Time for yourself

erodrigue5

So I work full time and have an 8 month old son. I work 3 12 hour shifts so I'm off 4 days a week. My hubby works 60 hour work weeks so most of the house responsibilities and baby responsibilities fall on me. I don't have any family close by that can help out with anything. I'm starting to feel like I'm drowning!!! By the time my hubby gets home I'm putting the baby to sleep and he goes to sleep within an hour or so. I'm wondering how everyone else has time to do anything for themselves. I'm at a point where I don't even have a chance to go to my doctor appointments. My self esteem is starting to suffer as well because I look like crap most of the time. Haven't had a haircut in forever. I basically clean, shower and do laundry while my baby takes his one nap a day and then I'm limited on what I can do while he's awake. I'm wondering if I missing a trick or something on how other people do it. 

cwm11985

Why don't you ask whoever does your childcare if one day a week that you're off, your son can go there.  So, use child care 4 days a week instead of just 3.  Then, you work 3 days and the 4th is used for appointments/gym/whatever ?

iluvmylab

I second the idea of a day of daycare so you can do things for yourself.  And you and DH both work, so I think he needs to do some things around the house too.  

KathrynMD

Yes - ditto others.  Put the baby into daycare another day; he won't care and you can get a little break, do errands sans kid, take a nap.  The other thing is to just lower your expectations a little bit.  You can go 2 weeks (or 3) w/o changing the sheets or wiping down the baseboards, etc.

erodrigue5

LibraryChica:

If you can swing a little extra childcare then you definitely should. We manage time to ourselves by giving one another a "morning off" from parenting. I get Saturday a.m. and DH gets Sunday a.m. but if your DH and you can't manage that (and having done the spouse to a 60-hour-a-week worker in the past I know it can be about impossible) then I think you should definitely hire a little extra childcare half a day a week, full day every two weeks, whatever works. Like PP said, it's an investment in your mental health. No one can manage the schedule you currently have forever. You need time for appointments and non-child recreation. Your child will thank you in 20 years when you're sane and well-balanced. Also, if you can afford a cleaning service even every-other-month then do it. I buy Groupons and the like and try to get the house deep-cleaned a few times a year. It helps a lot.

Also, you might want to talk to your DH to make sure he's getting some non-work "him" time when he can. Before DD my DH had a tendancy to get into what I refer to as "work spirals of doom" where he would just go and go and go until he collapsed. He hasn't done it since I got pregnant but I keep an eye on him, JIC.  

My dh is exactly the same way!! He still goes to the gym while on lunch at work and started to play softball. I probably should start sending him for a half day once a week so I can have me time. Thanks for the advice!!

andoolittle

Why don't you just take him with you to your appointments? That's what I do. As far as haircuts, get them done on the weekend when your husband can watch your son for a hour or two. I also do stuff for me (reading, scrapbooking, etc) after he goes to bed.

duchess0727

Hire a babysitter.  If you can't then schedule your hair appts on days when your husband is home.  It's hard but you figure it out.  My time for myself is early in the morning when I work out and about every other Friday night when I hire a babysitter and go out with friends.  I have a cleaning person and my husband and I do basic cleaning together on the off weeks. 

Fianschneid

My time to myself is basically my commute and after DD goes to bed around 7:30. DH and I usually spend the evening together but talk at the beginning of the week about taking turns going out for the evening to go to the gym, see friends, etc.

SouthFloridaMommy

I feel like I never have any "me" time.  I have started telling DH that he is going to watch the girls so I can go out and do x, y, z.  It's sad, but if I don't tell him, he won't offer.  Well he will, but he'll offer to watch them while they are napping...which isn't helpful since I already have stuff to do while they are napping.  I don't feel bad, he has things that he does, and I should start to have a few of my own. 

mittensonkittens

The first year is the hardest.  It won't be like this forever.  We don't have family nearby either, but we have friends in the same situation and we help each other out.  Can you trade off babysitting with friends?  Bring a friend with you to entertain LO while you get your hair cut and you can chat at the same time.  I get "me time" when I leave the kids and housework with DH on the nights or weekends and go out to run errands, meet friends, or just do my own thing in the house.  Once a month I go out and get a massage after the kids are in bed.  If I need to do something during business hours, I use personal time and leave work for an hour or two.

sheryn2

At 7 mos, I take "me" time when LO sleeps. Which means LO cleans, showers, does laundry and all household responsibilities with me (or I don't do them). In fact, tonight she was kind enough to sort my socks (she was in the laundry basket and grabbed every sock and threw it out). When I shower or clean or anything, she sits and plays where I can see her. Sometimes I carry her and do the one-handed cleaning (e.g. recycling), but she's getting heavy so more often or not I put her someplace she can see or hear me.  It's probably a combination of LO being easy-going and what we made a "norm" for her.  Today she helped me make lunch (sat on the floor and waved around a ladle and spatula).  Plus we BLW, so when I eat she plays with food which occupies her well so my meals are restful.  I'm better able to enjoy our time that we sit and play together (or alongside each other) and give her my undivided attention.  It's nice when the chores turn into play (like peek-a-boo with the blanket she pulled out of the laundry).  Mostly our house is a mess, but better that than me!

It will be interesting when LO begins toddling... I hear emptying the pot shelf over-and-over can keep most toddlers occupied for a good while...  Good luck!

KL777

LibraryChica:

If you can swing a little extra childcare then you definitely should. We manage time to ourselves by giving one another a "morning off" from parenting. I get Saturday a.m. and DH gets Sunday a.m. but if your DH and you can't manage that (and having done the spouse to a 60-hour-a-week worker in the past I know it can be about impossible) then I think you should definitely hire a little extra childcare half a day a week, full day every two weeks, whatever works. Like PP said, it's an investment in your mental health. No one can manage the schedule you currently have forever. You need time for appointments and non-child recreation. Your child will thank you in 20 years when you're sane and well-balanced. Also, if you can afford a cleaning service even every-other-month then do it. I buy Groupons and the like and try to get the house deep-cleaned a few times a year. It helps a lot.

Also, you might want to talk to your DH to make sure he's getting some non-work "him" time when he can. Before DD my DH had a tendancy to get into what I refer to as "work spirals of doom" where he would just go and go and go until he collapsed. He hasn't done it since I got pregnant but I keep an eye on him, JIC.  

 

I agree with this and the other posters.

Printergirl

I'm pretty much saying 'ditto' to the pp's!

See if every other week you can add that extra day or half day to daycare and use that day for errands, appointments, naps, etc!

Check into a cleaning person (saved my sanity when DS was a baby...still is with DS2 and a crazy 3 year old!). I like the Groupon idea someone suggested to get a deal a few times a year.

Rotate weekend mornings...that extra hour is amazing.

Is there a friend you'd trust to take LO overnight? We just had our 1st overnight since DS was born in June. Getting away for 24 hours did wonders for me and our marriage. I am back to our exhausting routine but I'm hanging onto the fact that DH and I still can have fun together when we aren't so bloody tired!