Trying to be happy about the new baby but struggling.....
I realize this is going to probably sound really bad but it's how I feel. If you think I need to seek help then please say so as I am not sure what I am feeling is normal or not.
The more I think about it, the more and more I become unhappy about my unborn daughter. I know it is not her fault things are the way they are for me and I know I will adore her when she arrives. But right now? I feel like I'm forcing myself to be happy. All I can see is me by myself raising 2u2 and losing my mind. My ex is in prison and I won't be receiving ANY type of CS from him for an extremely long time if ever. I'm panicking because I don't know how I am going to afford her healthcare and having to move my son to daycare 3-4 days a week (I bring him to work with me currently but can't when #2 arrives). I feel like my son will be hurt and feel as if I am not caring about him as much. The thought of toting around a toddler and a carseat makes my head spin. I do have family but they are not nearly as "helpful" as I wish they were. For instance, ex was in jail for the first month of DS's life. My mom only came to visit me one time for about 30 minutes. She offered to hold DS while I did my dishes. That was the only help I got.
I want to breastfeed for a year like I did with my son but I feel like I just won't have the time or the energy to do it. I remember how much work it was with my son. I feel like I won't be able to give this baby everything she needs to have a happy life. It's scary to say but I am almost depressed about it. I look at my life and know I can provide wonderfully for my son but the thought of having to do it all for 2 kids scares me so much. If I truly had it my way I would want it to be just me and my little boy. I feel so unbelievably bad about it and feel like a horrible mother.
I do love her and I know I'll fall madly in love the second I lay eyes on her. But I fear so bad about what the future holds and how I am going to survive. I know I'll make it, but the struggle is terrifying to me. I barely have a social life with just my little boy. What I do have of one now I expect will be completely gone with two babies.
Am I going crazy here? Is this some sort of pregnancy depression? I don't find myself sad about anything else in my life and am very very close with my son. I laugh and smile daily, go out places and overall live happily. The only thing I'm sad about is thinking about having another child.
Should I seek help? Has anyone else felt like this? I thought it would get better but as my pregnancy progresses I find myself feeling worse about it. Zero excitement, only fear.
Re: Trying to be happy about the new baby but struggling.....
Breathe and give yourself a break.
1. Second babies most of the time are a little easier b/c you know how to take care of a newborn, you have experience, recovery is even easier.
2. Different baby, different situation, different lifestyle...doesn't mean wrong or bad just different and your Daughter will not know the supposed be life ...she will jsut know this one so stop comparing just give her the life she has and she will be happy.
3. You have a lot on your plate it's okay to be overwhelmed and you might benefit from checking in w/ your ob and letting them know of your fear stress and lack of excitement.
5. Check to see if your state has a CHiP program you can get both children's health care, if not go to WIC.
6. It's okay if you don't fall immediately in love with your child when she is born so don't pin your hopes on that and then think there is something wrong with you if you don't have that instant love moment. True stroy: I had that immediate she's so beautiful instant love connection with my first born. My second I didn't and I felt terrible and guilty, I didn't fall in love with him until he was nearly a couple months old and was able to hold a gaze at me. (my son is autistic and I didn't realize it at the time but he truely didn't recognize me before like typical babies) But he was a different baby, I was in a different situation, I was at the beginning of the end of my marriage and he was a "fixer" baby. My x didn't hit me if he thought I was pg so ...I had another baby....anyway point is it's okay to fall in love with your child in a different way than what you did previously or how you expect to,
7. You're not crazy you're overwhelmed
8. one day get through one day, then get through the next day. You can't live in the past or the future only today.
Thank you so much for your calming words and advice Sweetie. I do know that I am overwhelming myself by thinking about every scary scenario at once.
Regardless I do plan on mentioning something to my OB just in case it's something they want to look into further. But for now, I guess it's just one step at a time. I'm very glad to know that not everyone has that instant LOVE moment with their babies. I always felt so close to my son and was wondering if something was wrong with me this time around.
Deep breaths. Less thinking.
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*hugs* I'm sorry you feel this way. I felt the same when I was pregnant.
After birth, I didn't instantly fall in love. I was a hormonal,emotional, sleep deprived mess. I was going through a divorce at the same time and the last thing I wanted was a baby to raise on my own.I know it sounds really terrible but it's honest and I was depressed and scared.
It took me about 3 months to bond with LO and that was with the help of PPD medication. I just adore him and am completely in love now, but it was a process.
again, hugs to you and I'm so sorry you're going through this. Have you checked if the baby qualifies for health care with some kind of state aid?
A few points to add to the already wonderful advice given:
This is so unbelievably common. The problem is we've been trained into thinking there is something wrong with us for having feelings this way. The truth is, it's not. This is one of the few times I'd recommend Google. So many women out there have hard times bonding with their pregnancies.
I didn't want more kids. My daughter is almost 16. I was done with them. Then, surprise! I poured over my options. Contemplated terminating the pregnancy, but didn't because it isn't the Alien's fault. Contemplated adoption, but didn't want his father raising him to be another domineering jerk. Was relieved when my OB told me I'd miscarry...I didn't, obviously. I felt like I'd never love him. I still feel that my relationship with my daughter will cause him a lot of sibling rivalry. She and I are VERY close. We kind of raised each other.
But, I do love him. I am happy. I have days where I'm not. I have days where I turnthe air blue. The best thing for me was finding so many other women who felt the same way. If it's a constant feeling, then YES seek help. If t comes and goes, and you don't feel like hurting yourself or the baby, then take it one day at a time. Hint...all those things you do or don't do because you're pregnant...that's caring for your baby.
You will fall in love with her. It just may not be instant. That's normal, too.