Advice please...Biting at daycare

MBandBud

...and DD is the biter.  Ugh.  I always thought she would be the victim not the biter.  The teachers were shocked.  It was interesting because when I sat her down at home and told her 'We don't bite, no bite', and asked her who she bit she actually did tell me.  I was naming some of the kids and she said the name of one I had not mentioned; DH said that was the one b/c he saw the report in his cubby.  I also asked her where she bit and she told me 'finger'.  Sure enough that was on the report which I had not seen yet.  So I feel confident that she was aware of what I was telling her and the seriousness in the manner.  When we went in today I attempted to get her to say she was sorry.  She did not say it but she did bow her head. 

This child is in her face constantly so I told her that she needs to tell him "no" and ask for help but I don't think she understood any of that.  She has been the victim of 3 incidents in less than 2 weeks time - hair pulling, pinching, etc.  That is no justification for this behavior but these kids have no boundries/discipline at this age. 

My question...what do I do if this happens again? 

portersmommy10

I can't really give you any advice... but i can relate. My lil guy is a biter too. He started when he was about a year old.... stopped for a while, but now at almost two, it kicked in again! He's not in a daycare regularly, but whenever other kids are around we have this issue. It's quite embarassing. And he cries after he bites because he knows he shouldn't do it.....and he tells me about it too. So just wanted to say i feel your pain! They keep telling me it's a phase..... hopefully it won't last too much longer!

Buffy2010

I've been in both shoes.  My daughter was bitten a few times at daycare and then I had a son who was a biter.  My son has only ever bitten his sister despite being in daycare full time.  Kids bite when they are so frustrated and no one is helping them.  The teachers need to pay closer attention to it and stop it before your child gets so upset.  We talked about it until blue in the face, we had a book about not biting, my son was pretty good with words, but biting was his last resort until he was almost 3.  He did grow out of it, but it is more of a self-control thing I think.  Sorry, I am not helpful at all I guess.

LoCarb

If it happens again I think you can only reinforce what you said earlier w/ a talk. Discipline should occur at the time of the action. At our DC, they talk to the kids and do not practice time out. However, if there is a severe repeat biter, I have been told they will attach a leash from the child to the teacher in efforts to keep them away from victims while giving them extra attention. I have never witnessed this first hand. Our director said once there is a biter it turns in 2-3 in a classroom-they learn from example.Your child will not be the 1st or last. DD wasn't a biter but she did hit and the phase lasted 2-3 months. I felt so horrible every time the teacher pulled me aside but soon realized by viewing the web cam they were several other kids that hit in the class.  It alleviated some of the guilt but of course I'm still responsible for my child and her behavior.

waTracy

First I wonder how old the kids are? We went through a biting phase with Abby...she was the victim, but the closer to 2 she got, the less I saw of this behavior. She would bite at home as well. I think you are doing all you can. They said sometimes it's a reaction to teething so the teachers would give the biting kid a teething toy to nom on. But my kid turned into a pusher and a hitter around 2. We taught her to say "No Thank You," to other kids instead of hitting and pushing. She's gotten so much better. A lot of it has to do with their comprehension. Once their brains can comprehend this, this type of behavior subsides.

Babymamawithdrama

My son was a biter, I think his was a reaction from his lack of talking, in particular there was one other student the same age that would constantly get in his face... he would cry or yell and then resort to biting her (he did bite several individuals but she was his main target).  During drop off I usually wait until he is comfortable and when she would rush over we would practice yelling first and then saying "Abby give me my space".  It helped that certain teachers could pick up on his cues of frustration and could see when he was getting to the point to be ready to bite.  For us it took probably 3 months to get under control (and at the next classroom change we requested that my son and Abby be placed into seperate classrooms). I knew it wasn't Abby's fault either (she was just being a typical toddler and just didn't know she was invaiding his personal space) Like your daughter he knew what he was doing was wrong, he would only bite at daycare.

It could be worse, we did have 4 incident reports in 1 day (and I pulled him out at lunch time that day out of fear of him getting kicked out.)  Luckily we never have to have that discussion with the Director. 

I would go over her cues with the teachers, for us they switched my son to a different classroom in the afternoon because his one teacher could not identify when he was getting ready to bite, and the switch worked great at the time.

labratphd

Newbie here, but both of my kiddos were/are biters.  I found it to be a boundary issue, whether they wanted a certain toy or wanted space.  It is just a phase, but we really have to reinforce using words and not bites.  It's a struggle sometimes more than others but I do feel your pain. 

When they were in day care, we talked with the providers about ideas.  DD had to help the afflicted child (get them an ice pack, etc.) and the provider really gushed over the bitten child so she wouldn't get any attention from the action.  At other times, they gave her a teether to show her that it was okay to bite on that but not each other. 

Good luck!

MBandBud

Thanks for all of your input.  I will check in again with the providers to see what they think on how to handle going fwd.  I do feel like this was likely a boundry issue, and a good learning that this is not acceptable.  It's just a tough age to know what is being understood.  DD is 21 months.

angelame1979

My DD has bitten a few times as well.  I agree with the op that you should not reprimand her at home as they have probably already taken care of it at the time it occured.  If she bites at home, which my daughter has done then reinforce that it is not ok and it hurts.  The punishment has to fit the age.  They do it for a reason, because they can't communicate well, so working with her on how to communicate would be a good idea.  If it is getting to be a problem your daycare will let you know.  They do eventually out grow it once they are able to communicate better.