Worried about FI and our new baby
FI and I are expecting a baby later this year and we have his DS (S) and my DS (M) already. He only sees S every other weekend and it is really hard on him especially since he is around M a lot more than his own. The other day he left work early and called to say he was going to pick M up from daycare while I was at work. When I got home I asked him how his day was and he said it was perfect except for the fact that it was M and not S. It hurt a little bit but I kind of understand. I love S but obviously I love M in a different way since he is mine but for FI to put it like that just kinda threw me off.
I don't know, I guess I'm just having a lot of trouble thinking that FI will always love S and put S over even our own child. He always talks about how perfect S is and how he doesn't do anything wrong and he is so smart and so brave and so strong and the list goes on and on. If you can think of it S is perfect at it. I love that he loves S so much and thinks so highly of him but part of me wishes he would be realistic. Trust me S isn't perfect. M isn't perfect either and I don't know why I can acknowledge that in my own child but FI can't with his. I'm just really worried that he has S on such a high pedastal that our child will constantly be compared to S and that our child will never be as great as S. He already talks about how S was the perfect baby and he never fussed and started walking soooo early (he started walking at 10 months and even when I pointed out to him that isn't early, he just brushed me off and kept saying it). So now if our new baby fusses or takes 12 months to walk I'm going to feel like we aren't living up to his and his son's perfectness.
Has anyone gone through anything similar or advice on how I can get over this?
Re: Worried about FI and our new baby
Have you addressed your concerns with your DH? If not, I would suggest doing so ASAP.
My guess would be your DH is having "guilt" feelings. Justified or Not about not being with his child 24/7 like an undivorced father. Those are issues he will need to address.
I hope you are able to work through this with your DH. Blended families are special and take extra special work and time. Good Luck to you and your family.
I think what your FI said to you was rude. I can understand him saying I had a good time with SS but I wish other S was there too. But I cannot understand someone who has committed to marrying you and raising children with you to tell you that he wishes your kid was his.
If I were you I would mention to him that hurt your feelings and you know that he misses S and you are sorry he is feeling that way. At least you will get your feelings out there and hopefully he will not say something so hurtful again.
I think you definitely need to bring up your concerns with your DH.
What he said about rather having his son was hurtful. It's really cool of you to understand why he said it, however, it was petty and immature of him to have said it to you and that is worrisome behavior.