Wasnt a "real" baby- vent

Spruce14

Yesterday we told our parents that I was pregnant and we are losing it. My mil and fil both said the same thing then they found out it was early on "it wasn't like it was a baby yet" news flash: don't say sh!t like that to someone going through a loss. it really made me want to flip...they just don't get it. Then my mil called me 5 times today so I finally had to pick up. I was telling her what my doc said this am...which was if my levels don't go down by Thursday they may have to give me a shot of methotrex. She told me I should just get the shot so that I don't have a baby born with problems. A) I'm having a miscarriage so there will be no baby and b) if by somE freak miracle this turned around before it ended it would be just that, a miracle. I know her intentions aren't bad...she really is { usually } such a sweet woman. And maybe the language barrier and her naive nature doesn't help but it still hurt.

jonesdouglas

So sorry for your loss and inconsiderate in laws.

One thing I've learned, is that some people just dont know what to say.

T&P's for you and your DH. 

CCline09

jonesdouglas:

So sorry for your loss and inconsiderate in laws.

One thing I've learned, is that some people just dont know what to say.

T&P's for you and your DH. 

 

What she said. Some people truly don't get it. So sorry.... 

cielos1980

First off I am so sorry for your loss, and I am so sorry about some of the insensitive and clueless things that are being said.  I know how hurtful that can be, I actually had my miscarriage 10 days ago and really I only talk to my husband and my SIL (who has had several miscarriages) about the situation.  Unfortunately people just don't know what to say and often times make it even worse than it already is.  Good luck, my thoughts and prayers are with you!

kygirlie113

I am so sorry for your loss and having to deal with insensative people.  Its a shame they couldn't be more supportive for you and your husband.

I hope you find some peace and comfort here.

Emily.Thorne

So sorry you're having to deal with this.  Until you've had a m/c you just don't get it.  I don't think even my husband could understand some of the things I was feeling

kpowers982

I don't think there's anything anyone could say to make you feel better, but there's tons of things they can say to make you feel worse...like this!  I'm sorry they said that to you and that they don't get it.  It's so frustrating on top of all your grief to feel like the important people in your life don't understand.  I hope tomorrow is better!

Spruce14

kpowers982:

I don't think there's anything anyone could say to make you feel better, but there's tons of things they can say to make you feel worse...like this!  I'm sorry they said that to you and that they don't get it.  It's so frustrating on top of all your grief to feel like the important people in your life don't understand.  I hope tomorrow is better!

 exactly this. They just made me feel worse.  

MWoodside

Sadly, I found most people say the wrong thing.  I felt very upset by this, especially when it was all still fresh.  Therefore, I just didn't pick up the phone.  I told family that I probably wouldn't b/c I didn't want to talk about it.  If someone was persistant I'd quickly answer the phone & say, sorry but I don't feel like takling about it even though I appreciate your concern.

What a callous thing to say to you, though.  Even in the case of a blighted ovum or a chemical pg when a baby never formed as soon as we see a positive test we consider it our baby. Period.  End of story.  Don't let them make you feel like it wasn't a real baby.  It totally was.

mrsz2008

kygirlie113:

I am so sorry for your loss and having to deal with insensative people.  Its a shame they couldn't be more supportive for you and your husband.

I hope you find some peace and comfort here.

I agree, I wish people thought for two seconds before they spoke. I'm sorry for your loss.