I dont know how to tell my husband

JemLeu

Hey guys I need some help. My job is really stressing me out. My blood pressure was high before spring break when I went to the doctor (primary doc cause I had a stomach bug). I work at a community college where I am constantly running around, answering phones, making and cancelling appointments, and gettin fussed out by students because they are failing (like its my fault?) and I cant do anything for them. Its a chaotic work enviroment that seemed to get worse once I got pregnant. To top it off we are short staffed.People are out sick, quit, or are out til the fall semester. The lady that does the some of the paperwork before it gets to me is out because she had surgery (cancer )

 

so her job was given to someone else who never does it right which makes my job ten times harder. (I mean stuff like mixing up social security numbers) I am there til 7pm everyday except friday and when i work because we are short staffed I cant go to the bathroom....or even eat because I do my work at the front desk because I am doing two jobs now. I have no one to relieve me to go to the bathroom or even take a 5 min break. I am so stressed out that I got sick two weeks ago. I couldn't keep food down. I lost weight and everything. I was told to stay home that week (by my primary doc) and then last week was spring break but the closer and closer it gets to monday I start stressing. I can literally feel the pressure on my chest. I dont know what to do. Should I tell my doctor whats going on? I just switched doctors so I wont see him until the 28th of this month. 

 

I am stressed out about work, home and my new baby. I don't know how to tell my husband. he is very protective. I am afraid he may encourage me to quit. I am afraid if i quit I am going to lose my identity. Its hard to explain. I feel like I will somewhat useless.....I don't know guys.

 

Im at work from 12-7pm mon-thur and 9-1 on fridays (I stay pass 7pm because its so much work) 

PenelopePond

I think if you are that stressed you need to talk to your boss.  If there's nothing they can do to help you, it may be best to quit.  It's not good for you or baby to be that stressed out and working in that environment.  If you do quit you could find a part time job until baby comes. You wouldn't be useless though. It's important to make sure you're healthy for you and the baby.

valeriej6

What a tough situation and I'm sorry you're having to go through this. First off, if your blood pressure and stress level could effect baby, I would definitely talk to your OB on the 28th. Secondly, who is your boss and can you talk to him/her about your work load and that you're not even able to use the bathroom when needed. If you don't think you'll get support from him/her maybe go to their supervisor. 

Unfortunately, being pregnant and on the job market is a hard thing. So, if you need the money from this job I would try and resolve things before quitting. Talk with DH and see what he says, too. Best of luck to you!

JemLeu

AndreaR1983:

I think if you are that stressed you need to talk to your boss.  If there's nothing they can do to help you, it may be best to quit.  It's not good for you or baby to be that stressed out and working in that environment.  If you do quit you could find a part time job until baby comes. You wouldn't be useless though. It's important to make sure you're healthy for you and the baby.

 

I am going to try to meet with her. She is very busy and has been going to a lot of meetings. Never in her office.  

My insurance company has this program called future moms. They call and check on you every month. Give you advice and have nurses on call 24/7. They set me up to talk to some behavioral specialist because I took an assessment that said my stress level was over 10. They are afraid that I am depressed also. I think I will call my new doctor Monday. I left my old one because they never answered their phone, and were not professional. I have worked since I was 14 and I thought I could handle it until close to the end of the pregnancy but I dont think I can. I have a lot going on with my family, this is my first child and the job is not helping at all. I think I really need to talk to someone because lately i have had nightmares about my childhood. I can only sleep for like 15-30 minutes. I wake up crying and in sweats. I just dont want people to think I am crazy. I always think the worse. I have been through a lot and my husband has been telling me I need to go and talk to someone that can help me, but i am really scared...However, I dont want to be selfish...I need to deal with it so I can be the best mom I can be to my daughter. 

JemLeu

valeriej6:

What a tough situation and I'm sorry you're having to go through this. First off, if your blood pressure and stress level could effect baby, I would definitely talk to your OB on the 28th. Secondly, who is your boss and can you talk to him/her about your work load and that you're not even able to use the bathroom when needed. If you don't think you'll get support from him/her maybe go to their supervisor. 

Unfortunately, being pregnant and on the job market is a hard thing. So, if you need the money from this job I would try and resolve things before quitting. Talk with DH and see what he says, too. Best of luck to you!

 

My supervisor is out on medical leave. My boss is rarely in the office.By the time I get there she is gone for the day. In the morning she keeps her door closed so she wont be bothered. Everybody is making up their own rules. It chaotic right now. My department is ran by women in their 60's. Hormones all over the place! lol The college is going through a lot of changes so all of the "important" people are in meetings all day too. 

