LGBT Parenting

poll: how did/will/are you growing your family?

I'm new here and getting to know folks.

How did you grow your family?  (Or how are you doing it currently, or planning it for the future?)

Adoption?  Fostering?  Known donor?  At-home insemination?  Assisted insemination?  Blended family?

I'd love to hear all about it, if you don't mind sharing your stories.

The word you're looking for is SEX.  I promise.  No, it's not gender.  It's sex.  You're welcome.

Re: poll: how did/will/are you growing your family?

  • Warning - this might get long. But you asked for it ;)  

    When we were in the planning stages, it was always our intent to foster (possibly to adopt, but not necessarily) and to have my wife concieve via IUI with ID release sperm from a bank.  So three years ago we started out on both paths simultaneously.

    and then life happened Stick out tongue

    That first year was a nightmare.  The process to get licensed to foster was horrendously drawn out due to incompetent social workers, files getting lost, and an archaic and way overburdened system.  At the same time, we were discovering my wife's unexplained infertilty with many unsuccessful IUIs.

    After close to a year we finally got licensed to foster and got our first placements (3 1/2 yo boy and a 6 week old girl).  That same week we had our first IUI with an RE (we had previously been working with a midwife's office).  The IUIs continued to be unsuccessful and after a few months with the RE we tried our first IVF.  That was unsuccessful.

    So I decided I'd try to get pregnant and spent the summer into fall trying (IUIs with the same RE's office).  That didnt work either.

    After the break DW decided she was ready to TTC again and she underwent her second IVF. No go.

    All this time we were still fostering our two littles and falling more and more in love with them.  During the TWW of IVF #2, we were informed that they would be reunified with their mother. Cue heartbreak.

    2 weeks later we were reeling from the news of the IVF BFN (and learning that A likely wouldn't concieve without the use of donor eggs which was not an option we were interested in exploring) and preparing our hearts to say goodbye to our 2 foster babies who we loved more than life.   Then the phone rang.  It was the day after thanksgiving and we learned that our children's bio mom had another baby - total surprise to everyone (we did know she was pregnant, but didnt think she was that far along at all).

    We welcomed the new baby and decided to be finished with trying to concieve.  Months passed, everything changed with the case, reunification plans were scratched and we were named the children's pre-adoptive placement.

    Fast forward to now.  We have 3 awesome kids who we plan to adopt the second week of April!

  • ctbride - your post made me cry!  (in the good way).  I had picked up bits and pieces of your story (by lurking) but had never heard it soup to nuts.

    Many, many congratulations and fingers crossed for a smooth proceeding (if that's even the right word) in April!

    The word you're looking for is SEX.  I promise.  No, it's not gender.  It's sex.  You're welcome.
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  • Our story -

    My partner and I have been together since 2006.  We married in 2008.  We recently decided to TTC and did our first inseminations last week.

    My partner will be the carrier because at age 31 she's a spring chicken compared to me (42).  

    We're doing at-home ICI, a technique taught to us by our midwife (who we've seen a few times for a pre-conception workup and etc.)  We're using anonymous donor sperm from a local cryobank.

    We're temping and tracking CM and CP, and adding OPKs when she gets close to ovulation.

    We're in the middle of our first official TWW!

    The word you're looking for is SEX.  I promise.  No, it's not gender.  It's sex.  You're welcome.
  • Our original plan was for my wife to have our first child and then I would have our second. And then like CT, life happened.

    Rewind back to the winter of 2002 (yep, 10y ago.) The same week my wife had her first RE appt (she was going directly to a RE due to age) her job was eliminated (well, actually relocated to LA, but we weren't going to move.) That put TTC on the back burner for over a year because during that time, she was an independent contractor with us paying insurance OOP. Also, during that time, her younger sister gave birth to a baby with Down Syndrome, L was diagnosed with uterine fibroids, L got a new job with full benefits, and I started one job, quit, and started a new job.

    All of a sudden it was spring of 2004 and we felt life was settled enough to start TTC. L decided that due to her age, her younger sister having a son with DS (thus making the reality all the more real), and the uterine fibroids she would forgo TTC. It was a tough decision for her since she always thought that she would have the opportunity to be pregnant.

    In spring of 2004 we started TTC with me. We did 2 cycles of  ICIs at home with frozen sperm. And then over the next 17m (we took several months off for testing, and regrouping emotionally, physically, and financially), we did 7 IUIs with increasing levels of intervention (starting with no meds aside from the trigger, to Clomid with trigger, and finally injectibles with trigger.) I got pregnant in Sept 2005 with twin boys and gave birth May 2006.

