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1st Trimester
In trouble...
Not sure what I am going to do. I found out I was pregnant a few weeks back. I was always told it would be very hard if not impossible for me to get pregnant so that fact I was able to with out trying was a miracle. The problem was I immediately became fearful because I knew how my boyfriend felt about having children right now. I knew he was very against having a child. I tearfully told him the situation and he instantly told me I was getting an abortion and had no choice. I have always been against having an 'a.' I would never judge a woman for having one but for myself I know deep down I can't. He was so upset I told him I would but in the back of my mind I couldn't convince myself. I have a good friend who had it done and it tore her up. 5 years later she is still affected. She forbids me from having it done because she knows how I am and my views. Through this experience my boyfriend has become increasingly more angry and irrational. He told me that if I decided to keep the baby his life is over and he wouldn't face one more day. He said that he has been preparing to take his life if I don't get an 'a.' He's clearly insane and I am afraid he is going to hurt me. He hasn't threatened but if he could think this way what is stopping him? I feel my first job is to protect me and the baby. Should I pack up and move? but how do I get a another job with health insurance if I am pregnant? Are there programs for relocating pregnant women in my situation?
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Re: In trouble...
wow, thats a lot to handle all at once. i can't imagine how you must be feeling. get out of there sooner rather than later. He does have mental health issues if he is talking suicide especially since he's blaming it on you and the baby. his problems are not your fault or your baby's! contact friends and family that you could possibly stay with.
Def look into the moms & babys, wic, food stamps, all the government programs that may be available to you. Im not proud of it, but my 1st pregnancy was when i was single, poor, and public aid was my only option. I'm in a very different spot now, but that program is there for a reason.
Don't let that scum bf guilt you into getting an abortion when you do not want one.
i agree with this completely. It certainly doesn't seem like a relationship that is going to be safe for you and your baby. there are several state programs that you can take advantage of that will help you out.
i wish you the best of luck. let us know how things turn out.
You need to get up and leave. You should get in contact with family and police. Especially if you're fearful of being hurts. No one deserves that. Please get help...
You deserve to be happy and the fact that becoming pregnant was suppose to be really hard for you makes it all the worse. Protect yourself and this miracle baby.
Goodluck!! You're in my prayers
Sweetheart if you want to keep that baby you KEEP IT!
...and please...get out now. He sounds like a manipulative influence in your life. Even if he starts "being nice," are you sure you want this man to be a part of your life and your baby's?
Leave. Now. Like. Now.
Do not let this man guilt you into terminating. If he cared for you at all, and was a real man - he would be supportive and figure out how to make it work, especially since they may be your only chance of having a baby.
Find a friend or family member you can stay with. Notify police if you think it's necessary, but this situation is toxic, with or without a child to think about.
There are programs, etc that can help until you figure out what to do next, and that's OK. This child is a miracle, and you have to keep yourself safe and healthy in order for the baby to thrive as well.
Best of luck to you and your future LO.
Make a pregnancy ticker
Find a women's shelter. I should think threats against your pregnancy is enough to find support there. (I could be wrong. I hope another poster can verify.) Document as much as possible, especially if he sends you emails or text messages. They can later be used if legal measures are necessary.
Be safe! Don't worry about anyone other than yourself right now.
domestic hotlines are going to be a great resource for you right now. they can direct you in terms of coming up with a SAFE plan to leave (like how to leave without him knowing), and can advise a little better than us RE: whether leaving the state might be necessary. honestly, it sounds like it might be... just to be safe, and just to make sure nothing happens to you or the baby. but call one of these numbers and discuss it with them before making a decision.
1 800 799 SAFE
1 888 7 HELPLINE
also, what the nurse said was right on--the rates of violence go up substantially when a woman is pregnant (i am a social worker and used to work in a domestic violence shelter).
protect yourself and be careful! make sure you call one of those numbers discreetly, so he wont be able to track the call (if you live together).
im sending you vibes and lots of love.