PenelopePond

JemLeu:

AndreaR1983:

I think if you are that stressed you need to talk to your boss.  If there's nothing they can do to help you, it may be best to quit.  It's not good for you or baby to be that stressed out and working in that environment.  If you do quit you could find a part time job until baby comes. You wouldn't be useless though. It's important to make sure you're healthy for you and the baby.

 

I am going to try to meet with her. She is very busy and has been going to a lot of meetings. Never in her office.  

My insurance company has this program called future moms. They call and check on you every month. Give you advice and have nurses on call 24/7. They set me up to talk to some behavioral specialist because I took an assessment that said my stress level was over 10. They are afraid that I am depressed also. I think I will call my new doctor Monday. I left my old one because they never answered their phone, and were not professional. I have worked since I was 14 and I thought I could handle it until close to the end of the pregnancy but I dont think I can. I have a lot going on with my family, this is my first child and the job is not helping at all. I think I really need to talk to someone because lately i have had nightmares about my childhood. I can only sleep for like 15-30 minutes. I wake up crying and in sweats. I just dont want people to think I am crazy. I always think the worse. I have been through a lot and my husband has been telling me I need to go and talk to someone that can help me, but i am really scared...However, I dont want to be selfish...I need to deal with it so I can be the best mom I can be to my daughter. 

I'm sorry you're going through all this.  It sounds like you're already taking the right steps to get some help.  I'm a firm believer in knowing there's a problem is a huge part of a battle, so the fact that you recognize you need some help is great.  I hope your new drs office is better than the last and you're able to get some stress relief soon.  Good luck

Mama_B

I use to think the same thing about loosing my identity.  I have learned that I am busier now that I don't go to an office everyday and actually have time to do the things I enjoy.  That Sunday dread of Monday is a terrible feeling, then you feel like a zombie until Friday.  Have you considered putting in for a temporary FMLA?  That would give you 6 weeks to see if you can find another job, handle finances without your income, and give you a much needed break.  

judahsmommy1

I think the first question to answer is, what do you want? Do you want to stop working? If you do, I think you have some valid reasons, especially if you can work out the finances. If you prefer to keep working and generally like your job (just not how things are right now) then I think communication is a must and FAST. It's not okay for a pregnant woman to go without eating or bathroom breaks. If the person who is overseeing you for the time being is not aware of this, they need to be made aware of it stat. I would say to send a high priority e-mail or give your supervisor a phone call requesting a meeting as soon as possible. Outline some of your most serious concerns briefly in requesting the meeting so they know what to expect.

Go into the meeting with a few options for solutions. Most colleges can handle putting a sign on the door that says "Closed for lunch. Will return at ____" (My college had lunch hours worked into everyone's schedule.) 

About the other stresses you are under, I highly recommend taking three minutes every day and making a list of priorities. If you know that there is more that needs to be done than you have hours to do it in, work through your tasks in order of high priority to low priority and give yourself permission to NOT get the other stuff done. For failing students, can you put together a quick list of resources that you can photo copy and hand out... tutors and the like? Beyond that, come up with and practice boundary statements that can be used in high stress situations: "I hear that you're very upset, but I need to you lower your voice before I can talk with you." "I have time to take care of this Student's file, but I need her correct information before I can do anything." 

Your highest priority right now is taking care of your baby. Students and hormonal women can wait for 20 seconds while you close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. GL to you! 

black.kat

You are worried about losing your identity if your husband wants you to quit a job that is making your miserable and sick?  That makes no sense.

IMO you are useless if you stay in a job that is not rewarding and challenging you to become a better person and do good for others - THAT is useless... not the other way around.

Bottom line, if this job is as bad as you say it is and you are as stressed out and as sick as you say you are, then it would be a no brainer to quit the dead end job and find something more worthwhile - that could mean a different job OR it could mean just being a great stay at home mom for your child.

Life is too short to work in a job that is crap.  So is a pregnancy and the development of your child in the womb - this stress is not good for the baby!

LaurenCase89

I was working a job that was a temp position, but set to go permanent when we found out I was pregnant. It was similar to your job, fast paced scheduling appointments and answering the never ending line of phone calls. DH insisted that I not go permanent with the company when we found about the baby, I thought I would feel useless too, and for a little while I did, but after a while I started feeling good. Not stressed and I do everything around the house and for the baby so it makes me feel like I'm contributing. Obviously I don't know your financial situation, but if you can it might be good for you. I hope you come up with a solution that works for everyone!

judahsmommy1

JemLeu:

I am afraid if i quit I am going to lose my identity. Its hard to explain. I feel like I will somewhat useless.....I don't know guys.

