My Freezer Stash is Gone (and I'm Panicky)

SandiaPinaMama

And I feel a bit panicky.  LO turns one on Friday.  I have enough milk for Thursday at DC, so I will have made it to one year without ever sending formula to DC.  I stopped pumping last week, but I had 300 oz or so.  I had been so anal about monitoring the milk, I made myself let go a little, but I didn't realize how it was almost gone. 

We had such a rollercoaster BFing experience.  I went home from the hospital with a preemie who would not nurse enough to bring my milk in on his own.  I pumped after every feeding, around the clock.  I would try to nurse him, and then we supplemented by feeding him the EBM out of a syringe.  

Then my supply tanked at 3 mos.  He stopped gaining weight for a month.  I went back to pumping after every feeding, and I even went on Reglan, and, in addition to every other method of increasing supply, it worked. 

We've both had surgeries.  We started with a shield, and eventually ditched it.  We've gone from too little supply to oversupply.  I almost donated that milk last month, and told myself to hold my horses.  

And with all of that drama...drugs, and pumping, and nursing and nursing and nursing, I guess it just got into my head that that was *the* most important thing.  Instinct or something maybe.  So now that I have to go buy WCM tomorrow and give it to my baby, I feel panicky, like screaming WE'RE OUT OF MILK!  But I know rationally that it's not that dire. 

I don't even plan on weaning completely yet.  We still nurse 4 times a day.  At work, I'm actually only missing one nursing session, although DCP offers him 3 bottles during that time.  I shouldn't be worked up about this.  But I am. 

katlizabeth

Try to relax-you've done an amazing job.  Whole cow's milk is totally fine (obviously unless there's an allergy) and many babies start at 11 months.  I was similar with ds-pumping around the clock for forever to get my supply in and up (lazy sucker, born early, but not a preemie, jaundice) and I felt similarly about not doing all bm-I had worked SO  HARD that I almost felt like "no, I've avoided running out of milk for a year and now I have!!!!"  But that's not true-you're good, you're baby is good.   Be proud of what you have done for your LO and be thankful that you can ease up on pumping/or stop all together and get back a little more time (for you, for work, whatever).

lylahlove

Breathe, mama! I'll also say you've done a great job to get to this point!

We've been going with no freezer stash for months now. I just never got the oversupply/desire to pump all the time to get a huge stash. You can really make it work if you need to. I've had many mornings of squeezing the life out of my boobs for that last ounce to take to daycare. 

I also share your hesitations to start on WCM. They'll be fine though. I keep reminding myself that wcm doesn't meant the end of breastfeeding, or that I will have failed in some way. It's just the next step

ckolak

You are doing an amazing job. Just because you give him WCM doesn't mean your BFing experience is over. I remember feeling the same way when my son was turning 1, and I was transitioning him to non-breastmilk. Way to go on fighting through all the challenges you've come to!

bugandbibs

I understand your panic!

However, you should take pride in all of your hard work and what you have accomplished.  Keep nursing as long as you want, and just think of WCM as another new food for your LO to try.

I have a huge freezer stash, and I'm still a little panicked about the idea of stopping pumping.  Remember, your feelings are valid just because they are yours. 

SandiaPinaMama

I'm feeling a little less freaked out today.  Thanks everyone for your kinds words.  I'm sure that soon enough this will just be another phase we went through.