New here and need support/ rant

ashk7

I have been lurking here for a few weeks and thought I should introduce myself. I gave birth to our dd at 31 weeks 4 days on march 6th due to her having heart decels and IUGR. Our little Mia was born via c section and weighed 2lbs 6 oz and was 14.5 inches long. I was on hospital bed rest for 5 days before dr decided she was better out then in so I was able to get both rounds of steroids and we had a few days for those to work. DD came out with the umbilical cord around her neck 5 times!! Thankfully she has been breathing on her own since birth, all of her scans came back clear and normal. She is IUGR due to my insufficient placenta, dr found during c section that my placenta was actually ectopic also called cornual. Basically most of my placenta was attached to the uterine wall but some of it was also in my fallopian tube! She is truely our miracle baby!!! She is a feeder/ grower and is up to 1369 grams, we hit the 3 lb mark! We are very lucky and blessed to have amazing friends and family who support us and have been there for DH, dd and I. With tht being said I know it's hard for them to understand what it's like to be a NICU mommy. I am totally having a pity party morning and came here for advice. DH is out golfing, which he asked and I totally told him to go he has been truely amazing nd my rock this past 9 months, he deserves a break!  But I feel like all i do is pump, pump and pump, go see DD, pump, try and sleep and start all over the next day. Please do not take this as complaining, we are so blessed to have our dd here nd thriving, I have no issues pumping its the best thing I can do for her now as well as working on getting her to breast feed. I just want to have some normalcy, I have my shower coming up this weekend, and I will not be able to show off my first baby bump, I have to bond with my daughter with other families, nurses and drs coming in and out, I have to leave her there every night to come home to my damn pump! I guess I have hit the grieving stage, of all the things normal pregnancies experience that I know I will too but in a different way. Once again my driving force is our Mia and that she will be home soon and we will have our family time and memories in our home, dressing her and bathing her, getting up with her at all hours of the night!! I guess what I am looking for is advice of how some of you other ladies got through the hospital stay phase. Thanks for listening/ reading! I hope all your beautiful LO's are doing well and I look forward to getting to know you!

kelkel09

First off, congratulations on the birth of your daughter!! I love the name Mia!

What you are feeling is a normal part of being a NICU mommy. It is not easy at all. My DD spent 10 weeks in the NICU, but my DS is still in the hospital  7 1/2 months later (5 1/2 months in the Nicu and then has been in a rehab hospital since) because he had many complications. I have spent the last several months running around back and forth between taking care of my DD at home and going to the hospital every day to be with my DS. I can't say how I have been getting through it...I guess I have just been doing what I have to do to and keeping in mind that my final goal is to get him home. Until recently, I really wasn't doing anything to take care of myself at all and was extremely mentally and physically exhausted. I just started working out again like a week ago and I already feel a little better. So my advice is to try to take some time for yourself....even if it is just a few minutes a day or like a weekly manicure. It will help you stay sane.

 It is great that you have a great support system from your family and friends. I know it is really difficult because no one really understands what you are going through, but don't be afraid to tell them just how you are feeling or just ask for help. The ladies on this board have also been a wonderful support as well since we have been through all the things you are going through. Keep us posted!

 Best of luck to you and your family. Many thoughts & prayers that Mia continues to do well and is home with you soon!!

Kelley

katie4253

We have similar stories.  Gabe was 2lb3oz and I was on hospital bedrest for 4 days before I had him (so I was able to get my shots).  I had my shower when he was in the hospital.  I printed pics and put them in a little flip book so people could see what we were dealing with.  The conversation was mostly about how he was doing. 

When they did my c-section they found I had a partial placental abruption. 

He was in the hospital for 41days.  Came home at 4lb1oz.   I got through the hospital phase by blogging daily (his progress).  It is very valuable to me now because looking back, it is amazing to see how far he has come.  He'll be 11 months on April 13th.  We are now thinking about 1st birthdays.  I know it is hard now, but you just have to focus on pumping and taking care of yourself. I also sought the support of this board and still talk to these gals 10.5 months later.  In fact, I'm meeting one of them for lunch today

Do you have questions?  Please reach out if you want to talk.

daphne814

I don't have any good advice to offer yet because I'm right there with you.  I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and I completely relate!  I've been such a wreck the last few days (my DS was born on Tuesday, so this is all new to me, too).  It's crazy to feel like the only thing you can do/have control over right now is the pumping.  I feel like I've become overly worried and obsessed about every little detail:  Am I getting enough milk?  How should I store it? etc, probably because I feel like it's the ONLY thing I can do for him when I'm not in the NICU.  I'm hoping after some adjustment time, we'll just figure out a routine that works and it won't feel so ...I don't know what the right word is...isolating?  ((((HUGS))))

DrRx

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter Mia!

I know what you mean where you feel like all you do is pump, pump, pump.  For me, the last 7 weeks that Adalyn has been in the NICU has been very similar to the movie Groundhog Day.  However, it has gotten easier with time.  For me, I got into a routine and just keep with it in regards to when I visit her, pump, and eat, etc.  I even allot myself 2 hours a day--"free time"--that I reserve to run errands, do housework, have coffee with a friend, etc. 