    Now we have almost 6y old twin boys. We'd always planned on having 2 kids and we got them in one fell swoop. We've never entertained the idea of having more kids. We feel that we are done.

    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
  • We started our family in the exact same route as ct.  IUI unmedicated with identity release donor sperm at the midwife.  We were very lucky and became pregnant with our dd on our third try. Our original plan was that I would carry the first baby and then my dw would carry the next.  We were wanting to have me carry a third and have the kids about 2 years apart.  We were pregnant in Jan and due in late September.  All was going well until dw was laid off from her job in May and then I delivered prematurely 6 weeks later at 30 weeks.  DW then took the next year off so that she could stay home with dd since she was in isolation for the first year and was unable to go to daycare.  The next fall dw started grad school and will graduate in May.  DD will be three this summer so obviously our every two year plan is blown.  We are now starting to think about when to start trying for #2.  I am not a candidate for another pregnancy (I had HELLP syndrome and it would most likely develop pre-e again and do not want to risk my health or the strong likelyhood of another preemie) so we will be done after my wife has a baby (or just have dd if she can not get pregnant).
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  • We had decided to try at home insemination with a known donor*. We started in April 2009. After 8 months (not 8 cycles as my cycles are like 7 weeks long on average) we were successful. We welcomed our baby girl, Kylie, into the world in July 2010.

    We decided we wanted babies close in age and I started ttc with same known donor at home in January 2011. After about three cycles it became obvious I was not ovulating (I have PCOS so not much of a surpirse since I gained a bit of weight after I had Ky). After some talks, DW decided she would carry and tried for 4 months/cycles. She was not successful and was starting to have a bit of a change of heart about carrying (she is very butch) and we had a donor change. I went ot the doctor and got put on Clomid. I started at 50mg and went all the way to 150mg with no O. Next step was an RE and since infertility is NOT covered on my insurance we reevaluated and decided DW would try again.

    We just had her second at home insemination St Patrick's weekend.

    * While we have a known donor there is no contact between him and any resulting offspring. This is the agreement we have with both Ky's donor and the potential sibling's donor. In essence they (I say they because our originial KD decided he was no longer willing while ttc#2) are closer to a not willing to be known sperm bank donor only fresher.  

     

    imageLilypie Third Birthday tickers
  • CT, what a great story! I loved learning more about each of your journeys!

    My wife and I met in 2006 and were married that same year. We knew that we eventually wanted to have kids. We explored an option with a known donor at the time who wanted to have children and his partner felt that he himself was too old and the idea was shot down. Looking back now, I'm so glad it happened this way. We decided then to look at the more expensive option of using a sperm bank. The decision for me to carry feels like it was just a given...I am younger than my wife, but only by 4 years. At the time, I was 24. I was fine with being the one to carry the child(ren). After choosing a donor, we used one clinic for the first three IUI attempts. We made a personal decision to switch clinics and we had another 3 IUI's at this clinic. On that 6th IUI, we got pregnant with DD (October 2008). I never had any known infertility issues. I think with the first clinic, there were some timing issues and we didn't feel like they did all that they were supposed to with each procedure. Again, I'm glad it worked out this way. We are very pleased with our RE at the clinic we used with success. We knew we wanted at least one more child.  For a while there, I wanted 3...now I 99% sure I'm fine with 2 lol. While I was in my third trimester with DD, I received a call from the sperm bank to let us know that our donor had to be retired from the program because of a known neural tube defect found in another woman's pregnancy. I cried and cried that day. I was so disappointed that we wouldn't be able to use the same donor for DD's sibling later on. I still think about this sometimes, but it doesn't hurt anymore. Last July (2011), I was laid off from my job and we had been asked when we were going to have another child. Unlike most couples, we thought this might be the right time to TTC because of all the potential appointments that I might have to go on just to get there and then the OB appointments once I hopefully got pregnant again. So, we decided to try in September of last year and low and behold, the first IUI attempt worked for us! Again, we found out we were pregnant in October. DS's due date is 5 days later that DD's due date. I will mention DD was a month early. I had her at 36wk and 3 days. I feel like DS will be early too...just not sure how early. Either way, their B'days will be really close! We are very excited!

