Help with EOW schedule and weekend activities?
I am helping DH make some visitation changes. They are moving to a traditional EOW schedule from something really complicated (the court already agrees with the general change). We are trying to figure out what others do, however, with respect to certain activities that only take place on weekends. DH's ex doesn't cooperate much at all, talk to him, etc. so the answer is not as easy as "just ask for cooperation."
For example, SS's basketball league practices every Sunday afternoon and there is no other time during the week it meets. When it goes to an EOW schedule, this would mean he has to miss every other practice/game as we don't really expect cooperation during her weekends.
How do others handle a situation like this? Do you just suck it up and expect that SS will have to miss 50% of the activity? Have you found some terrific solution that you wouldn't mind sharing?
Re: Help with EOW schedule and weekend activities?
I don't have any magical suggestion, sorry. My husband and I have a similar issue with my bonus daughter. BM refuses to participate in K's karate. At all. It generally only takes place during my husband's custodial time, but her belt tests have landed on BM's Fridays a couple times. We basically just inform the studio when BM refuses to bring K and reschedule. The instructors have been incredibly understanding, as we're not the only blended family.
Your husband might want to start that discussion with BM as well as the Coach prior to the change in visitation. Give BM the chance to surprise you (you never know, it might happen) and if she refuses to take SS on her weekends, there's not much your husband can do other than let the Coach know the situation. I keep believing that eventually all 3 of us (me, my husband and BM) will be able to work together for K. Fingers crossed that you 3 will too. Good luck.
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This is exactly what I was going to say. Don't put your SS in the middle, but maybe hearing it come from him will help make BM come around. I hope she does for his sake! It's awful when parents can't get over themselves long enough to do what's right for their child.
With my DD, her dad (he has EOWend) never cooperates with weekend activites, therefore I never sign her up for any sports/activites that fall on weekends. She has done swimming and musical theater in the past because they are weekday. This year she is in middle school and in band so she's not signed up for anything extracurricular besides girl scouts. To give you an idea, she earned an overnight trip (1 night only) out of state in April for selling over 1,000 boxes of cookies. It's on her dad's weekend. When she asked him about going, he said he would need to swap weekends with me....which is fine, but he doesn't seem to understand that it's okay for her to miss a little time with him for her to do something she wants to do once in a while and that he can be responsible to get her to and from the activity.
With my SKs, we have them EOWend. They are all 3 in sports. Last fall they played 3 different sports: football, softball, baseball. They tend to have overlapping games. We have to work closely with BM to see that each kid gets to their game on time every weekend (not just on our weekends) because we all can't be 3 places at once. The boys started baseball and SD started softball this week. They've never played spring sports before, she usually crams them all into fall only. My only complaint is that BM doesn't discuss with us the details before signing them up. If they lived with us, we would still let them play sports but some would play fall sports and some would play spring to try to make it a little less hectic. Last fall, we had 6 games in one week and that doesn't include practices....
I have no idea how we are going to be able to do 4 kids in sports when it's time for DS to start sports if they are signed up for something every season.
are you guys in the middle of your court proceedings? if thats the case, requst that it be written into the new CO that SC gets brought to all activites regardless of who's weekend it is (this will somewhat depend on if you are close enough that the travel is worth it)
you can even word it so that BM can't go when its your time and DH can't go when its his time if they cannot get along even in public.
I would also suggest a line saying both parents have to consent to the activity however this can get tricky because obviously BM can just say no to avoid having to bring SC during hr weekend, or she could attempt to sign SC up for something else during the same time....
just thought I would suggest it atleast
We haven't had this issue because we have a fairly good relationship with BM. However, my best advice is to get it written in the court order. As in:
Party 1 (DH) is to have SS on even weekends, party 2 on odd weekends. SS is to be transported to X activity at X time on X weekends.
If she doesn't comply you can file for contempt.