Bad first birth experience, looking for some support for the 2nd time around.

photogmommystacy

Hi ladies!

I guess I don't really know where to start. So I'll just start typing and apologize because I'm sure it'll get long . 

I am pregnant with our second little one, due in about 8 weeks (May 8). We have an almost 4 year old daughter whose birth was way less than pleasant. I would go so far as to say it was pretty traumatic for me. I think that's the reason she will be 4 by the time her brother gets here. 

I went into her birth completely planning on getting an epidural and not feeling too much pain. I mean, I knew it would be uncomfortable and probably a little painful, but I was expecting 'bad menstrual cramps' like everyone says (which is a total lie! ). So, 2 weeks before her due date my water broke and I don't know if it's possible or not, but I am convinced it was an accident. She was exceptionally active that morning and seeing how her birth went, I am convinced she was not ready to be born. But anyway, we went to the hospital, I got Pitocin and things got started.

To try to make a really long story short, due to the positioning of the baby they couldn't detect any contractions with the external monitor. So while I was in tremendous amounts of pain and asking if it was okay to start the epidural, they were basically telling me things like, "I don't know how you're going to get through labor if you're in this much pain and the contractions haven't even started yet." Turns out, when they finally tried an internal monitor, I was having tons of contractions. Sigh. And to make things a little more uncomfortable, baby was 'sunny side up', as they say, so she was facing the wrong way and causing 'back labor'.

So when they finally gave me the epidural, nothing really happened. The anesthesiologist was cranky and mean so I don't know if he maybe placed it wrong or what happened, but they just kept pumping me full of more medicine and basically ignoring all of my pleading for them to do something different. I honestly think they thought I was lying to them.

The labor ended up being 30 hours long with 2 1/2 hours of pushing. All basically med-free. After she was born they started to stitch me up and were shocked when I was flinching because I should have been numb. I wanted to kill someone . 

When I asked my doctor what could have happened with the epidural, he said that sometimes people just don't take to pain meds. And, based on my lack of reaction to pain meds in other situations, I am terrified that I am in for a repeat of my first birth.

So...to finally get to my point, I am planning on getting an epidural if possible at the hospital, but I want to be as prepared as I can be in case something like this happens again. Does anyone have any advice, suggestions, words of encouragement or support? There is a lamaze class that I can take Saturday at the hospital, but I'm not really sure if that's going to do much good. Now that I've been through the process once, I feel like I have a little more room to stand up for myself, but how much can you really say to nurses who are in charge of your care? Not really sure what I'm looking for, I'm just terrified at this point .

Thanks for reading all that blabbing ladies!

Stacy 

FinallyMrsBMW

This sounds exactly like my first birth besides the water breaking and pitocin part.  I didn't think my epidural was working at all the first time around.  This is the primary reason why I went for a natural birth the second time around.  There was no way that I wanted to be hooked up to a worthless epi and confined to the bed again.  After experiencing a true med-free birth I think that my epidural worked about 10% but since I wasn't prepared for any amount of pain, it felt like it didn't work at all.  My doctor told me that the epi could definitely work the second time around but I didn't want to chance it.  I would try to prepare for a natural birth and take it from there.  The two things that we did were to read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth (a little hippy and somewhat far fetched for me but it was inspirational and encouraging) as well as hiring a doula.  My doula said that she does births that are unmedicated, with pain meds, and even c-sections.  So doulas are not just for those who want to go completely natural.  Good luck!  I'm sure your second birth will be different and great!

jessandandy09

It's important to remember each birth is different and that this experience does not have to be like the first.  I thought the breathing techniques in lamaze were very helpful, but this time around I am using hypnobirthing to teach myself better relaxation techniques and natural release of endorphins (which work like tranquillizers)  If you feel like you must plan to use an epideral (instead of waiting and seeing), you should discuss with your doc now how it did not work the first time and that you seem to have a lack of reaction to certain pain meds so you can discuss options.  Oh and this is my third baby, and to help inspire your confidence if I can, my second child was faster and easier even though he was bigger!!!!

RockyMtnMama

So sorry - it's not that uncommon that epidurals don't work right.  I don't know if it could have been the doc and that the next one would be better, but I think you're smart to start thinking hard about alternative tools to help you in childbirth. 

Can you get a copy of Birthing from Within?  It's a little cheesy, but it's perfectly suited to help someone who did not have a good experience face their childbirth fears and develop tools to cope with the contractions.  I also like Ina May's books, but Birthing from Within deals directly with undoing that fear from a difficult first birth experience and is a quick read.  It would be even better if you found an instructor in your area to help, but I did the expercises before my second birth and although they were cheesy at times, I think they helped me focus. 