  • We met in 2005 and got married in 2007. We planned that I would carry (C has no interest) and we'd have two kids (a compromise), about 3 years apart (ideally). After I started grad school, we bought and stored ID-release sperm with the plan was to ttc while I was in school so that we'd have the baby shortly after my graduation (ha!). We tried a few times in the midst of selling our condo, buying a house, moving, working on my thesis, etc. It was clear (to C before me) that the stress was greater than ideal and we took a break. This decision was really hard for me, but ultimately the right one at the time.

    Life continued to happen, we settled into our house, I graduated, we traveled, I focus on my work/growing my business. C was laid off, then unemployed for a few months before finding a new job. It was another stressful time and we focused on our relationship and saving money again. Last year I decided that before I got pregnant I wanted to be healthier. I've spent the last six months doing that.

    Somehow 2.5 years(!) went by and here we are. I'm 29 and C is 28, so I know we theoretically have some time, but the desire to ttc has been such a back-burner-yet-never-really-off-my-mind thing for so long. We discuss it regularly and our hold ups now are C's potential career transition, wanting a bit more financial stability and my 2013 career plans (not giving birth July 2013). If things line up right, we may try one or two cycles this spring/early summer, otherwise it will most likely be late 2012/early 2013. The plan is to continue to do at a few more home insems, but move to an RE for monitoring (and perhaps trigger/meds) within a few cycles.

    Met 07/07/05, Wedding 07/07/07, Legal Marriage Ceremony 12/9/12, Baby Boy Born 08/09/13 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Mine is going to be pretty short and sweet. We're in the very beginning of our TTC journey. 

    We have been talking about starting a family for almost two years now. We finally decided that we wanted to start the TTC process in December and begin actually inseminating in March. From December on I would begin charting my cycles so we could get to know them.

    J has always been very honest about not wanting to carry. She has very irregular cycles and no hips, lol. It's a running joke that she looks like a male from behind!  This hasn't been a problem with us because I've always wanted to carry anyway.

    So, we've been charting and using OPKs since deciding to TTC and had our first insemination with a known donor over the weekend. We're very hopeful, but I'm not sure that we got the timing perfect. Only time will tell! 

    Just like with twomommies, we have a contract with the known donor stating that we will be the parents and he will have no contact with the child(ren).  

    *BFP #1-10/20/2012 EDD 7/4/2013*
    *DS 6/28/2013*
  • We met in 1999, got married in 2006, and started TTC in 2008. We thought about it before then, but I wanted to wait until I was done with grad school. It was always assumed that I would carry (J never wanted to be pregnant, and she smokes). We did 13 (yes, 13!) medicated IUIs with AD sperm. I had one miscarriage at 5 weeks, but the other 12 were BFN. Serious emotional roller coaster for 2 years. During that time, I decided to start law school. Since I also work full-time, I was afraid that the stress would keep me from ever getting pregnant.

    We tried IVF last spring (during finals!!) and BFP! (I think the acupuncture helped, too, if anyone is considering trying it.) After a somewhat eventful pregnancy and scary delivery, we have our beautiful, amazing twins! We are considering trying for a third (we have 2 "frosties") in a couple of years.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • It's been fun to read everyone else's stories -- I know some/most of these, but I like getting a refresher!

    I was never one of those girls/women who always wanted children -- as a young adult, I didn't want kids at all, and my feelings have evolved over the years.  I met my wife in 2005 and we were married in 2007.  By that point we knew we wanted a family, but I had just started a graduate program and then we moved across the country, so even if we'd wanted to, it wasn't the right time.  We moved back in 2009, bought our home, and started getting settled.  I started WW because I wanted to lose weight before getting pregnant.  Two years later I reached goal, our finances were in order, and we were ready.

    We chose a midwife AI practice and had our consult in May 2011.  By July we were supposed to start insems but I missed ovulation and we ended up doing our first IUI in August.  We've taken a month of here and there (ovulated while out of town in October; took December off to regroup), but have been actively TTC ever since.  After 4 BFNs with the midwives, we switched to an RE.  My 6th IUI was Wednesday, so I'm now 2wwing again.  We are using an ID-release donor from a cryobank, and are very attached to our donor.  My wife never wanted to carry -- she is on the butch side of the spectrum and has no interest in being pregnant -- so I will be carrying any children we have.

