Terrified, In Shock, and ANGRY!

bsparkman

This has been the longest two weeks of my life. I've gone from being diagnosed with a blighted ovum, to a possible ectopic, and now we've moved on to a possible molar pregnancy. WTF?!?!? Why can't any of these doctors give me a definite diagnosis? My new doctor (I chose him because he's closer) just referred me to my usual OB/GYN for a transvaginal ultrasound and pelvic exam. I'm sure they'll throw another round of bloodwork in for good measure. This is ridiculous. I've been playing the waiting game for TWO WEEKS! I just want to know something. I've decided I'm not leaving the OB's office until I know something definite!

Of course, when they tell me about any sort of change in my diagnosis, I have to hurry to my trusty laptop to google what it actually means. Talk about something scary. I'm so afraid. I hate to say it, but part of me just wants this to be over. Another part of me is still hoping desperately for a miracle. (Not likely, but a girl can dream.)

If it is, in fact, a molar pregnancy they'll schedule a D&C. Yet another scary thought.

I'm at my wit's end. I haven't slept well since this all started. I think I've gained 5 lbs due to self-medicating with Little Debbie Cakes and ice cream. My poor, poor fiance is stuck dealing with a crazy emotional mess.

I don't know whether I should cry or scream or shut myself off from the world completely. Ugh...

 

dtowngirl

I'm sorry that you're going through this. An ectopic pregnancy is very different from a molar. I'm not sure how they were able to even give you any kind of diagnosis without an ultrasound. It sounds very irresponsible of the doctor to string you around. I hope your OB will give you some definite answers.

Also, a D&C is not as scary as it sounds. Many of us on this board have had one and you can read about the experiences on some separate posts.

braelyn26

so sorry for all of this, the waiting really was the worst part for me and like you said i just wanted it to be over. once i knew for sure i was miscarrying i actually slept through the night for the first time in a week because i knew at that point nothing i could do. and i wasn't consumed with OMG what if i miscarry, what will i do? it really was a turning point where it was ok and i got to move on to grieving and the next steps, hope for the best for you today and will send extra thoughts your way

kpowers982

Big, big hugs to you.  I'm so sorry for your loss and this crazy rollercoaster they've got you on.  It sucks.  I can sympathize a lot with how you're feeling and coping.  For the last 3 weeks, since finding out about my M/C, I've been eating everything I can find (I also have the weight gain to prove it), and spending waaayyy too much money.  It's definitely not the healthiest, most productive strategy, but I've been in survival mode.

I'm really hoping you get some definitive answers about how to proceed with everything. Keep us posted. 

Greenbean0906

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Your story is very similar to mine so I can totally relate to what you are feeling right now. During my two weeks in limbo they had me do blood tests every 48 hours to track my hcg then do follow up ultrasounds to confirm that the pregnancy was not viable. They initially diagnosed me with a missed miscarriage with a blighted ovum. My original plan was to wait until it happened naturally but after 2 days that idea went straight out the window. I opted to have the D&C, which physically was not bad at all. The results from my D&C confirmed a partial molar pregnancy and while I hope this is not your diagnoses, please please please stay away from Doctor Google. You will only find worst case scenerio. My hcg dropped fairly quickly without any medical intervention and as long as I stay at negative for one more blood test we are given the green light to ttc again after 2 cycles.

If you feel like crying, cry it out. If you feel like screaming, scream it out. It may be hard to believe now but it does get a little easier day by day. ((hugs))

Angels2002

I am going through something a little similar and have been through so much the past three weeks.   They don't know if my pregnancy is uterine or ectopic.   It is unviable, as my numbers are very low.   I feel like I am stuck in the moment and wait for the next appointment and like you, run to computer and google everything I could.   What a mess!   I am so deeply sorry you are going through this.

Many hugs!

bsparkman

Thank you ladies! It's so wonderful to have the support and understanding from such amazing women.

How the doctor came to the conclusions he did, is beyond me. Needless to say, he is no longer my doctor. I should have just stayed with my primary in the first place. (You live, you learn.)

My thoughts and prayers are will all of you as well. Lots of hugs and positive energy to everyone!

Natsboys

IM so sorry. That all just sounds dreadful for anyone to deal with. I hope they give you answers like right now. I understand how you feel. You are going through such a hard time and to top it off you have to keep going back and forth with all of it. **Hugs** 

baby101010

Its sucky- I kind of went through the same thing.... I had one dr tell me molar- and one tell me definitely not molar- turned out it wasnt molar- so hopefully you find out the same!  When there is such uncertainty- I almost feel like a d&c is best to make sure to rule out molar- that way you get a definite answer..... I am so sorry you are going through this!

FreyaWin2382

I am so sorry....with my second loss I went through a similar experience and know how much this limbo hell sucks!

When they did my first ultrasound with my second loss, they just saw an empty sac....but made me wait 10 days to re-ultrasound before they would confirm the blighted ovum. When I went back in for the second ultrasound, they told me that my uterus "looked cystic" which could represent a partial molar pregnancy.

I flipped the heck out.

It turned out that it was NOT a molar pregnancy, and I learned that the only way that they can be sure of what they are seeing is to do a pathology on the baby. Ultrasounds alone do not diagnosis this. My advice to try and not freak out (a la Dr. Google) until you get confirmation from pathology. If you are kinda been bounced around by who you are seeing, know that a lot of times, different doctors will hypothesize different things (oftentimes out loud...), but that doesn't mean that it is correct.  If it happens that this is a molar pregnancy, don't buy into everything you read online, there are a lot of women on here who have been through that and can talk frankly to you about it. But....I would try to avoid worrying too much about that until you get definitive answers (and as a fellow Type A-er, I know how hard that is).

Don't feel guilty for wanting this to be over.....I did too as the waiting was excruciating.  

usx4

I'm so sorry for you and sympathise with you.

Though first off how is your dr thinking its ectopic or molar without an ultrasound?  thats impossible

Secondly if thats a possibility you need a D&C ASAP (not to scare you)  Ectopics can be very dangerous for you and a molar, if they think it is, need to be taken out ASAP via D&C for pathology and if its a molar you want it out sooner rather than later

I was diagnosed with a complete molar beginning of the month bec. the u/s looked like one - my dr sent me to hospital from his office for D&C  originaly freeze path report came back as blighted ovum but when the full pathology report came back a couple days later it was a complete molar   i was petrified too.  if it was there any longer and not caught it could have attached to wall and not been good.  now i'm on weekly blood draws to make sure that my levels go down and had to get a chest xray

What did your new dr say?  How were your levels from blood work?  try not to freak out apparently molars are rare