage and beyond.

mlee116

There are some days that DH spends a lot of time with DS, and other days, not so much.  Last night was one of the 'not so much' days.  He came home and held him for a little bit, then put him in his bouncer and started reading something for most of the night.  I ended up holding him and playing with him even I was with him all day.  Other days, DH hold him and play with him all night.  

I think DH also feels awkward right now.  DS is only a month old, so he doesn't interact with us really.  I also BF and when DS starts crying, its usually because he wants to eat and I think DH feels like he's in the way.  I think once DS gets a little older and can start interacting more, DH will be a lot more involved. 

HappyToBe2012

My DH has admitted he is terrified of DD.  He used to tell me while he didn't want to rush her growing up any, he wished she would be about 2-3 months so that she wouldn't seem as fragile.  However, when she was first born, he did all the diaper changes when we were in the hospital and then once we first came home.  It changed when he went back to work since I'm on maternity leave until Monday.  He'll still get up at night and either get the bottle or change her (I do the other).  But he doesn't come home and immediately want her from me.  Some nights he does but other nights he might hold her a total of 10 minutes the entire evening.  He also only feeds her maybe one bottle during the work week.  (I do make him on the weekends just because there will come a day when they are left alone together - you should see the looks on both his and DD's faces when I make that comment, you'd think I was suggesting they commit a crime!)  I think as DD is starting to interact more with us, he'll take more of an interest in her.  Last night they were laying on the bathroom floor together before and after bathtime making faces at each other.  And he is really good about taking her during dinner so that I can eat a hot meal with two hands without bending like a pretzel.

I try not to get annoyed the nights he's not as interested in her.  He doesn't care if I haven't made it off the couch to clean or anything - in his eyes my whole job right now is to snuggle with DD and love on her.  Do I wish they would spend more time together, yes, but I think that will come as she gets older.

Maybe you could try suggesting your DH read LO a story before bedtime or something.  Or offer to get the ice cream for him while they sit on the couch together.  He could hold/prop up LO beside him while he's playing video games.  Also remember that most men don't have that instant bond with LOs like we do.  We walked around for 10 months with them 24/7.  Yeah, DH was there too but it wasn't the same.  He'll come around.

MrsLindinger0905

DH works 1-10, and when I go back to work (next week) I'll be leaving around 8-8:15 for work. So last week I kind of threw LO in DH's arms one morning and said "you get her after 8 am from now on!" All together he'll have about 2 weeks of taking care of her (with me there) from 8-12 (when he would take her to the sitters, for now I just take over then).

mben1119

We rotate "shifts" with DS.  I get him in the AM before they leave for work/daycare. DH picks him up, and spends time with him until I get home.  Then, after DS goes to bed, we alternate who gets up with him for his feeding/change. On weekends, we just takes turns. 

sweetky_06

DH is always anxious to hold DS when he gets home, but I still felt like I was the one dealing with the crying, feeding (well, I have to), baths, and bedtime.

So - what we did is DH picks 2 evenings a week that when he gets home, DS is his. That means - he gets 15 minutes when he gets home to decompress from work and then DS is his responsibility until bedtime - he is the one that responds to his crying, brings him to me when he needs to eat, bathes him, gets him ready for bed, etc. The other night was DH's night and he wanted to do some work outside, so DS went with him and he got to really see just how difficult it is to get stuff done with DS tied to him! 

nothingbuthappy

My husband is crazy about our LO and it's the opposite...he gets in from work and goes straight for the baby and sometimes forgets to greet ME!  ....even if I'm holding the baby!  Lol.  Seriously, he'll walk over to us and start talking to the baby and give him a kiss and I have to **AHEM** to get his attention.  Guess I'm old news.  He'll usually go to the bathroom, get changed and then come take the baby from me though as I get dinner together.  And if the baby doesn't want to be put down, I eat first and then take the baby from him so he can eat.  After dinner, as long as it's not "bill night" and he's home (some times he has late meetings for work or just gets stuck at the office), if I'm not feeding the baby my husband is holding him, then it's all me once bed time hits since I'm home and nursing....better to let my husband sleep well and NOT lose his job for making any errors because he's sleep deprived ;-)  Lol.  

 

Weekends he's really good, but not AS great...just in that he doesn't spend ALL of his free time with our LO like he does during the work week.  But he's still here, hands on...he just doesn't do diapers as long as I'm home, but once I return to work it will be time to cowboy-up in that dept, and the baby will be on bottles in addition to nursing, so he will be able to help with feedings too.  For now, he still goes to the gym (which generally means 2 hrs out of the house between going there, working out, stopping here or there on the way home - usually to grab lunch for both of us, and getting back home...then once he's home he has to shower and change, etc, which is another 1/2 hour, then he eats...all while I have the baby, BUT I'm used to being alone with the baby ALL day every day, so just having him here is nice for socialization purposes for me, additional interaction and activity for the baby, and once he's done with his gym routine, he's back to being hands on as much as he can.  

My ex-husband was like your husband is now and honestly, I have no advice.  It's either how they're wired or not, I guess???  But instead of asking him, try just saying it ....not telling him per se, but just "Here's Susie, I have to go to the bathroom..." and then go, take your time, and on your way back stop in the kitchen and start doing things you need to get done so he can't just pass her back three seconds later.  It's worth a try!  The only thing I'd say is to try not to be confrontational or accusatory -- that invariably backfires!  

GL!!! 

talitha712

DH usually comes home, changes, then takes DD.  Especially now that she's a little older he loves interacting and playing with her.  But even when she was tiny, he would take her for a while when he came home from work so I could get a break and/or sleep.  DH has his nights every now and then when he's tired and kind of zones out, but most of the time he interacts with DD a lot until bedtime.  I use this time to make dinner, clean, pay bills, wash diapers, etc., though I do make it a point to spend some time together as a family of three.  I'm the one who usually puts her to bed, though sometimes on weekends DH will.  Usually while I'm putting her to bed DH is washing bottles or doing other stuff around the house.

gooshbaby

glad im not the only one. i spend all day with my dd and do all the cooking and cleaning too. my husband dh comes home from work, kisses us both, but doesnt care to hold her. only when she cries and i cant settle her down. today, she started crying when i was eating so i had to feed her, and i kinda got pissed because even afer he got done eating and i still had my plate left, he just got up to do something else and when i asked him if he could feed the other half of her bottle he didnt really want to. same with yesterda when i askd if he could feed her, i ended up doing it. kinda stressful on my part since he has 3 othr kids that i take care of  24/7. getting a bit irratated here... i really do wish hed spend more time with her.