"I know how you feel"

akraxner

Warning- I am going to vent!

 I have been TTC since August last year, and finally last month I got a BFP only to be completely heartbroken by a very early MC.  I am getting very frustrated and tired of trying and I seem to see babies everywhere.  I am constantly getting those horrible comments like "It  will happen when its meant to happen" and "God has a plan".  I just want to scream at people.  The worst however was the other day when I was expressing my dissappointment with my mother and sister-in-law to be in the car.  I was explaining that I just hate how people who do drugs or aren't ready for a baby, like teenagers seem to get pregant so easy and I don't.  And then I said it just sucks that I had that bliss of being pregnant for such a for period of time and it was taken away from me.  Then she did it.  She said, "I know how you feel".  When in fact she has absolutely NO idea how I feel because she has never once been pregnant or ever even tried!  Then I made the mistake of pointing out to her that she had no idea what it was like.  She then made a big deal of how rude it is to say that.  Is it just me or does anyone else hate hearing those "encouraging" statements and some not so encouraging statements when you are frustrated and just want a baby already???

 Ok.  Sorry.  I am done ranting now. 

kristykay123

Sorry for your loss. I think sometimes people say, "I'm sorry, I know how you feel" because they don't know what else to say. I think she was probably just trying to be there for you and say something to show her support without upsetting you. Some people say that to me about my disability and struggles that I've been through when I know damn well they have no idea how I feel and for sure cannot relate. I don't take offense to it though. 

MrsKS25

I can sympathize with how you feel. I m/c'd at 20 weeks 3 years ago. I was devastated. By the time I was ready to go back to work, I'd hear that "I know how you feel" a lot. It drove me nuts, some days i just wanted to punch my co-workers (which in my line of work isn't necessarily a good idea higher ranks and all).  

MeganMPQ

There are many many days when I feel like I could have vented out this message word for word, so I have a feeling that your thoughts and frustrations are felt by many of us that are experiencing the fact that taking pregnant takes a little longer than they always seemed to say it did in high school health class. 

I work in a setting where we deal with many young people, mostly single mothers that have several children that were most certainly not planned for and at times it seems, that they don't even want now.  It can be so so very challenging to get through the "Why them and not me?" emotions as you describe above and to try to understand why they would be blessed with a child at a time when they are unprepared for it, when you are fully prepared financially, emotionally, etc. to provide a loving family/home for a child.

I am also with you on the stabbing pain that you feel each time someone provides "encouraging words".  Like some others have said, it's important for us to remember that those people love us and want us to feel better and are usually genuinely trying to comfort you.  Although I personally am very challenged by the people that tell you "You just need to relax and not think about it, that's how I got pregnant", when those that have said it were pregnant the first few months they were trying. 

Just know you're not alone in your experiences and frustrations!!

Good luck in your continued efforts to start a family.  

StaceyS123

I haven't been trying as long as you have, but I understand the frustration from the comments people say. All the cliches of it will happen when it will happen. These people just need to listen and be supportive. People don't understand the emotinal toil it has on you every month that goes by and you get the dreaded AF, so please rant all you want.

Good luck!

angelsnight

I'm so sorry, I know it can be very frustrating.  However I think people are just at a loss as to what to say and they end up sticking their foot in their mouth.  Honestly if I weren't going through difficulty getting pregnant and having had a MC I would have no idea what to say to someone to comfort them.

I know you can't go back in time, but this is why many of us don't disclose our TTC plans with many people because we don't want to hear the constant comments.  However I only knew about my pregnancy for four days before I miscarried, so I didn't even get the chance to tell many people....if I had already announced it and then had to "un-announce" I am sure I would be dealing with comments and attempted comfort.  I'm so sorry for your loss.

beth9409

((hugs))