Working Mom.......having a hard time

jamescattleco

I am a first time mom and loving it! I am working but my husband due to illness, is not able to work right now so he is staying home with our DS.  Our DS is 16 weeks old and he is starting to really interact with us.  I HATE being at work all day and he gets to be home with him and see all the firsts.  Am I the only mom with a STAD? I didn't think it would be this hard but the older he gets the harder it is for me.  We are very lucky that one of us get to stay home with him but I just wish it would be me.  To make things worse, my job isn't always very busy so there are times that I have nothing to do but I have to be there because I don't have any time off since having the baby took most of that.  So I just sit and think about things I could be doing at home with my DS instead of sitting at work with nothing to do!

 

Thanks for letting me vent a little.  

CrazyToast

There are actually a few of us w/ SAHD for DHs.  I have always known my DH would be the SAH parent because I am a teacher - and he's a musician.  Our schedules lend themselves to sharing parenting and rarely needing a sitter.

 

That being said - I have ALWAYS been home for firsts (roll over, crawl, walk).  It's as if DD wanted me to be the person to see it first.  DH actually didn't believe me when I told him DD was walking - and she showed him almost immediately.  I was like "I told you so!"  

 

jamescattleco

Thanks! That helps to know that maybe our DS will wait for me to see his firsts.  I just get jealous that my DH gets to stay home.  I never really wanted to be a SAHM until I had my son and now I wish nothing more than to do that.  It just isn't an option for our family right now.  Thank you for posting......I am new to this board.

ksyknelvr73

I can definitely relate although my DH isn't a SAHD. He is a teacher though, and so he gets the whole summer off, whole Thanksgiving week, 3ish weeks around Christmas, a week for spring break, etc. I have a corporate, full time job and I only get 10 vacation days a year. Obviously, it's very one-sided in our relationship and he gets tons of time off and I am stuck at work. Also, I'm not always busy either but I still have to BE there which I hate. I think you are perfectly normal in your frustration...I share the same feelings. You are happy that your child has a parent with them, but you wish it could be you. I SO get it. I'm sorry. But you're not alone, if that helps.

indika236

My husband watches our daughter in the mornings until 11 when she goes to daycare. I definitely get jealous from time to time, but I am so happy that he gets to have that time with her...and they have a super close bond. 

Five Months to Plan

My DH was a SAHD for the first few months. He is now works from home and we have a sitter that comes to the house so he still gets more time with her. It was tough for me those first few months, but now when I get home she runs to me. My DH has an awesome bond with my DD, but he says nothing trumps mommy. 

SecondTimeinMSU

DH and I both work but as for feeling you are missing the firsts there is so much grey area on what is the first. I am not sure when I would define DS's first crawl. He spend a couple days on his hands and knees and he would just start to move his hands if we put something really interesting out. I watched his progress all of those days until he became a crawling speed demon so I feel like I really saw him learn to crawl even if maybe someone else saw him make the tiniest bit of progress first it is hard to know. Same with walking, we aren't walking yet but I've see him take the tiniest steps. Like this morning he did two tiny steps before lunging into my arms. By the time he is walking it is going to be hard to define exactly when he first walked. You aren't going to just leave one morning and he doesn't walk at all and get home and he is running around, it is a process and it will be really exciting to see him make a little progress each day when you get home.

angelame1979

I agree with the comment on the firsts.  My DD goes daycare and we still saw most of her firsts.  She walked, crawled, clapped etc.  to me the first time I saw was just as exciting even if my husband said she did it while he was with her. She laughed for ,pe first and did the necpxt day do dh and he still loved it.  

EmilyStL

My DH is home with DD twice a week and the rest of the time she's with my IL's or my mom.  I have definitely dealt with a lot of resentment, because I always envisioned myself as a SAHM and it's just not how the cards fell.  I am going to second that it will get easier as your DS gets older.  People kept telling me that "it will get easier" and I didn't believe it because it was like it was getting worse and worse.  But finally, around her first birthday, it did start to get better. I'm a teacher, and I remember the night before I had to go back after Thanksgiving break, I cried and cried.  I thought it would be even worse after winter break, but it just wasn't.  It was okay.  For me the year mark made a difference because I stopped pumping, and that brought my stress level down.  Also by that time, she started to kinda sorta understand.  Like, if I tell her "Mommy has to go to work," she'll wave byebye to me.  I also don't feel like I've missed any of her firsts, and honestly if you are really worried about this, ask your husband not to tell you if he does something major.  Lots of working moms ask DC providers not to tell them about things like that.  Also, cliche as it may sound, just savor every moment that you DO have with your DS.  It makes a difference!  Oh yeah, and you will still be his favorite.  He'll have a great bond with Daddy, but everyone pales in comparison to Mommy.