Overindulgent Parenting?

sunwillcomeout

I have recently read two articles about middle class parenting. The WSJ one claims that we're raising more self-centered children who will be incapable of doing many things on their own. The Huffington Post response said that the study's data was from 10 years ago. Even though the data is delayed, do you think the aura of overindulgence extends to today?
[Poll]

nfrtny

I just finished reading Bringing Up Bebe, which talks about that some. I really enjoyed the book and since reading it I've definitely taking a step back and have just let DS work stuff out in his own. 

Im definitely finding myself less stressed out about things. And honestly, if I have to do something, like wash the dishes, he usually crawls to the gate, stands up and whines for a couple minutes and then entertains himself. But hes learning that it's not always about him.  

Bateaulover

I just finished Bringing Up Bebe last night--really enjoyed it as well! I have quit constantly narrating everything I do and let him have quiet time now. As a rule, I think that middle America does try to hard with their kids--we entertain them too much and give in too much. And children have too many toys!

Jelliebean1982

I love how most people who responded to this post said yes. Look around, ladies. If you really believe 80% of our kids are overindulged then yours is probably one of them...or will be.

christyjane17

This post really makes me want to read Bringing up Bebe.

 

 I am a teacher by trade-out with DS now- but when I was in the classroom my catch phrase was "It's not about you right now".  I had the personality to get away with it and I never used it in an "ugly" way...but it really worked. My students knew not to interrupt when I was talking which meant they also knew that if they were talking to me no one could interrupt.  They knew to really think before they asked me a question they could answer themselves.  My students grew up a lot in my class because of my "teach them to fish" way of teaching.    

 

jani7

I agree that it's not good to raise dependent children but I do find it's somewhat crazy they were talking about family nights as if they are bad things.  I mean I get you don't have to cater to your child 100% (putting on their shoes or getting them silverware when they are capable) but when did wanting to spend quality time doing fun activities with your children become a bad thing?  

SoxFan777

Jelliebean1982:

I love how most people who responded to this post said yes. Look around, ladies. If you really believe 80% of our kids are overindulged then yours is probably one of them...or will be.

Ha... I agree with this.  BUT I'm a teacher, and I sure hope that I never turn into one of THOSE overindulgent parents. 

I actually had a parent make the excuse following excuse that her son is failing my class: "Well, he's been busy with hockey"... SERIOUSLY... I hope never to do that...

Jelliebean1982

SoxFan777:

Jelliebean1982:

I love how most people who responded to this post said yes. Look around, ladies. If you really believe 80% of our kids are overindulged then yours is probably one of them...or will be.

Ha... I agree with this.  BUT I'm a teacher, and I sure hope that I never turn into one of THOSE overindulgent parents. 

I actually had a parent make the excuse following excuse that her son is failing my class: "Well, he's been busy with hockey"... SERIOUSLY... I hope never to do that...

I'm a teacher too, LOL.  If the people who responded to this post think that the majority of children are overindulgent then they need to be aware that if they follow the current parenting norms that their children will end up like that too.  In order to raise a kid who is exceptional you really have to buck the current parenting trends and raise your children differently than everyone else, which can be hard. 

As a teacher I think you see more kinds of parenting and how it ends up which makes you more strict on some things vs. others.  When DD was two I had a kid who was always throwing temper tantrums in the third grade.  You better believe that I was harder on my DD for throwing tantrums than all of the other parents who had kids around her age!  That was NOT going to be my kid. 

itsmevkb

I see a lot of over-indulged children but I'm basically raising my child in the same way I was raised, which is to say, my kids do a lot for themselves, can play independently, are expected to help out their parents, other adults and each other and they aren't allowed to say that they can't do something, instead they have to try to do it for themselves and if after sufficient attempts they truly can't do something they can ask for help.

The most over-indulgent parents I know are the parents of teenagers and young adults.  There are women I work with who are still making hair cutting appointments for their 21 year-old kids.  They fill out all the college paperwork, register their child for classes, buy them their books, etc.  Gosh, I don't even remember discussing what classes I was going to take in college with my parents much less would I have ever asked them register me!

The parents I know of younger kids are half and half with regards to over indulging.  I think the biggest thing is just how much effort you're willing to put into it.  Most times it's easier to just do the stuff yourself because it will get done quicker and without so much fuss and that is what drives over indulgence.  I'm a firm believer, however, that my working harder now to get my kids to do for themselves will pay off huge dividends as they get older resulting in less work for me and kids who are better prepared for the real world.

melissa0726

I have a 16 year old sister (I am 31) and I have spent hours talking to my parents about how different parenting is now compared to when I was her age. 

To me, they seem almost like two totally different parents, and I get frustrated because they seem so indulgent with her!

But they have told me that in regards to parenting, it's a MUCH tougher game in these times.  Technology and social media have brought the "Keeping up with the Joneses" mentality to a whole new level, and they're finding it difficult to balance their parenting values with current trends.  And, for whatever reason, a lot of her friends' parents seem to be perfectly content living paycheck to paycheck, not saving anything for them to go to college, as long as their kids have brand new iphones and laptops.  My parents struggle to teach her financial values, but it is a challenge when her friends are being handed "things" right and left.  In the end, they also don't want her feeling left out - for example, there was a while where she was the only one without a smartphone and kids made fun of her!

I don't know, I guess it's a different generation of parents than when I was growing up.....it's scary to think how things will be once my LO is old enough to start noticing and comparing our lifestyle to that of her peers!  I think the most difficult challenges are yet to come for us new parents, and I only hope that we will be strong enough to encourage our values and not necessarily fall in line with some of the parents around us.