Career Driven question

LeahCK

For those mom's who can't fathom not working in their career and moving up HOW do you balance (or think you'll balance) your family/child(ren) and work? I'm having my child later in life (35) so I've only known self worth through work. Many women in my family became SAHM's and are ecstatically content about doing so. No judgement from me, I love the mom's and aunts they were and are. Some were and are teachers so that worked well for them specifically. I am an accountant in the banking industry and enjoy my line of work and career progression and potential. But again, are you conflicted? If so how have you balanced your thoughts of defining or redefining your own 'self worth'?

Different opinions and insights are greatly appreciated. 

Emilia0101

Life will always be a two way mirror to some extent. The SAHM's thinking what it would be like to work, and working mom's thinking about how it would be to stay home. Not saying it is a daily battle, but something that will cross your mind from time to time. I think everyone is really different once they have kids. I have known women I never dreamed of as being SAHM's calling it a day at the end of their maternity leave instead of returning to work, while other women I thought would stay home for sure returned to work at 6 weeks instead of 12 like originally planned. 

To say you won't ever feel torn would be a lie, but at the end of the day you do what is best for your family. Being a mom is one of the many things that define me as a person, but I also find identity in being a wife, career woman, friend, etc. You don't lose yourself you just redefine the new you, but you can do it all.

Best of luck! 

Comet4658

I could be a SAHM but my job is too good to give up. I also worry about being bored/crazy and the lack of interaction with adults.  I think my pay is good, but the benefits are awesome and my boss is great so anytime I need time off for anything I have that.  It is a really family friendly job, and I love what I do.  Of course I do wish I could SAH sometimes or that I could work part time to have more time with DS and to do things around the house. 

Part time is an option in my field, but I would have to find a different job to do so.  I might do that at some point in time, but am sticking to what I have for now.

ETA: My self worth is the same as before having DS.  I think my self worth would take an adjustment if I were a SAHM since I have never not worked.

E&RMommy

I love my career, but it has never defined me 100%.  I was still a daughter, a friend, a wife, etc before having kids.

You will find a new balance.  Pumping and working; pumping and driving; worrying about baby stuff in the middle of a meeting, etc.  Your focus just shifts, and you find there is more to juggle than before.

I have about the most stressful job there is, and I enjoy my children more than I ever thought possible.  They balance my life in an awesome way.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  And my husband is extremely supportive and helpful and that's a MUST.

Good luck!  You'll do awesome.

Spenjamins

My self worth existed before my career and kids. You can wear lots of hats over your lifetime.

campbaby76

I used to think that my self worth was in how I did my job. Then I got very very sick and had to think about what would happen if I could not do my job. I also got to spend that time looking at who I was as a person and what I meant to my world as a person. I got to see that I am a good friend, sister, daughter and now wife and mother. I do good on the world in my job and in my life. 

Do I struggle with the working vs, staying at home? Yes, especially when people are having fun midweek get togethers, but it neither of these situations would define me. I love my job and I am grateful that I am healthyish enough to still do it.  But there may come a day that I can't but I know that I will grieve less than I would have 10 years ago.

Brady77

As others have said your outlook on life is a fluid thing.  You just will learn how to balance everything and find a comfort level that is right for you.  I had my baby at 34, and I really enjoy my career.  But I also want to get home at night to spend time with LO and H.  I have suddenly become less black and white on everything and it has allowed me to find a good, healthy balance.  I am sttill furthering my career, but also making sure that I have quality time with my family.

asyph107

The balance is created after you go back to work. The more you worry and stress the harder maternity leave is IMO. If you love your career, as I do, its worth it to find a good balance. I just make sure any time I spend with my boys is quality time. Anything I can do after they are asleep I do. Being home is about family time. Dont get me wrong I am not able to hold and snuggle my LOs from the minute I walk in until bedtime, there is dinner to be made and baths to be done but I try to make it all fun, and inclusive of them both. I let DS1 pick out his brothers PJs and put bubbles in the tub, and I snuggle DS2 while sitting next to the tub when DS2 is all clean and just playing in there. It all works...trust me it seems overwhelming while pregnant but things can run like clock work if you go for it!

MandG2010

I worked hard to get my engineering degree and have worked just as hard climbing the ladder, even into my pregnancy.  When my Dr said to leave work 2 months before DS was due (too stressed out, possible pre-eclampsia), it was hard leaving and boring sitting around the house.  I felt like leaving work would hurt my career and would make me fall off everyone's radar.  That was almost a year ago - I was out for a total of 6 months, and of all the weird things, there were a lot of people that didn't even know I was gone! 

I had no choice but to come back to work, and it was hard.  Still is...sleep deprivation, hormonal changes, pumping 3x a day.  But it's working out, and all those executives that thought I was doing such a wonderful job a couple years ago still think I'm doing a wonderful job.  I found myself unhappy with my job when I got back; it turns out all the important stuff I do around here is mouse-nuts compared to my baby boy.  I had to re-evaluate what I based my self-worth on...not that I was wrong before, or that I'm wrong now, it's just from a different perspective now. 

The biggest challenge I had was to understand that my 5 year plan is now my 10 year plan...kids change your life. 

SavedByLove

I'm still trying to figure out a lot of this stuff myself but figured I'd chime in too.  I will never say I loved my job before but I also never in a million years thought I'd want to stay at home either.  Turns out I love to think I'd want to stay at home and whine about it a lot, but at the end of the day I do get fulfillment out of working.  (I fall into the "we could probably stretch it and have me quit work if we really budgeted and had no fun" camp).

I actually interviewed within my company for a manager position during my maternity leave and to my shock I got the position.  I don't necessarily recommend this path, ha.  Two huge life changes at once (new working mom + new manager job = STRESS).  I balance it one day at a time, that's the honest truth.  I'm still nursing/pumping which adds another layer of complexity.

But it comes down to this: we are all doing the best that we can.  Some days I have to work late and I only get to see my baby for 30 minutes (or less) before his bedtime.  Some days I have to travel and don't see him for 2 whole days.  Some days I get nothing done at work because I'm talking to my DH, sister and mom about my "woes" and missing him. Haha.  However, I have come to have no doubt that my DS loves me and knows me and wants to be with me.  He reaches for me and he clings to me and he fusses when I leave the room.  And when he grows up he'll know (I hope) that his mother was strong and independent and provided for the family just like Daddy.

Sorry, I went off on a tangent   But my point is that, for me at least, I have really come to value the "work to live, don't live to work" philosophy.  I value my job and all but it's not all of who I am.

LouiseB2001

I can recognize that a strong part of self-worth comes from work, in my career (I'm a scientific researcher) much of the self-confidence support comes as small things such as papers accepted, being asked on committees, things that are very different from other careers (I think?) where pay bonuses and praise is worth a lot. I was very worried about taking maternity leave and 'be forgotten' in my research community but I managed to go back part time fairly early (I was also lucky to be able to take 4 months full time maternity leave). I did lose a lot of my self-worth when I was on maternity leave but was able to get it back as I went back to work. The good thing is that you gain a lot of self-worth from being a great mom :-)

I don't think you will be conflicted about choice unless you take other people's opposing opinions to heart. If you love your career and job, it will never really be a choice to stay at work, more a choice of how to do it.