Those with long distance (plane ride) visitation - a question

CPA04

I have a visitation question and it's not for me for once (yay!)

A friend of mine has 50/50 joint physical care of their 14 month old.  Friend's XFI is planning to move 2 time zones away but has graciously offered to continue 50/50 visitation by offering one month one, one month off.

I told friend that this proposal was complete bull.  How do you get a toddler across the country anyway?  You'd have to fly and pick them up yourself and take them back right?  What about when LO is in preschool/school?  Clearly 50/50 wouldn't work at that point, so I don't see the benefit in continuing that schedule now.

Can my friend object to the other parent moving?

Other parent can't take LO across the country and away from my friend without a new CO in place I assume.

Tell me about your schedule if this is your situation or what a practical solution would be. What should my friend consider in drafting their new visitation/support schedule?

Side note - Friend's XFI also has another child whom they shipped back to the other parent when pregnant w/ current 14 month old because they couldn't handle the stress of parenting.  Hasn't seen that child since...

 

JCGreene85

I don't think this will help but EX lives in Florida but only has visitation in Georgia. He is allowed to visit EOW but he doesn't. I won't agree to DS leaving the state with my EX until at least school age. 

She should definitely get a new court order and adjust the visitation. He wants the baby a month at a time? Thats crazy! How often will the visits be? who pays for transportation? Ex. If he comes to pick up the baby to take her back to his state it's essentially 6 flights for him and unless he's made of money I dont see that happening. If he wants to see the baby he needs to visit at the home IMHO.  

CPA04

JCGreene85:

I don't think this will help but EX lives in Florida but only has visitation in Georgia. He is allowed to visit EOW but he doesn't. I won't agree to DS leaving the state with my EX until at least school age. 

She should definitely get a new court order and adjust the visitation. He wants the baby a month at a time? Thats crazy! How often will the visits be? who pays for transportation? Ex. If he comes to pick up the baby to take her back to his state it's essentially 6 flights for him and unless he's made of money I dont see that happening. If he wants to see the baby he needs to visit at the home IMHO.  

I was hoping you'd stop into this post as you were the first person I thought of with a situation like this.

My friend is actually the father, not the mother.  But she claims that she'll pay for all flights, assuming she doesn't pay for daycare in her new location b/c she'll have friends/family to assist.  Her other child got kicked out of several daycares here because she didn't pay them, she owes ALOT of money to my friend, and is generally a "can you help me out?" sort of person who doesn't think more than 5 minutes ahead in any aspect of her life and thinks people somehow owe her something.  She's a slight trainwreck....

tsmomma42

Does he have a court order? Mine says neither parent can move out of the county without approval by the other parent or the court. I believe here it's common that whomever moves away has to pay for transportation costs.

Whatever the case may be, as long as he has a court order she is required to make their child available to him during his parenting time. If she moves 2 time zones away I assume she won't be able to do that which essentially means she either can't move or she can't take their child with her. I've been wanting to move back to the state I grew up in (halfway across the country) but can't move for those reasons.

fauxshelley

No way in hell would I agree to that.  If the father moves across the country, the custody arrangements need to be revisited.  My XH lives in TX and there is no way I would send my kids there for a month.  My XH is not delusional enough to even ask.  He flies to GA to see the kids every 6-8 weeks (stays with his parents).  It's not ideal, but that's how we are making it work.

preggersin2011

When my mom moved us from FL to NY she had to get a notarized letter submitted to the courts from my father saying he okay'd the move and forfeited his current visitation schedule. Depending on how the custody is set up, it might say county or it could say X mile radius- any move outside those boundaries usually has to go to the court system and a move away like that would be giving up his 50/50.

CFjo2010

CPA04:

I have a visitation question and it's not for me for once (yay!)

A friend of mine has 50/50 joint physical care of their 14 month old.  Friend's XFI is planning to move 2 time zones away but has graciously offered to continue 50/50 visitation by offering one month one, one month off.