 

I realized I didn't address this part. I totally understand this feeling. My biggest fear while pregnant with my first son was losing my identity. Because we spend so much time at work, it becomes a big part of who we are. And honestly, as a stay at home mom, there are times when I feel useless. I know that being home is what is best for my son, but it's really hard sometimes. What is your plan after your baby is born? Are you planning on going back to work? I tried working for a while and realized that once I paid for child care, gas money, and food that traveled well, I made less than $100 a month. I can easily save that money staying home with my son. I make my own chicken broth and soak my own beans. I'll be cloth diapering this baby because I have the time to wash the diapers while at home. I'm also planning on taking on some child care after this baby is born to contribute to our income. Eventually I plan on going back to school to get my masters, but for this stage of life this is how I contribute to our family. 

Christina79

Sorry you are going through this right now. 

I would recommend talking to your boss to see if there is something that can be worked out. If you don't get anywhere with your boss, talk to your doctor. I had a job that came with a high level of stress during a certain time and 2 coworkers ended up going out on leave for a couple weeks due to the stress. It was covered under FMLA and gave them time to de-stress and figure out what they wanted to do. It might help. The stress is definitely not good for you or the baby.

TNWifey

I say if you need to use the restroom, use the restroom. Surely college students are smart enough to know to sit down and wait a minute for your return. Just stick up a little sign that says, will return in 5 minutes. I would also keep snacks in my desk and eat them if I was hungry. People know that pregnant people have to eat and have to use the restroom. You sound like me, I am nervous about asking certain things to my bosses too. But, it probably won't be as bad as you think at all. Usually those types of conversations are a lot worse in your head. The worst they can say is "I'm sorry, I really can't let you use the bathroom." Then, you can contemplate getting a different, more pregnancy friendly job.

 As far as all of the stress you are having, and the childhood nightmares, I would definitely recommend speaking to someone. They won't think you are crazy. They are trained to know that because of circumstances that happen in people's lives, it causes stress, nightmares, fears, panics, and a whole load of things. I realize this as well. I don't know what all you are going through, but you aren't crazy. I once felt crazy because I was under so much stress and depression. But I knew deep down I wasn't crazy, but I felt crazy. But that is far, far from me now. I don't want to sound preachy, but mine came through God. Praying and crying and crying and praying. Hope it gets better for you. I'm sure it will. : )

JemLeu

black.kat:

You are worried about losing your identity if your husband wants you to quit a job that is making your miserable and sick?  That makes no sense.

IMO you are useless if you stay in a job that is not rewarding and challenging you to become a better person and do good for others - THAT is useless... not the other way around.

Bottom line, if this job is as bad as you say it is and you are as stressed out and as sick as you say you are, then it would be a no brainer to quit the dead end job and find something more worthwhile - that could mean a different job OR it could mean just being a great stay at home mom for your child.

Life is too short to work in a job that is crap.  So is a pregnancy and the development of your child in the womb - this stress is not good for the baby!

 

Right now my job is crappy. It hasnt always and doubt it will always be this way. I also get free education with job. I am not mad or dislike my job. right now with a lot of people out it has become a chaotic environment. I already work less hours then i use to. I use to work 9-7pm. mon-thurs and 9-1 on fridays. I am going to talk with my boss today.  

JemLeu

TNWifey:

I say if you need to use the restroom, use the restroom. Surely college students are smart enough to know to sit down and wait a minute for your return. Just stick up a little sign that says, will return in 5 minutes. I would also keep snacks in my desk and eat them if I was hungry. People know that pregnant people have to eat and have to use the restroom. You sound like me, I am nervous about asking certain things to my bosses too. But, it probably won't be as bad as you think at all. Usually those types of conversations are a lot worse in your head. The worst they can say is "I'm sorry, I really can't let you use the bathroom." Then, you can contemplate getting a different, more pregnancy friendly job.

 As far as all of the stress you are having, and the childhood nightmares, I would definitely recommend speaking to someone. They won't think you are crazy. They are trained to know that because of circumstances that happen in people's lives, it causes stress, nightmares, fears, panics, and a whole load of things. I realize this as well. I don't know what all you are going through, but you aren't crazy. I once felt crazy because I was under so much stress and depression. But I knew deep down I wasn't crazy, but I felt crazy. But that is far, far from me now. I don't want to sound preachy, but mine came through God. Praying and crying and crying and praying. Hope it gets better for you. I'm sure it will. : )

 

Thank you I needed that. You didnt sound preachy. I had a panic attack last night. I prayed and cried myself to sleep. i woke up to my  baby girl wigglin around and I felt refreshed. Thank God.

 

I came to the conclusion last night...if I have to go...go. If I need to eat.... eat. ( I have to go to back to eat. We aren't suppose to eat up front.) But I will do what I need to do for Abigail (my baby). If the phone rings while I am gone....let it go to voice mail. I am not going to let any job make me feel like I did last night.