We're stuck right?
FutureMrsWittig
member
SD (9) has braces and two palletal expanders. We financed this through the orthodontists' office and they are billing us separately from BM (50/50). The contract itself is signed by BM (stating how much we will pay monthly etc...) and the insurance is through me.
I paid our payment today for this month and next and they informed me that BM has not paid her portion for Feb or March. This means that, unless it is paid by April 1, SD will go into what they call "maintenence". They will fix anything that breaks, but they will not advance her treatment in any way until it is paid up.
DH is going to talk to BM but I know she won't have the money... SD just had a birthday so I'm sure the money went to buy her gifts, etc...
So what do we do? Do we pay it up (not that we can really afford to) and let BM get us back when she can (she currently owes us almost $400 in school and other medical expenses dating back two years) or do we wait her out? We really don't want to see SD have to stay in braces longer than she needs to, but like I said, we're stretched to our max right now financially. We would have to ask our parents for the money (and I HATE asking to borrow money).
Re: We're stuck right?
If you don't have the money, you don't have it. BM has shown that she will not pay you back, so any payments you make aren't going to be repaid. You just have to wait out BM to get back on track.
Do you pay CS? Not sure if CS can be adjusted to deduct these expenses, but something to think about.
No child support is paid by either party. BM is court ordered to pay us back for her portion of the backed expenses at a rate of $25 per paycheck. But she had a 4th child last Fall so she isn't working.
I hate the catch here... SD will be the one who suffers.
It sucks that BM isn't stepping up and doing her part (sounds an awful lot like our BM!) but I wouldn't take care of her responsibilities for her. Especially since you really can't afford to! Your DH should talk to BM and if she needs to ask someone for a loan, that's on her.
In my history with BM, the more we take care of her responsibilities, the more she leans on us to do everything. We've dealt with her oweing us money and losing SD's school stuff and now she doesn't even help with little things like getting the kids' haircuts and helping research preschools!
I would document everything and take it to the courts to get the money back but I would borrow the money to finish the treatment.
I can't see letting the child suffer to make a point. I hate when one parent seems to 'get away' with stuff but sometimes that's what happens when we are putting the kids first. It's not fair to pay more and it's not fair that she doesn't pay her share but I think sometimes the adults suffer to make sure the kids don't. If I waited for my exhusband to pay his share the kids wouldn't have had a very sad life. Sure, the court might eventually get something out of him to make it fair, but in the mean time the kids are the ones losing. EDIT They would be the ones losing if I waited for his contribution.
I 100% agree with this. It sucks that BM can't afford to pay it or seem to pay you back for previous things but if she wasn't around all of the costs would be on you two anyway. I mean, if BM just said flat out, "I'm not paying for braces at all", what would you do if the child really needed them? I'm sure you would just go ahead and do it because it is for the child. You just do what you need for the kids and then work out the rest between the adults (in court if necessary). If you never see the money you never see it. It's kind of the price of having children as unfair as it may be for one of the parents.
DH talked to BM last night. He told her that she needs to pay up before SDs next appointment. She said she'll try.
If we get there and it's not paid we have decided we will pay it up (borrowing the money) and then DH will file paperwork to have regular child support paid and also to take away BMs weeknight visitation. He knows that support and visitation are separate issues, but BM has made SD late for school enough times that his lawyer said he should have no problems getting it modified. He will also file contempt charges against BM because the CO clearly states she will pay 50% of everything and she signed the contract with the ortho's office stating that she was able to pay her amount, so she can't claim we did this without a discussion.
I hate that it's come to this.
This is what I am thinking. If it was your kid...you would figure out a way right? I know it's not the way its supposed to be, but if you can scrape together the money for her...you will feel really good about it.
We have had SS for 15 months now and BM has paid zero child support, medical expenses or extra cirriculars. SS needed an expander and it cost us $2,250. We had to pay every penny. She paid nothing. DH sent her a coupon (we were on a pay $750 up front and $250 a month for 6 month plan) and asked her to pay just ONE $250 payment. She never responded and never paid.
Kids are expensive. However, I do agree with PPs, if you don't have it there is not much you can do. Can you talk to the ortho and explain what is going on? Maybe they can stretch out your payments a little longer so that they are less?
I am a big advocate of both bio-parents taking care of their kids financially, but now having SS in my life and BM not paying for a thing has changed my perspective. We do our best to give SS what he needs and let it go that BM does not contribute. She will never change.