I totally understand about the "grieving"--the loss of a normal pregnancy. I was hospitalized at 22w6d and had my baby at 26w2d.   I didn't get to have a shower where we did baby games with my big belly, etc, have maternity photos, do the 3D ultrasound, do the newborn pics, or have that moment with mom, dad, and baby alone in a room just hours after LO is born. 

However, I did the best that we could, and cherished our first "alone" family time when I finally got to hold her when she was switched from the vent to the CPAP mask when she was a little over 3 weeks old and we watched American Idol in her room with DH.  I plan on doing baby pics when she comes home to celebrate when she is "wireless".  The other stuff will just have to wait until, if I'm fortunate again, to be pregnant with Adalyn's sister or brother.  

Enjoy your shower this weekend!  This board is really wonderful, and for me it really helps to talk to ladies who have been there and know what I'm going through. 

Irishsapphire

Congratulations on your daughter!  She is a real miracle!

The pumping drove me crazy.  I used to joke that mommy is bringing baby breastmilk in a cooler to the hospital.  I asked the nurses  a lot of questions about how to take care of a baby.  The nurses would page lactation consultants for me, so I took advantage of this service.  And I talked to the social workers about any how I was doing and any programs that would help us out.  We qualified for the K01 Medicaid as a secondary insurance  and then for WIC since my son was in the hospital for over 30 days.  This really helped us out a lot for my son's 1st year.  And the WIC covered his formula cost.  I went back to work after my 6 week maternity leave, and I just could not handle pumping and breastfeeding any more. 

jcsntms06

Congratulations on the birth of your little girl. 

I feel your pain. My second DD was born almost two weeks ago due to PTL and it's been extremely hard to leave her at night. I spend most of my day at the hospital with her and then I come home and pump and try to spend the rest of the time with my older DD. I constantly ask myself why, why did this have to happen to me again and why couldn't I just have a full term baby. I'm grateful for the NICU, but I'm ready for my baby to come home. I constant cry and I worry all the time for her, but that's pretty much normally. I'm just waiting for the call from the doctor stating we can bring her home.

Hang in there Mama! 

ashk7

Thank you all for the reassuring posts! It's so helpful to know that I am not alone in how I feel. Because of course I felt guilty for having those feelings because we are so blessed in so many ways. Thanks again ladies, it's amazing how you can pull strength from people you have never met! 

Mrs Dougherty

my son was born at 26wks 1 day due to PTL/IC and  spent 77 days in the NICU i just had to keep my self sane all that time by keeping busy he was also in a NICU over an hour away so the hospital had a hotel you could stay in from 3 days a week so you didnt have to drive that everyday which helped me alot also because i was only 19 and he was my first. i just spent as much time as i could and i had one day a week where i didnt go to the hospital and kinda just re charged. i dried up after three weeks from stress so i dont know about pumping sorry. just hang in there she will be home before you know it.

GatorNurse

Congratulations on your sweet girl! Mia is a beautiful name! My DD Caroline was also 2 lb 6 oz & 14.5 in long! She was born at 28 w 3 d after I developed pre-eclampsia. Luckily, I was on hospital bed rest for six days and I also was able to get the steroid shots. For Baby C, she never weaned from her O2 and came home with it but we just ditched that mess last week

 As far as venting, go ahead. The ladies here are great and are a wealth of knowledge. We've all been there and I think most everyone can relate to the pump, visit, pump, visit, try to sleep, pump, etc etc routine. Sometimes it felt like thats all I had to grasp on to to "bond" with her when I was home, was pumping & doing the one thing I could actually DO for her. Having a support system is SO important. I STILL have girlfriends who Ive been friends with for 20 years who havent called, emailed, text, or anything really to reach out to me to see how Caroline & I are. Another friend said they just don't know what to say. My goodness, just call and ask how we are doing. How hard is that?! lol

I will tell you that my DD was in the NICU for 10 weeks and looking back, its all a blur. Having her home (and trust me, you'll get there!) has been amazing. Its definitely the light at the end of the tunnel. Best of luck to you for a quick and painless (as can be!) NICU journey!

Kristi1971

Congratulations on your Mia! 

I am so with you.  Having a child in NICU is so hard.  When my girls were in NICU, I didn't even get to hold them for several days.  And then only one girl one day, and the other the next.  It was so hard to visit with them and only stare at them through the glass.  (OOps..makes me teary now remembering.)  You just want them home, so you can do all the normal things moms and babies need to do during the first few weeks or so and you can't.  It's truly painful.  Vent away. 

I had a friend who gave birth to a full term baby just a few days later than myself.  I was so jealous of her ability to bring her LO home right away and do all those things.  I tried to be happy for her, but it made what I was doing even more painful. 

I just told myself every day that they needed the NICU right now to stay healthy, keep growing, and prepare for living at home in the real world.  I focused on each little victory every day.  I also used this time to heal as much as I could before my girls came home.  I thought about how difficult it would have been to hold my girls if they were heavier right after a c-section.  *strange thought but it helped me get through the situation*

 

HUGS