Visitors right after going back to work

mylittlesunshine

How would you feel about having your IL's come to see your new baby for about a week (for the first time) shortly after you go back to work? FWIW, I am going back when this baby is 6 weeks.

katiewhompus

It depends. My own in-laws would have driven me nuts. It was hard enough to juggle a newborn, laundry, work etc. without playing hostess as well.

If they are the type to help out (do laundry, have dinner ready) thats different.

hansa11

I agree with the pp.  Are they the types to pitch in and really help, not just hold the baby?  Will they be able to take care of your LO while you're working so you can delay starting daycare? 

My in-laws would actually be a wonderful help in this circumstance because I know they'd help with the grudge work of taking care of a family that has just welcomed a newborn. They cook, they clean, they'll run errands, etc.   My own parents would be a different story.  They expect to be entertained.  I just about dropped from exhaustion when they visited after my first was born, but I learned my lesson and asked them not to come until my second was at least a month old.  They didn't take that well, but I hadn't gone back to work at that point and it was still stressful, so I'm glad I was firm.

Sunidaze

All I know is this is one of very few reasons I'm happy for a tiny house.

mylittlesunshine

I think my problem is when I went back to work with DD I was suffering from PPD/PPA and I certainly wasn't ready to go back at  6 weeks pp. I am guessing that is when I am going back. My work allows up to 12, but it would be unpaid and we need the money.

My IL's have a tendency to rub me the wrong way a lot of times and sometimes have no boundaries and I am not all that comfortable with MIL and FIL watching a tiny baby. I would be ok if they had DD1 as she is older now. I realize I am a little bit of a control freak on this, but I don't want the added stress of the IL's plus trying to transition back to work given that the last time it was pretty hard on me to go back.

hansa11

Given what you wrote in your most recent post, it seems like having them visit at the point you're going back to work would not be what's best for you.  I completely missed that you already have a child, so you know what it will be like if they come to visit. 

I'd recommend trying to find a compromise, like having them come for a long weekend so they won't be put in a position of being able to watch the baby alone while you're at work, have them stay in a hotel, or come before you go back to work or well after - whatever will make their visit more manageable for you.  And maybe you don't need to even make the decision now.  I told my parents I wouldn't know when they could visit until after the baby was born and I knew what situation I was dealing with.  (I was attempting a VBAC, so ending up with a c-section and the recovery from that was a very real concern for me.) They weren't happy with that because they wanted to book their flights as far in advance as possible, but unless they wanted to instead plan their visit for months after my due date, that was the best I could offer. 

What does your husband think about his parents' visit? 

katiewhompus

In that case I would tell them that you need a bit more time to transition before the visit. Or (if they HAVE to come) suggest they stay in a hotel and are welcome to come visit for an hour or so.

I love my in-laws dearly but it was hard to visit with them during the first 6 months. They made me even more insecure with being a mom and were always questioning any of my decisions.

missnineteeneighty

katiewhompus:

I love my in-laws dearly but it was hard to visit with them during the first 6 months. They made me even more insecure with being a mom and were always questioning any of my decisions.

This.

FWIW, you know how your ILs are. If you are having doubts now, it's probably not a good idea for them to stay at your place.