Call the police. Now. Not tomorrow, but now. He's threatening you, your unborn child, and himself.
They will keep him safe and away from you. THEN you contact family/friends to get the support. If he doesn't come down from his "I don't want this child to be born" stance after being treated, THEN contact women's shelters, etc.
He isn't well. No rational person would put this on anyone. I hope you stay safe and he gets the help he needs.
Everything she said!
My mom was in a similar situation with my dad and the baby he wanted her to abort? Yea, that was me. He eventually said it was ok (I actually think my mom was too far into the pregnancy to abort.) For my entire childhood, he was physically abusive to my mom & I. My mom was so scared and she didn't know how to get out of the situation, and endured their marriage for 17 years. It doesn't get better when the man is threatening like that!
You and your miracle baby don't deserve this situation or that life! Ask some friends or family if you can stay with them for awhile. This is a situation that you need to get out of immediately! I do recommend however, that you go somewhere that he can't find you just for your & the baby's safety. You don't need him showing up at a friend or family member house, it'll just escalate the situation a lot faster. I know that for some accepting government assistance is not their ideal situation, but it's available for a reason. They can get you on insurance, help you with food, and even help you with housing to some degree. He needs professional help and you need to do what is best for you and your baby!
Please for the safety of you and your miracle baby, get out of this situation! If he does anything to hurt you or himself, please call the cops IMMEDIATELY! You can even move your stuff out while he's at work and local police can escort you just in case he comes home. They did that when my mom finally left and had no problem doing it because it was a huge safety risk. Just let them know the situation and they will help you with an escort. I really hope that you can get out of this situation very soon and raise your miracle baby! Best of luck to you!
Everyone here has had such information for you.
Please leave him and take care of yourself and your little babies life. It may not be easy at times, but you are saving & protecting your littles ones life. Leave now, plan for the future, and get help. My thoughts are with you. You CAN do this. Don't let him persuade you one way or another.
Big sister meeting little brother for the first time-
<a href="http://s326.photobucket.com/albums/k409/YellowMiles/?action=view
Yes, there are resources. But first, let me offer two suggestions:
1. Consider deleting your Internet history if he has access to your computer, or do this from another computer if he could be monitoring it. I don't mean to scare you ? it's just a common precaution for women who are threatened.
2. Please call your local or national domestic violence hotline even if you have family options out of state. Or police, and ask specifically for a victims' advocate ? not just a patrol officer. They will be more sensitive to the situation. Controlling men can be unpredictable when they lose control. Again, I'm not trying to scare you. I'm just suggesting that you do this by the book, with help. Leaving can be difficult, and you don't want him threatening your friends and family who may know where you go. If you are imagining him stalking you to your local family and friends, he does sound dangerous.
OK, resources:
Here is the National Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org/ Phone numbers and links appear on the first page.
Your state should have a domestic violence council or coalition of some sort. Just google Alabama Domestic Violence or Alaska Domestic Violence or whatever your state is.
It will be important to have advocates in your home state and in the state you move to, just to help you secure insurance and potential unemployment benefits. Don't let it delay your departure, but make contacts as soon as you can, just to avoid any legal mistakes that could make it harder to get benefits you are entitled to. This is another reason it might be good to get a police call or hotline call on the record before you move.
You might feel like you can't believe your life now involves cops and unemployment and all this bad stuff, but DV happens in all income brackets and education levels, and to extremely responsible women. You and your baby will be OK. It may not be how you expect, but it will be OK.
Finally, congratulations. :-) I think you will be able to enjoy being pregnant very soon.
I thought of this the other day and just wanted to put it out there. You probably do not want to tell anyone that you are leaving and where you are going. You do not want him to find out before you actually go and you do not want him to pressure someone in to telling him where you went. That includes work. If you feel bad about it, you can tell work after you have left, but you just don't want anyone to tip him off. Good luck!