Also support would be great - a doula to help you with tools in the moment or if your DH and friends have read up or been to births they too can really help you focus and get through.  The best thing is that I've known 5+ women who had 20-30 hour births with the first child and NONE of them have had anything that long with the second.  Your body can do it much more quickly now and you can do it (even if the epidural doesn't work)!

photogmommystacy

FinallyMrsBMW:

This sounds exactly like my first birth besides the water breaking and pitocin part.  I didn't think my epidural was working at all the first time around.  This is the primary reason why I went for a natural birth the second time around.  There was no way that I wanted to be hooked up to a worthless epi and confined to the bed again.  After experiencing a true med-free birth I think that my epidural worked about 10% but since I wasn't prepared for any amount of pain, it felt like it didn't work at all.  My doctor told me that the epi could definitely work the second time around but I didn't want to chance it.  I would try to prepare for a natural birth and take it from there.  The two things that we did were to read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth (a little hippy and somewhat far fetched for me but it was inspirational and encouraging) as well as hiring a doula.  My doula said that she does births that are unmedicated, with pain meds, and even c-sections.  So doulas are not just for those who want to go completely natural.  Good luck!  I'm sure your second birth will be different and great!

Thanks so much! Do you (or anyone else) know if doulas are ever covered under insurance? And is it too late now that I'm 32 weeks?

 

photogmommystacy

jessandandy09:

It's important to remember each birth is different and that this experience does not have to be like the first.  I thought the breathing techniques in lamaze were very helpful, but this time around I am using hypnobirthing to teach myself better relaxation techniques and natural release of endorphins (which work like tranquillizers)  If you feel like you must plan to use an epideral (instead of waiting and seeing), you should discuss with your doc now how it did not work the first time and that you seem to have a lack of reaction to certain pain meds so you can discuss options.  Oh and this is my third baby, and to help inspire your confidence if I can, my second child was faster and easier even though he was bigger!!!!

Ha! Thanks for that bit of encouragement! .

And my doctor seemed totally unconcerned when I brought it up. We moved since my first birth and this guy is part of a bigger practice, so he likely won't even be there to deliver the baby. But he seems totally hands off. When I first got pregnant I brought it up to him and he said I shouldn't worry about it and to just tell the anesthesiologist when the time comes...? Since it's getting closer it's making me more anxious, so I'll probably bring it up again at my appointment on Friday. But he just seems so hands off, I don't know if he'll do or try anything.  

photogmommystacy

RockyMtnMama:

The best thing is that I've known 5+ women who had 20-30 hour births with the first child and NONE of them have had anything that long with the second.  Your body can do it much more quickly now and you can do it (even if the epidural doesn't work)!

 

That's good to know!!! 

doreo3

I think a doula would be a great idea for you, but I'm pretty sure they're never covered by insurance. We pay around $700 for ours, but she was worth about a million dollars. A doula could help you even if you do get an epi, but especially if you choose not to or it doesn't work.

The thing to remember is once you get the epi, you'll be confined to the bed whether the epi is working or not, and the bed is one of the worst places to deal with contractions. Moving around is your friend:-)  You may want to think about planning for a natural birth, and use the epi as your Plan B.  I can tell you from experience, the "pain" of labor is totally manageable if you just mentally prepare for and expect it. If it is unexpected and you are fearful, it can be Brutal.

Good luck- I'm sure this time around will be better than the last!

jessandandy09

stacykrager:

jessandandy09:

It's important to remember each birth is different and that this experience does not have to be like the first.  I thought the breathing techniques in lamaze were very helpful, but this time around I am using hypnobirthing to teach myself better relaxation techniques and natural release of endorphins (which work like tranquillizers)  If you feel like you must plan to use an epideral (instead of waiting and seeing), you should discuss with your doc now how it did not work the first time and that you seem to have a lack of reaction to certain pain meds so you can discuss options.  Oh and this is my third baby, and to help inspire your confidence if I can, my second child was faster and easier even though he was bigger!!!!

Ha! Thanks for that bit of encouragement! .

And my doctor seemed totally unconcerned when I brought it up. We moved since my first birth and this guy is part of a bigger practice, so he likely won't even be there to deliver the baby. But he seems totally hands off. When I first got pregnant I brought it up to him and he said I shouldn't worry about it and to just tell the anesthesiologist when the time comes...? Since it's getting closer it's making me more anxious, so I'll probably bring it up again at my appointment on Friday. But he just seems so hands off, I don't know if he'll do or try anything.  

I would be so upset if my doctor was disregarding my questions and concerns!  If this is a bigger practice, ask the receptionist or the nurses if you can see one of the other doctors and let them know its because you doc is not answering your questions!

Like a previous poster said, if you plan med free, you can always change your mind and getting rid of fear and tension helps a lot with pain managemetn.  just like when you are nervous about getting a shot and you tighten your arm and it hurts worse.  Also, consider going to the hospital you plan to deliver at and talk to the labor and delivery department.  The OB nurses are very knowledgeable and can probably give you advice.  Also, I don't think its too late to start with a doula or just reading up on your own.   good luck :-)

photogmommystacy

We've actually got our 'birth class' tonight. We signed up for it because it offers a tour of the labor and delivery department (which I had to visit last night since my 4 year old decided to jump right on my stomach, full force ), so maybe I'll see if we can talk to a nurse. In our old hospital (before we moved) the nurses actually taught the classes, so maybe it will be similar and we'll get a chance to talk to them!

CrissyJoy

I agree. A doula or a labor massage therapist is a great way to get some extra support and at times be a good mediator between you and the doctors. They are well worth it!