if this is your second baby.. Q about H

WiFeY 4 LiFeY

DH is a great father, and loves DS very much. Now that we are having a second he has said multiple times that DS1 is his #1, and always will be (his favorite). He tells me that he doesnt see how he can love DS2 like he does our first son.

Does anyones H feel this way too? (it makes me sad for #2...)

surprise3rd

I hate to admit it, but I actually felt some of those feelings when I was pregnant with #2.  I couldn't even imagine how I could have that kind of love again.  The second DD was born it all vanished.  I think that will happen to your DH too.  I think the guys have a really hard time bonding with the babies while we carry them, but the second they are born it all melts away and the crazy love takes over.

I also do think that #1, DS holds a special place in our hearts, but DD holds her own special place too.  It is crazy how it all works out.

gollywollypog

wow.  Please don't let him say that in front of DS1 or to DS2 when he arrives.  That will be damaging to them, both in different ways.  My husband always knew his older brother was the favorite growing up and it still stings him sometimes, even at 30 years old.  He has NEVER said that he favors either of our children and treats them with equal love.  Each child deserves his or her own special kind of love, they are each their own individual, unique person.  Once your DS2 arrives I hope your DH sees that.  The kids shouldn't have to be in competition with eachother for a parent's love.... I so hope he comes around before baby comes along.  Good luck.

WiFeY 4 LiFeY

surprise3rd:

I hate to admit it, but I actually felt some of those feelings when I was pregnant with #2.  I couldn't even imagine how I could have that kind of love again.  The second DD was born it all vanished.  I think that will happen to your DH too.  I think the guys have a really hard time bonding with the babies while we carry them, but the second they are born it all melts away and the crazy love takes over.

I also do think that #1, DS holds a special place in our hearts, but DD holds her own special place too.  It is crazy how it all works out.

Thats what I tell him, and I hope works out. Its just hard to hear... Thank you, it gives me a lot of hope to hear that!

AprilAngie

when youhave your first- it is hard to think you will have enough love or the same love that you have with your first!  However, as pp said - after you have your 2nd it goes away.  Im expecting # 4- and trust me - you love them all the same.  You form different relationships with each of them- but its amazing to see how each holds an amazing spot in your heart.  I wouldn't worry about your husband- he will come around- he says this as he doesnt know any different- we all think this.

If after he has the baby and he still treats the baby like this- I would worry- but not now.  

mishfull

I have those feelings myself - Our DD is turning 4, she's been our only child this whole time, she's our little baby. It helps for moms though that we have this 9 month bonding process with our baby, when your new little one is kicking and moving it's hard not to fall in love.

I'm sure when your second is born your DH will fall in love and in a year from now won't believe that he thought he wouldn't love your second one as much. Each kid fills a special and different place in their parents heart.  

Halle76

I cried the last few nights before # 2 was born. I was afraid of not loving them as much and felt guilty having another.  i did not know if he would understand at 20 months. Well, he came to the hospital, looked at his brother, said hi and life went on. He had more interest in how the hospital bed moved and the juice and crackers. All this being said, I could not tell you who I love more. I love them both so much and so differently. I do not even have worry for #3. The love comes, no matter how much he thinks it will not.

bethCT

I am not worried about DH so much, but I do tell DD that no matter what, even after the babies come, she will always be my "bestest buddy" (our thing ).  They can have other nicknames, but she will always be my bestest buddy ever.  I am doing it a lot to reassure her because her baby doll is apparently worried about the twins coming.  But I do wonder myself how I can love anyone as much as i love her!  Besides, DD has a personality already and the twins will be essentially personality-less for the first few months.  At this stage, we love her personality so much that it seems odd to love something without one, does this make any sense?

robsbride!

When I was pregnant with #2 I wondered the same thing...but boy oh boy does your love grow...he will be just in love with the second one I would not worry!!

dani2480

I'm a FTM... but from what I've seen through friends/relatives, I think that's pretty normal to feel that way. Right now, baby #2 is sort of an abstract for your DH, and it can be hard to guys deeply connect/bond with something that's inside your belly, especially when they're comparing that to the very real bond they have with the other child.

But, in most cases, it seems like the parents love just grows to include subsequent children. Once that child is in his arms, and smiling at him, and playing with him, and developing his own little personality, your husband is probably going to be just as smitten.

And who knows... your DH may wind up favoring #2 over #1. My brother didn't think he'd love his second daughter the same as his first. But once she arrived, it's actually pretty clear that he's got some very strong favoritism towards his second daughter (which isn't a good thing, because his 5 year old first born is really feeling the affects of that). Point is, your DH won't really know how he'll feel until your second son is here.

gracie__r

I felt the same way with our second (how can I ever love another child as much?) and the same way this time (how can I ever love a boy as much as my girls?).

He'll come around. It wil be fine.

CLeigh03

Wow, that seems a bit harsh to me. I know some moms/dads have a hard time believing they will love #2 just as much as #1 but neither myself nor my DH have those feelings. We both joke that we will have #1A and #1B

I hope he comes around!

mrsjenni

He won't feel this way once the baby is here.  This is a common concern for many moms and dads (I never had it, thank gawd) but it's VERY common.  

No worries... as soon as you see your baby boy for the first time, hear that first cry, kiss his little face and hug him, it's instant love.  Exactly like with your first.