I told friend that this proposal was complete bull.  How do you get a toddler across the country anyway?  You'd have to fly and pick them up yourself and take them back right?  What about when LO is in preschool/school?  Clearly 50/50 wouldn't work at that point, so I don't see the benefit in continuing that schedule now.

Can my friend object to the other parent moving?

Other parent can't take LO across the country and away from my friend without a new CO in place I assume.

Tell me about your schedule if this is your situation or what a practical solution would be. What should my friend consider in drafting their new visitation/support schedule?

Side note - Friend's XFI also has another child whom they shipped back to the other parent when pregnant w/ current 14 month old because they couldn't handle the stress of parenting.  Hasn't seen that child since...

Wow.  My XH moved from CA to TN when the kiddos were 3 and 7.  I had it put in our CO that XH was responsible for all transportation costs associated with visitation since he's the one who up and moved for no reason.  My kiddos only see him for 2 weeks in the summer, 2 weeks alternating Christmas, and one week alternating Spring Break.  Anything more than that is disruptive to their school schedule.  I did however put in the CO that if XH ever came out to CA, he could have vistation with the kids but he has to give me 30 days notice.  He's never used it, and never uses the Spring Break visit. 

At first an adult was required to fly with the children both ways (meaning XH had to buy 4 round trip tickets: one for each kid and 2 for himself).  Once my oldest reached 11, I allowed the kids to fly as unaccompanied minors.  With unaccompanied minors, they cannot change planes - only direct flights.  Plus it allows a parent to go to the gate as an escort to ensure the kids get on the plane safely, and also an escort pass to get the kids from the gate when they return.  I had a lot of apprehension about it at first, but if I hadn't agreed to the unaccompanied minor flights the kids wouldn't get to see their father the little bit they already are because he couldn't afford those 4 round trip tickets.

Moving somewhere that would disrupt the current vistation is considered a change of circumstances and she can and should have the CO modified.  A month is a really long time for any child, especially a 14 month old.  He's a bit nutty if he really thinks a Judge would ok that.  How on Earth would you arrange childcare during your month?  I can't see many childcare providers allowing you to hold your child's place while with Dad for a month.  Plus, I can't imagine how confusing and frustrating that would be for a child to be away from Mom or Dad for a month.  If 50/50 is so inportant to the Dad, he needs to stay close enough for it to be possible. 

FyreFlyeRush

Check with a lawyer. Here, if the NCP moves out of state, or more than 100 miles away, any other custody/visitation order is negated and replaced with the Standard Posession Order, and then modified for age.

For NPC's living more than 100 miles away, they have one weekend a month, at THEIR cost and YOUR convenience. Meaning, they have to get their arses on a plane, not the other way around.

Also, here, there is no such thing as "joint" custody. Parents can agree to it, but one parent always has "primary" residence and is considered the CP. The other parent is the NCP, even if time is spent evenly between two households. Texas is migrating toward the "new" realization that maybe uprooting a child every six weeks or every other month isn't a good thing. Need the other 40 states to grasp this concept.

CPA04

Their current CO does not specify anything in terms of either of them moving during LO's first five years (that's how long the agreement is spelled out for). 

NOW... she's planning to take LO on "vacation" for 3 weeks to her new location and is saying she'll bring LO back after that.  The agreement states she must give 60 days notice for a "vacation" which hasn't happened and my friend will lose the next 3 weeks of his time with LO completely. I think she'll technically be kidnapping the child if she does this.

To make things more strange - she is demanding they mediate on a specific day while she's in her new location with her new lawyer, who I'm guessing won't be able to practice in this state or have any knowledge of the laws here. (The mediation process doesnt' work like that sweetie!)

IMO - my friend is being too lax in considering letting his X take LO for 3 weeks.  Anything he can do to prevent her from taking LO or does he have to wait until she executes her little plan and then he can file for contempt of court to bring LO back?

 

kmartinez80

Your friend needs to get in touch with a lawyer ASAP and find out what his options are/what he should do.  None of us here can tell you what he needs to do since each state has specific laws regarding these issues.