    My cycles are still considered "natural" cycles by the RE's definition because I have not taken Clomid or anything like that, but we do use HCG triggers and this cycle I am on progesterone for the first time.  If this cycle doesn't work, I think I'm going to take April off, but cycle 7 will probably be medicated (Clomid) and we may switch to a different donor.

    We are agreed on two kids max -- the only way around that would be if we had twins on a 2nd pregnancy.  If our 1st pregnancy ends up being twins, we will be done.  We are hoping to use the same donor for all kids.

    Married my wife 8/2007 ~ TTC #1 since 7/2011
    9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
    IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
    ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
    FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
    Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
    FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
    EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
    *Everyone welcome*

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • We had originally planned to use DH's brother as a KD, but that fell through after said brother had his first child. It ended up being a huge blessing, and I think we dodged the bullet on that one :-)

    So we ended up using an unknown donor through Fairfax, bought 6 vials because we figured we would then have enough sperm to have plenty of kids (we both want a large family). We started with three medicated IUI's (varying meds) all BFN. Because I have great fertility coverage we decided to move to IVF because our chances were higher with no additional cost.

    We did our fresh IVF cycle in September and I had a chemical pregnancy from that transfer. We still had 8 embryos in the freezer, so since November we've transferred 6 of the 8 and we're on the last FET cycle now.

    I found out that my egg quality isn't great, so I've been on vitamins to hopefully help with that. My RE also thinks it may be beneficial to have a hysteroscopy just to make sure my uterus is in good shape. Our plan is to transfer the last two embies, and if they don't work take a little time off. Possibly do another IUI before eventually moving on to another IVF if necessary.

    We've also been pursuing Foster/Adopt, we had our first class this week. We've also contacted some adoption agencies. We can't afford to adopt outright this year, but if nothing else comes through by next year we'll pursue that more diligently. 

    IUI #1 (50 mg clomid and ovidrel) - BFN
    IUI #2 (100 mg clomid and HCG trigger) - BFN
    IUI #3 (Gonal-f and HCG trigger) - BFN
    IVF #1 - 21 retrieved, 20 mature, 15 fertilized (ICSI), 2 d5 blasts transferred, 8 frozen - c/p
    FET #1 - BFFN
    FET #2 - BFN? c/p? Either way no baby
    FET #3 - No shock...BFN
    FET #4 - BFN :-(
    Surgery and TTC cancelled - pursuing surrogacy
    7/31/12 Surrogate got a +HPT!!!! BabyFruit Ticker
  • We started dating in 2000, got married in 2004, and started TTC early last summer (2011). Jen is older than me - although only by 14.5 months - so she went first. We did 2 unmedicated IUIs using an ID Release donor (info released to child at age 18), both BFNs. We used 50mg of Clomid and a trigger for the third IUI and it resulted in our current twin pregnancy, which is going very well. The IUIs were done by an RE and we switched to an MFM at 8 weeks (no OB, since our MFM also delivers).

    At this time we're undecided on whether we'll have more kids after these two. If we do, I will be the one to try (and carry, if we get lucky). We have 7 or 8 vials left of the donor we used for the twins, and if we run out with no pregnancy, we may quit there or switch to someone else. I'm OK with switching, but I have a feeling we might be emotionally and financially done if we run through what we have now.  

    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
  • We've been together since 2004, married in 2010.  Last spring we started charting/prenatal vitamins/etc.  Last summer we first visited the RE, and we started medicated IUI cycles with the RE in September.  We aspire for me to become pregnant with our ID-release sperm bank donor.  If we have a singleton we'll decide later down the road whether DW will carry a second pregnancy or if I would try again.  If we end up with twins the first time we'd have a lot of difficult conversations to have.  I don't know yet at what point we would switch to her uterus, but the only reason not to is that I desperately want to be pregnant.  She's probably a lot more fertile than me, but we haven't done any of the testing. (We're the same age so that is not a factor.)
    TTC with PCOS since July 2011.
    IVF Oct/Nov 2012
    Beta #1 = 77, Beta #2 = 190, Beta #3 = 1044
    Cautiously optimistic.
  • I'm so glad I started this thread!  Thanks so much for sharing your stories.  Keep them coming!
    The word you're looking for is SEX.  I promise.  No, it's not gender.  It's sex.  You're welcome.
  • We've been together since 2001, married in 2008, and TTC since late 2011.  I have always wanted to adopt and have bio kids, but once we found out the cost, we decided to put that decision off.  We started out with an RE, IUI's with ID- release DS.  We gradually added more IUIs per cycle and a trigger shot.  I had 1 chemical pregnancy.  After 4 cycles we decided to try at home a few times.  Those didn't work, I was going through some pretty major health issues and other stresses in my life.  My cycle got screwy for the first time in my life (well, since charting).  We saved back up and went to a new RE last month. I finally also convinced K that we should foster (that the heartbreak wouldn't kill me), and we went to a meeting.  So now we're moving forward with both fostering and TTC.  Our plan is either Clomid or Femara, hcG trigger, and IUI (still with ID-release donor sperm).
  • hlkehlke member

