Parentless Parenting

aries21

Hello,

If you have a baby and your own mother passed away, how do you handle it? DH and I have no family nearby so to say the least some days are extremely hard especially when LO or one of us is sick. It makes me so sad and upset when my friends complain how hard it is for them to have a baby, raise kids, etc when they have help from both sides. Just wondering if anyone can relate and can offer any suggestions on just how to deal with this and not get as upset as I do.

mylove2005

aries21:

Hello,

If you have a baby and your own mother passed away, how do you handle it? DH and I have no family nearby so to say the least some days are extremely hard especially when LO or one of us is sick. It makes me so sad and upset when my friends complain how hard it is for them to have a baby, raise kids, etc when they have help from both sides. Just wondering if anyone can relate and can offer any suggestions on just how to deal with this and not get as upset as I do.

I also have lost my mom and it is very hard but all I try to do is remember what my mom would have done or said. As far as my friends go most of them are really good about not really complaining about there moms to me they know how rough it is for me. There was one person who complained all the time about her mom to me and I just told her that it must be tough to have a mom around to talk with, help and cry to and that she should not take it for granted and well that was the last time she said anything like that again

lollitots

It can get hard emotionally sometimes. My Mom is still alive, but she is in end stage Alzheimer's. She's had the disease for at least 15 years now, and has not known my name for at least 6 years. My Dad passed away a few days after DD #1's birthday, when I was PG with #2. It makes me sad that he never even got to meet two of of grandkids.

I remember how good of grandparents they were to my neices and nephews (who are college age now). I feel bummed that my kids didn't get that.

It is hard. You can't ask questions about Mom's pregnancies or what they did for you when you were little. My sister is alot older, so I can ask her a little about how something was, but it still isn't the same.

It makes me even more sad for my kids that DHs parents are alive and live close, but are not involved. They are too busy with their own lives, will not baby sit and only see the kids every 3 to 4 months. They aren't bad people, just not into being grandparents.

I don't know what to tell you to make it easier. It just is what it is, so we all do the best we can. Friends are important. Somehow we get through. I wish fewer people (including you) were in this boat.

 

shibby00

I am so sorry you are going through this.  My Mom passed away before I got married or had DD.  It is so hard.  I remember that she is watching me from wherever she is, and that is 'knows' my DD.  I am very blessed to have a wonderful FIL and MIL who watch my DD once a week.  Of course it is not the same as my own Mom and situations do arise that wouldn't have with my own parent, but I am very glad that DD can have a relationship with one set of grandparents.

Littlejen22

I still have my Mom so I hope you do not mind me answering. My Dad passed away when DS was 8mo and dealing with his illness took a to on my Mom, she is 75 and a wonderful Grandma but cannot help me at all for babysitting and I could not ask her to come over if we were sick. So yes I am very lucky that I can still talk to her and the kids know her but I wish she could help when I need it like she did with my neices  and my iLs live over seas so MIL and her DH and Fil have each met DS twice and DD once when she was under one. And I will not let my kids be at my brothers without me so there is no help. It stinks but unfortunately many people have no help. And hugs to you. 

CalBears

I lost my mom many years ago. I have 2 young daughters and it is very hard to not have my mom around. My inlaws and my father are very involved in my children's lives but I still miss my mother. Have you read Motherless Mothers? Perhaps you'll find that book helpful to you.

springfallwed

And late as always. I lost my Mom 4 years ago this July; DD was a little over a year old. We live 2 hours from family (with the exception of SIL who moved 30 min away from us). At first it was hard, because the solution was always to just send DD to the ILs or to my aunts. But, for me, I was hurting and the last thing I really wanted was to be away from her. It stinks, being sick, is crappy; but honestly, and not trying to sound hard about it, you just do it. I try to remind myself that I'm a mommy now & I have to handle it. Do I get sad and upset? You better believe it. We still send DD to our family every once and awhile, we both feel that it's good for her to foster relationships with them without us there to oversee every step. But as she's gotten older, the trips have lessened. I am extremely blessed because MIL is wonderful and will come and stay with us if we need her.

I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm sorry your friends don't understand. It's a horrible empty feeling. You need to tell them that it's hard for you, people who haven't been there simply just don't get it. Best of luck and huge hugs!

aries21

thank you all so much