    We're at the beginning of our TTC journey.  When we first started talking about TTC, we figured I would carry, as C had no interest and some anxiety/fear around pregnancy.  But the more we talked about it, the more she opened up to the idea of carrying.  While I really would like to carry a child, I have several health issues that will make pregnancy more difficult to achieve and more risky once I have conceived.  C is older than me (she's 34, I'm 31) so she decided that she should try now, and I can carry second if I'm able to get pregnant.

     We are using a known donor who we plan to have a "special uncle" role in our potential children's lives.  It has been a great process for us so far, with a lot of trust and open communication.  C wanted to use a known donor, and the communication has made me feel much more comfortable with the process.

    We're starting with home inseminations with fresh sperm.  Our future plans are flexible, as we have no idea what this process will bring.  I would really like to have two children if at all possible, either bio children or through adoption.

    Same sex couple TTC with donor sperm.  I am 35 and carrying.  Endometriosis and DOR.
    AMH 0.5, AFC 5-8, FSH 7ish

    IVF #1 - antagonist.  Empty follicle syndrome.  1 retrieved, 0 fertilized.
    IVF #2 - antagonist.  Ovulated early.  3 retrieved, 2 fertilized, 0 blasts
  • We met in 2003 and did a year of long distance.  Msrried in our real wedding in 2008 and married in our legal DC wedding in 2010.  Were going to start TTC in late 2010 but that was but on hold after my mom had a stroke.  She is better but it was a busy stressful time for us.  Fast forward to Fall 2011 and three BFN after IUIs with trigger and last two with Clomid.  DW ran out of leave at work so we are on pause.  She is a teacher so we have decided to do two more IUIs this coming summer while we are both on school break.  In the meantime we are ecploring adoption options and are going to start that process this summer as well.
    We had three BFN in the Fall of 2011. It is back on to some baby making come June. Swim little fellas, SWIM!!!!
  • We met in 2005 and were married in 2007.  We purchased a condo together in 2006, which we now have as a rental, and purchased our current home in 2009.

    We started TTC in 2007.  We initially used a Non-ID consent donor, but he had quite a bit of info and some pictures available.  We purchased quite a few units thinking we would each have one child with this sperm.  The counts were horrible, and didn't even meet the criteria that the sperm bank guaranteed.  They refunded a minimal amount of money for the units that were crappy and already used.  After 5 IUI's at an RE, 3 un-medicated and 2 medicated (with two in-sems each cycle) we returned the remaining sperm.  We lost a lot of money and took about a year off.

    Sometime in 2009 we started with a new donor that was completely anonymous.  No photos, just the basic health information.  We started back right away with medicated in-sems at the RE this time with injectables.  We went with the same plan of 2 in-sems per cycle and it's debatable whether we did 4 or 5 more cycles.  We had another slew of BFN's & were pretty depressed about it all.

    Our RE was pushing IVF, but we knew that our insurance didn't cover any of it, even meds and the cost would be $12k+.  We debated doing the shared risk program, because you get 3 chances and if it didn't work you get part of the money back.  The problem?  It's $25k and that would be all out of pocket.  We started saving money and doing a lot of praying.  We decided to go with the one chance IVF and started in 7/2011. 

    We switched donors, now to our 3rd donor, and ID consent donor.  We retrieved 7 eggs, which was good but a little disappointing after hearing stories of people retrieving 20-30+ eggs.  We ended up with 5 embryos.  On day 5 our RE put in the 2 best.  Neither of them were blastocyst, which made it a little worrisome.  The other 3 embryos ended up collapsing the next day, so we were all in!  But we put our trust in God, and 8-9 months later after an intensely complicated pregnancy with 6 months of bed rest, here we are!  We feel SO blessed and we are so in love.  It makes the 5 years of disappointment, heart break, and $$$ SO worth it.

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